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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 822
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This is a work in progress - any suggestions welcome!
A Moment of Enlightenment
Verse 1
I’ve spent too long a time in this comfort zone
Days of wine and roses, but it never felt like home
There’s something keeps on calling, there’s a whisper on the breeze
Don’t care if I am falling, as long as I fall free
Chorus
I’m hoping for
A moment of enlightenment
An open door to save me from
A lifetime of regret
I'm waiting for
A moment of enlightenment
I haven’t found it yet…
Haven’t found it yet…
Verse 2
There were choices that I was too afraid to make
So many directions I was too blind to take
I tried following a rainbow, til I found it had no end
Still looking for a bluebird and a huckleberry friend
Chorus
I’m hoping for
A moment of enlightenment
An open door to save me from
A lifetime of regret
I'm waiting for
A moment of enlightenment
I haven’t found it yet….
Haven’t found it yet….
Bridge
Every dream that fades away
Is like a day when the sun don’t shine
And I’m running out of time
I’m running out of time….
Chorus
I’m hoping for
A moment of enlightenment
An open door to save me from
A lifetime of regret
I'm waiting for
A moment of enlightenment
I haven’t found it yet…
Haven’t found it yet…
Copyright © May 2005 by D Rulliere
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Diane,
Nice to see you posting again. A little slow to respond , I'm afraid as I've been traveling . Another sad one here, you know how I like them , so. No nits , but ; true to form , I have some reaction. Hope you like it.
Oh My!
Oh my, it seems that I've hurt you
Trust me , dear , I never meant to
A wave of dispair did wash over me
I was sure , no one would ever care
Oh my, it seems you did care for me
It would'a broke the heart of me
If only , I still owned one...
Too late!...the deed's already done...
I,,, have added to the woes of you
My selfish , easy out , all through
Known I , the good for me , in you
Never, never would I have gone on through...
Pete
Here we are wracking our brains today
to write lyrics that rhyme
and if we succeed, they'll end up in time
as tommorrow's cliche's...
Pete
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One fine piece of writing, Diane. I thought it would be a hard title to work with, but not for you ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/smile.gif) Bill
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Hello Pete! Good to hear from you again! But I think you have a whole new other lyric there! Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Calvin! - thanks my friend! Glad it reached out to you! Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Bill! Whenever you post an opinion on my work I have such a big stupid grin on my face! It means so much to me! Thank you! Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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As Calvin sad, this is "beautifully sad." Loved this! Especially these lines:
An open door to save me from
A lifetime of regret One minor suggestion for this line:
There’s something keeps on calling, there’s a whisper on the breezeCould you get by with only one "there's?" Something keeps on calling, there's a whisper on the breezeNot a big deal; just a thought for you. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/wink.gif) Nicely done, Diane! Amelia ------------------ http://www.ameliarosemusic.com/ [This message has been edited by AmeliaRose (edited 05-21-2005).]
Change the world...one act of random kindness at a time.
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Diane, I'm such a sucker for this kind of song. Went through it several times to see if I could find a nit...didn't want my predisposition to steal all of my objectivity. But, lo and behold, could find nothing to nit. Very, very nicely done. Your "Moment Of Enlightment" gave me a "Moment of Ejoyment". Alan ------------------ If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most. http://www.soundclick.com/alanddavid
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Hi Amelia! So good to see you here! I hope you're doing well! Good point about the two "there's" - I like your suggestion - or how about, "There's something keeps on calling, LIKE a whisper on the breeze"? Thanks for your help Amelia! Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Thank you Alan, my friend! Glad you're as much of a sucker as me - and double glad you found no nits!! Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Hey cool brit chick
interestingly this could be Cat Stevens, could be Judas Priest...
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Could well be, rittman! ...could be it's a little too late to send it to either of them!! Oh well! - back to the drawing board!!
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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the latter is still kicking, the former might need the bucks after paying "back" taxes....
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Diane,
If you like, I'll erase it.
Pete
Here we are wracking our brains today
to write lyrics that rhyme
and if we succeed, they'll end up in time
as tommorrow's cliche's...
Pete
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Posts: 62
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Nice.
"I tried following a rainbow, til I found it had no end
Still looking for a bluebird and a huckleberry friend"
Fresh. When's the last time you heard "huckleberry" in a song?
-lafe
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Hi Lafe! We're after the same rainbow's end Waiting round the bend My huckleberry friend Moon River, and me....
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Pete! - no worries! No need to erase! ...or you could post it yourself? Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Hi Diane,
This is very special. I really enjoyed it. Only had one small suggestion. I know that we all slip in some incorrect grammar at times when it fits with the style of a lyric. In this case, I don't think using the word "don't" in this line works very well because it is the only place in the song where you slip into improper language:
"Is like a day when the sun don’t shine"
The simple fix is to say:
Is like a day when the sun WON'T shine
Otherwise that needs to be DOESN'T shine...which may throw your meter off.
Hugs,
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Casual Observer
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Hi Dianne,
Just one nit:
"huckleberry friend" sounds like it was taken from Moon River and makes it stick out that way.
------------------
Gaby Martinez
Gaby Martinez
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johannasvision,
Look for a messsage in your email. Sorry for the time delay.
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
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Hi Diane,
I like the sound of "no worries" . I think it's a bit too specific and weren't meant as a commercial lyric , just a kind word in an unusual way.
Have one in the mill and don't post that much anyway...
Pete
Here we are wracking our brains today
to write lyrics that rhyme
and if we succeed, they'll end up in time
as tommorrow's cliche's...
Pete
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 541
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Diane,
Looks like you are creating quite a buzz?!
My favorite line(s) are as follows:
"An open door to save me from
A lifetime of regret..."
Seems as though there is something majestic almost about that.. and for the life of me I can't articulate just why at all.
Well did she make you cry?
make you breakdown?
shatter your illusions of love...
now tell me is it over now?
do you know how...
to pick up the pieces and go home?
Saw where someone else was moved by that also...
Brainstorming to the max again, S.L.
"digging deep in the verbal sludge of society, for the gems of interest"
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Hey , Sharpes,
Myself, I was inspired by a story of a guy in the tube , in London...
Pete
Here we are wracking our brains today
to write lyrics that rhyme
and if we succeed, they'll end up in time
as tommorrow's cliche's...
Pete
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 822
Serious Contributor
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Hi Bobbie! Thanks for looking at this one. - if you think it's special - then I guess it is! I take your point about "...sun don't shine" I have to say it's been jumping out at me too! ...and a very happy birthday btw!! Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Hi gaby - thanks for dopping in!
The "huckleberry friend" and "rainbow" and "bluebird" references were deliberate allusions to "Moon River" and "Somewhere Over The Rainbow"!
Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Hey SL! Thanks for the "majestic" comment! - wow! I'm glad it inspired you! Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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