JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 Her Legacy (with audio)

I'll be in to do some critiquing instead of working tomorrow... till then, a new collaboration.

Listen here: http://www.songramp.com/view.ez?sampleid=25040

or here for those of you with slower connections (like myself): http://www.soundclick.com/bands/4/coreyparkmanmusic.htm

Her Legacy
©2004 Corey Parkman/Scott Word

She said there was no room for her dreams
In this little backwoods town
Said she was ready to try her wings
Leave this patch of ground
She wanted to see how far she could get
Wanted to be remembered
Well I don’t know if she’s made it yet
But she was true to her word

’Cause she’s already gone and left her mark
A trail of scars across my broken heart
Tatters and tears are all she left of me
A lost and lonely man, that's her legacy

Now a quiet two bedroom house
Stands in memorial
It’s filled with shadows, regrets and doubt
Old pictures down the hall
And here at this bar just across town
The smoke hangs like a ghost
With a half empty bottle of Crown
In her name I raise a toast

Oh she’s already gone and left her mark
A trail of scars across my broken heart
Tatters and tears are all she left of me
A lost and lonely man, that's her legacy

Bridge
The truth in her words is forever burned in my mind
She always said she wanted to leave something behind

(Repeat Chorus)

[This message has been edited by Corey (edited 01-04-2005).]

WOW, That Bridge is a Bittersweet HOOT, CoreyGuy!

Mebbie "ESCAPIN' this patch of ground"

"Remembered/Word" din't QUITE Half-Rhyme for me somehow...as I Read it...Wierd how it DOES Rhyme when SUNG!

Howbout "DEEP Trail of Scars across my broken heart"...? Excellent Chorus..3-Full-Hankeys-Worth! (Mebbie "THIS Lost, Lonely Man, that's Her Legacy"..got an "and" in Line-Prior...)

LOVE the Irony in dat BRIDGE Again...
"KUDOS" as-Usual, and K-O-S alla the Late Nite Suggestions, Amigo!

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

I loved this demo.. Sounds like a hit to me!


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http://shayneman.proboards19.com/

I tried to listen but you do not have a "download" option on that song and I use Linux and for some reason, I can't simply click to listen, I have to download, then listen. The lyric appears well-written but I'd have to hear it to pass judgment. Good luck.

Corey, very good song.

I haven't been around since I got booted off the board many months ago.
I only today heard the news about Dawg.
I can't believe it, he was the golden standard as far as I am concerned. I too will miss him terribly.
Please pass on to Bobbie my condolences, let her know she is in my thoughts and prayers.
I am stunned.

Regards,
Justin Hauser

Thanks Stan. I knew the 'word/remembered' rhyme would be a toughie, but Scott pulled it off flawlessly. I appreciate all the suggestions. This'n is getting a pro critique right now as well and we'll combine all the suggestions and get this one pitch-worthy. I appreciate the visit.

CP

Can't give a listen at the moment, but if it sounds as good as it reads...you've got a winner. Well done, once again.

Randy

Thanks Shayne. That means a lot, coming from an accomplished writer such as yourself.

CP

Glad you liked the lyric, Duke. I've added the song to my Soundclick site, so you can now listen or download here: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/4/coreyparkmanmusic.htm

I like this a lot, Corey! The only word that didn't seem to flow well (to me) was "memorial", but everything else sounded really good! I've never met Scott, but he did a great job ... bet it won't be your last collab!

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Mary Lou

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/3/mlsudkampmusic.htm

Thanks Justin. Good to see you back on the site. Yeah, we definitely miss the presence of Greydog. He was a friend and a great writer. I hope I carry a little bit of him with me as I go forward in my writing.

CP

Thanks Randy. I hope you get a chance to listen to the song. The words alone don't do it justice... Scott really did it up right.

CP

Hey Corey

you gotta stop bogarting all the great singers great stuff!!!

Thanks Mary Lou. Yeah, 'memorial' is a toughie. I think he might sing it a little easier as he gets more comfortable with the song (or we might end up having to change it, lol). Glad you liked the tune!

CP

Thanks Ritt. Funny you say that about bogarting singers... to be perfectly honest, this was the first collab I've done that came about because I made the first contact. I'd heard Scott on several tracks and thought his style fit mine, so I emailed him... and the first fruit is pretty tasty. Hope there are more to come. Hey, if you don't mind, drop back by Songramp and gimme a 'favorite' vote (if in fact, you feel that it is worthy), and you'll pop me up into the country top 10 chart.

CP

I hate songramp

Songramp has decided that me and my dial up aren't good enopugh to listen to your music

screw songramp

they won't even let me download it like on other sites

i hate songramp

SCREW songramp !

sorry, corey...I tried

Have I mentioned that I HATE songramp?

Bob

Wait, Bob....! Try this: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/4/coreyparkmanmusic.htm

Is Soundclick more to your liking?

Bob - I found the same problem as you on songramp. I'm on dial up too (but not for much longer yipeee!). But I found that if you click on play - and nothing happens - click on play a second time, and it comes up with a download option - worked for me!

Corey - I'll come back to you when I've managed to listen to it!

Diane

there ya go, i voted for all three songs!!!

Corey...just came back to let you know I finally got a chance to listen. That's a fine job. Sounds great.

Randy

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http://www.songramp.com/homepage.ez?Who=RandyB
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/4/randybakermusic.htm

Corey, I got to it.

I have no idea what you are trying to do with this song. I am going to assume pitch it to artists. If it's just for your own record, it's fine. It's a good song, well done.

As for commercial potential, I don't think it will go anywhere. I think the lyric is good, the music is good, the voice is good, the recording is good. But I don't think it's great. I don't think it's memorable. What makes a song memorable? I don't know, you know it when you hear it. It's elusive.

Again, very well done. But in the spurned love department, there a gazillions songs an it has to be terrific to stand out. Good luck! BTW, "memorial" sounded odd.

C'mon back when you hear it, Diane.

Thanks Ritt. You and somebody else voted and vaulted the tune to #9.

Thanks Randy. Glad you enjoyed and I'll pass along the thumbs up.

CP

That someone else was me, Corey. Thought you could use another step up the ladder.

Randy

Just listened Corey. I really enjoyed it! Scott has a wonderful voice. Well done both of you! I gave it a vote too!

Diane

Thanks Duke. I appreciate the honestly. Yeah, we'd love for this to be commercial, but your points are well taken. Any thoughts on how this could stand out more? I think it's lyrically different than anything I've heard, for the most part. Like I told Stan, this is getting a pro critique from two writers and one of them has had some ideas for the melody. Anyway, good to hear from you and thanks again for the comments!

Thanks for the boost Randy.

And Diane, thanks for the reply and the vote. I think the song's at #7 now . Probably won't go much higher, as the Songramp stalwarts pretty much rule the roost.

CP

Wow! This is SWEET, Trailerparkman. You and Scott do a GREAT little collab thing. Two thumbs up, boys! Good luck with it, too.

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Excellent piece, Corey. I'll surely be doing the Sonramp thang for ya.

Eddie

Thanks Tricia. I hope Scott and I can do more work together. This ain't bad for a first time out, if I say so myself.

Hey Eddie. Welcome to JPF... I appreciate the read/listen/comments!

CP