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#4192 - 02/06/01 11:36 PM Nine Mile Creek  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,205
couchgrouch Online content
Top 30 Poster
couchgrouch  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,205
cochise, az, usa
Nine Mile Creek

There's a nine mile creek
and a circle 'round the moon
all the way down from Kingfish Lake
they feed this lagoon

old Airstream
a two foot tip-out
chiggers sweeten bait
for biting trout
corn liquor
from a leaky still
does more for my pain
than laetril
sad mem'ries
pushed me to the line
just to follow me
over it, like swine
world weary
weather worn sparrow
takes his shelter in
my wheelbarrow
desperate men
we find our refuge
in isolation's blue
shadow and rouge

chorus

cougar catch
last night near the lake
birds jumped branches like
a prison break
the next night
I hear through the fog
three-legged coyote
in a hollow log
oil lantern
on a bank tree limb
what capture's light
when she learns to swim
salvation
is a handy myth
most mortal men
go along with
I suspect
soon he'll follow me
down the same quick sand
that will swallow me

there's a nine mile creek
and a circle 'round the moon
like them, we are only here
to feed this lagoon

(c)1998 Robert George

------------------

#4193 - 02/07/01 01:17 AM Re: Nine Mile Creek  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
Kaley Willow Offline
Kaley Willow  Offline

Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
PA
Couch..Usual great job...but I struggled with the first four lines...I don't know if it was meter or flow..that was buggin me..but something....when i compared it to the similar lines.( at the end)....which were really smooth.. Just my take... Actually it's just
the last two lines of your first that stop me...all the way down from Kingfish Lake
they feed this Lagoon...

Kaley [Linked Image]

#4194 - 02/07/01 07:33 AM Re: Nine Mile Creek  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 927
John Inglett Offline
Top 100 Poster
John Inglett  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 927
Watkinsville,Ga. USA
Nice Robert!
I hate to think of life as little more than pond silt, but your imagery is catchy and the lyrics musical. I have to agree with Kaley on the Kingfish thing, but as usual , the melody might make a difference. -John

#4195 - 02/07/01 08:50 AM Re: Nine Mile Creek  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,918
Sharon Longworth Offline
Top 100 Poster
Sharon Longworth  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,918
Stuart, FL
Couch....a ton of images in here! Good work! [Linked Image]

#4197 - 02/07/01 06:30 PM Re: Nine Mile Creek  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 7,898
Johnny Daubert Offline
Top 25 Poster
Johnny Daubert  Offline
Top 25 Poster

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 7,898
New Jersey, USA
Robert, those critiques are what I was talking about. They are into your style, and can relate, thus making contributions to your lyric.

It did create a lot of images for me too!
Melody yet?

------------------
John Daubert,
Daubert & Holcombe
D&H Records/Publishing, ASCAP
www.mp3.com/dhsongs


Actually a Member Since 1996 or 97 (Number One Hundred Something).
Songnado I and II:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=322686





#1125249 - 03/12/17 02:19 PM Re: Nine Mile Creek [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Jim Colyer Offline
Top 30 Poster
Jim Colyer  Offline
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Nashville, Tennessee usa
Your lyrics jump right off the page, Couch.

#1125857 - 03/27/17 05:09 PM Re: Nine Mile Creek [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 437
arealrush Offline
Top 500 Poster
arealrush  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 437
wichita, ks
I'm not sure about how this lyric would translate to music but as for the imagery I think it works great! You painted a picture that is relatable to those of us who have spent a lot of time on the river bank. Nice lyric!


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