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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,589
Top 100 Poster
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OP
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Posts: 1,589 |
Alternative/rockish....dark and pretty at the same time? Remember Pearl Jam's "Black".
Prism Rainbow copyright 2005 Linda Anthony
Prism Rainbow
Bent round the morning sun
brother's passed low
his birthday's come around
If I had known
one blow would take you away
If I had shown
more love when we played
I might mourn lesser today
Brown and rusted
his bike was so old
Running, crying
after pride that I stole
Scratched black vinyl
sleeves were all torn
I hear that day
father cursed we wore born
If I had known
one drink would take you away
If I had shown
some love when we played
I might mourn lesser today
Sun is sinking
past the town where you lay
past the fields where we played
Prism rainbows birthday
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 10,690
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welcome back Linda, hows life's tolls been treating you? very nice!!!! kinda reminds me of this song from Squeeze it all went wrong when i got jealous i didn't realize my strength could take the life of another, someone special together we were known as good friends ------------------ http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php [This message has been edited by sweetjoyce (edited 01-13-2005).] [This message has been edited by sweetjoyce (edited 01-13-2005).]
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 8,318
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This is rather interesting, Linda. Too poetic for country but I see you are going for alternative and I think it works. I'd rather have seen a little bit more story, but that's just a "me" thing. Good to see you out and about. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/smile.gif) ------------------ "Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
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I think this is good...Linda...It's a different style than I write....so my comment..or nit...might not be even close to correct...Whoops.....first, ..WELCOME BACK...!!! on the line.. after pride that I stole.. To me..that sounds twisted..to get to the rhyme... and I wanted to say..... mourn less...rather than lesser.... best to you..... and you were missed..... Kaley
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,005
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Hi Linda, Very good! But it looks to me like 3 verses (not 6) that need a chorus and a bridge. Terry
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,589
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OP
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thank you all for your comments and your welcome backs!
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 25
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 25 |
Wow! The best lyrics that I've read here since joining a few days ago. This is more my style. Like an impressionist painting, the meaning is there if you put any kind of thought into it, but it's not so straightfoward and blatantly obvious. I had the chills and was about ready to tear up by the end. Very powerful! I can't imagine the emotional impact of these lyrics, sung with intensity and passion, to the right music. I can't wait to hear it!
You and I need to keep in touch. Seems like we're on the same wavelength. Thanks again for your comments on "Wishes". Please read my earlier posts, "The Interconnectedness of All Things" and "Sleeping Disorder" (on pg 2, at the moment), and let me know what you think.
Blessed be,
:-)Michael
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Joined: Jan 2005
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Casual Observer
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By the way, I hope for your sake that this isn't autobiographical. I can't imagine how that would feel.
Blessings,
Michael
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,537
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
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Posts: 1,537 |
Linda,
Welcome back nabe! Hope all is going well with you. I missed the dark in this one, sure it's there? Just sounded reflective , to me.
Pete
Here we are wracking our brains today
to write lyrics that rhyme
and if we succeed, they'll end up in time
as tommorrow's cliche's...
Pete
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 25
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
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Posts: 25 |
Dude? Pay attention. Little brother was killed by a drunk! Not dark enough for ya?
Blessings,
Michael
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 25
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
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Posts: 25 |
Oh, and I get the impression that the drunk who killed the little brother was the father. Ouch. You can't get too much darker than that.
Sorry to have been a smart-ass though. It's my natural instinct, but one that I need to continue working to tame.
Blessed be,
Michael
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Top 10 Poster
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G'Mornin' Lady L!
Gawrsh, I mus' REALLY be gettin' Old..I didn't see HALF of what Mercury divined outta this Lyric!
"Blow" has drug connotations, too...so I wuz sorty thrown Off-the-Trail early-on.
"After pride I stole" STILL confuses me.
Was Baby Bro wheelin' after her after she insulted him..& missed seein' (Dad's?) Car en route? My un-well-clued Mind boggles! Now "Brown & TWISTED"...I'd have "Got It" WAY Quicker, perhaps. & perhaps Not--I'm nowhere Near as Sharp as Merc'!
The "one drink" line is SO Cryptic it's Cool! (of course, threw me way OFF the track again.)
I assume "Prism Rainbow" is the Kid Bro's Name? Maybe Not...
Anyways, Neat Job! "KUDOS" for a Nicely-Cryptic Lament, & Good Luck with it.
Big Hugs,
Ol' Stan
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 25
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
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Posts: 25 |
I think she stole his bike, so he was crying & running after her. Not sure that the father hit the boy w/ a car. Might have been a "blow" to the head. So, the bike thing would be a different memory that makes her feel guilty for teasing him and being mean to him.
Care to help us out here, Linda, or would you rather we keep guessing?
Blessed be,
:-)Michael
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Joined: Oct 2003
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Mercury-wow! the first of what you mention was very deep and fortunately not accurate. Just when I thought maybe this was too strange for others I come in after a long day of work and read your last post that nailed it! Yeah, I was a witchy sister and I stole his bike and his records and destroyed everything that I touched of his..I was a thorn in his side. His birthday is Dec. 18 which is the day I actually wrote this, 2004. There was a rainbow shaped like parenthesis on the sides of the sun that morning...there hadn't been any rain so that's where I came up with the idea to write this one for my brother on his birthday.
I thank you all a wicked lot for acknowledging this song. Take Care, Linda
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,537
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
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Posts: 1,537 |
ya'welcome , Linda,
Any time.
Merc,
Still think it's all that dark? No , I didn't ring up Linda and get the scoop on the song. Just can't see the dark in wishing to have been a better person, how elsly would it come about?
Pete and a smiley face for ya Merc.
Here we are wracking our brains today
to write lyrics that rhyme
and if we succeed, they'll end up in time
as tommorrow's cliche's...
Pete
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 25
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 25 |
So let me get this straight:
Your brother is still alive? He wasn't killed by a blow to the head from the drinking father? If not, then why "one blow would take you away", and "one drink would take you away, and "father cursed we were born"? What are those things referring to? They seem like clues to a traggic story.
Blessed be,
:-P Michael
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,448
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Hi there Linda sweetheart my Maine neighbour....How's things.
Very poetic style like a lot of your lyrics.
I'm on the same page as Tricia with this one.
However, it's a super write for alternative for sure.
Eric
If you're going to judge someone, do it on the side of mercy.
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