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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 374
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 374 |
she says she's so happy now ,then she cries she's living on an emotional high on that saturday evening what did she find shinning beneath in her glass of wine
ch all she can say she found diamonds today all her life she dreamed it all this way
she says she's imagined this moment again and agian she doesn't want the moment to end she looks into my eyes wispers a reply under a star gazing sky
ch all she can say she found diamonds today all her life she dreamed it all this way
break
all she can say she found diamonds today all her life she dreamed it all this way all she can say she found diamonds today all her life she dreaned it all this way
(c) J Clarke and C Hardy 2005 all rights reserved
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 198
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 198 |
Hey Java,
Being someone who likes to spread his thoughts out longer in a song I find this kind of short and to the point.
The brevity of it strikes me as though I'm reading something that could be used in an ad as a jingle. I could see this as something that a jewelry store or diamond merchant might use in the background for one of their tv ad spots. Layer it with an appropriate image of a beautiful woman finding the diamonds under the glass of wine and the resulting emotional bliss that would follow such a discovery. She throws her arms around her prince charming and whispers in his ear the affirmation. From a closeup of the ring's glimmering diamonds the camera pans out and up to reveal the starry sky above the two lovers. (Nice imagery here as the stars in the evening sky have often been compared to being studded with diamond like stars.) Blend in the nuts and bolts of the ad itself, the name of the company tastefully displayed in the backdrop of the heavens above the lovers and whatever special they're trying to move, in this case maybe diamond engagement rings and badaboom you got a tv ad spot.
I think that this strikes me in this way because I've seen similar imagery already being used for this purpose.
This is just my two Abes. There are others here who could certainly offer a more in depth analysis of this. I'm still fairly new at this as you can tell.
Reg
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,027
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,027 |
Java,
I like how concise and visual this piece is. Captures that absolutely crucial life changing moment. Great work. No nits here.
Keep writing.
Skip
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 374
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OP
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Joined: May 2005
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thanks Reggie for taking a look at this ,didn't have much room to develop a story the way it was written ,thanks for for the thoughs on the commercial idea I'm sure anyone who wanted to use this for any reason would be welcomed.thanks again have a great day
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 374
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 374 |
thanks Skip for the kind words appriciate it have a great day
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