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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/05/24 01:49 PM
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Cafe Wha?
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/04/24 03:30 PM
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Conspiracy
Patricia Baker, BMIÓ2004
Your web of conspiracy,
Clings to the corners of my mind
I’m so caught up in the dream
Too afraid to close my eyes
And, I’ll never get enough
Of your cloak and dagger love
A victim of your conspiracy
Chorus:
So, who am I to come between
My lover and my heart
One that’s lost without a prayer
Once so hidden by the dark
Tangled up so hopelessly
In willingness to play a part
In your conspiracy
Trapped by the conspiracy
That preys upon me in the night
An accomplice to thievery
So surreal in the moonlight
Odyssey of twists and turns
Fires that forever burns
A victim of your conspiracy
Repeat Chorus
Bridge:
Desire bursting at the seams
Such passion in the final scene
Repeat Chorus
[This message has been edited by Tricia Baker (edited 12-24-2004).]
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Tricia
I commented on this elsewhere before this rewrite.
I really like what you've done with the chorus in the rewrite. It explains the conspiracy angle.
Good job!
Eric
If you're going to judge someone, do it on the side of mercy.
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Tricia,
That doggone Eric stole my thunder! I was thinking EXACTLY the same thing...a great rewrite of the bridge. Any ambiguities have been eradicated.
I think I like this about as good as anything you've written lately. Super duper nice!
Alan
------------------
If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.
[This message has been edited by sideman66 (edited 12-23-2004).]
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Thanks, Eric and Alan. I added one more line in the chorus to make it flow better and tweaked the verses just a teeny tiny bit. This one has driven me nuts today. ------------------ "Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Hi Tricia Hey forget what I said in the previous post - you've improved this baby to near perfection!! The chorus provides clarification (love the first two lines ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/smile.gif) ), and it all flows so well. One tiny suggestion - last verse, line 3:- Wrapped up in YOUR thievery? I enjoyed this so much - thanks Tricia! Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Hi, Diane. I tweaked a little bit more today. This one's getting on my nerves but I'm getting closer, I think. Thanks for the encouragement with it. Merry Christmas!! ------------------ "Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Ok Tricia, wrap it up and put it under the tree
A Very Merry Christmas to you and your Family
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Thanks, Ritt. I will. How bout chocolate chip cookies? My son will be here in 30 minutes. I'M TIRED OF WAITING ON HIM AND THE FAT GUY IN THE RED SUIT!!!!!! I wantta open presents. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/frown.gif) ------------------ "Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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I erased the previous message I had posted on this thread because sometimes I get quite passionately involved in what I'm doing and say some things that I don't actually mean.
I had a hard time pulling my big foot out of my mouth but I finally did.
Eric
[This message has been edited by writefortune (edited 12-30-2004).]
If you're going to judge someone, do it on the side of mercy.
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I'm glad you aren't going anywhere, Eric. We need to have constructive critiques-otherwise, we will not continue to grow. I, for one, don't want someone to pat me on the head and say "good job". I want an honest critique. I miss Dawg, too. I know he'd always give it to me straight up. He put alot of thought and care into a critique. ------------------ "Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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I like it, Tricia! One nit: Last verse, L6...Fire that forever burns....or Fires that forever burn......sorry ...just the proofreader in me coming out....GREAT
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Good catch, Shelia. I've looked at this one so much my eyes were crossed. Thanks a bunch! Glad to see you made it home safe and sound. I read your email and I'll respond to it as soon as I buy groceries. Otherwise, we won't eat today! Later, tater!! ------------------ "Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Nice job, Tricia. I love your first 2 lines also.
Hi Write Fortune - Good to see you back. Anne
Anne M-W
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Hi, Anne! Hope your Christmas was wonderful! Thanks for giving this the once over. Happy New Year! ------------------ "Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Nice work, Tricia. I can see I'm gonna like it here. I have, tho, already encountered on eof the insecure assholes which were refereced above. Oh, well, that's what spins the world, no? Anyways, I didn't see the oprignial, but this one near sings itself. Interesting things going on in that head of yours...;^)
Eddie
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Thanks, Eddie. I write children's lyrics, too. When you see some of those, you'll REALLY wonder. I have some of those posted on Soundclick site-they happen to be some of my favorites. Snakes. Chocolate Milk. Mr. Moon. Last Little Cornflake. Those are a few of them. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/wink.gif) ------------------ "Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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I will check them out, Tricia. I would appreciate your honest review of my song "He Could Come This Very Night" on the other lyric forum. You, I can trust!
Eddie
[This message has been edited by FastEddie (edited 12-29-2004).]
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Tricia,
So, when am I gonna here this over the airwaves? It's better than 90% of what I'm hearing recently. It deserves to be heard.
I think it has a unique hook and you have developed it so very well. I've reread this darned thing about half a dozen times just becasue I enjoy it that much. Best of luck with this!
Alan
------------------
If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.
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As soon as Larry can catch his breath from the holidays, we'll get started again. I've had to regroup, myself, the past few days. Thanks so much, Alan. I really appreciate the encouragement. ------------------ "Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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I erased the previous message I had posted on this thread because sometimes I get quite passionately involved in what I'm doing and say some things that I don't actually mean.
I had a hard time pulling my big foot out of my mouth but I finally did.
Eric
If you're going to judge someone, do it on the side of mercy.
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Eric, I knew you didn't mean that stuff you said. Sometimes we do things like that-but, we're all human. Most people do that sort of thing when they are angry or their feelings are hurt. I can attest to this, for sure. I'm sure we ALL can. Please check your email, ok? ------------------ "Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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