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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/24/24 10:25 AM
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by Sunset Poet - 04/24/24 08:09 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 10:08 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 12:41 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/22/24 10:39 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/22/24 11:04 AM
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by Rob B. - 04/21/24 08:40 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/20/24 03:22 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/20/24 12:36 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/20/24 12:34 PM
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 336
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OP
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a sad AAA guitar ballad , very slow tempo as shown .
Our Love Survived
[instrumental intro]
from the first heated kiss .. we would fight control ....
didn't see the police .. as they made their patrol ....
windows were steamy .. the report wasn't right ....
no sex took place ..........
but I lost you that night .
[instrumental]
deemed a problem teen .. so they sent you away ....
as a convicted offender .. two years I would pay ....
worried that you'd change .. I would kneel and pray ....
and marked my calendar ..........
to wait for that day .
[instrumental]
with two months to go .. you would visit me ....
you had turned eighteen .. and now you were free ....
you said in thirty days .. you could be my wife ....
there were tears in your eyes ........
that I couldn't wipe .
[short instrumental]
we had both been wronged ......
but our love survived .
[short instrumental]
eighteen as we planned , and ......
our love survived .
©-2004-Don Martin
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
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Hi Dee Brother Don!
Interesting Read...Sad Teen Love Song...
Alas, it's not fer sure that it's the Teen that's bein' Released while the Guy's STILL doing Time. (Tho I did, eventually, "get" the "Tears his Hands couldn't Dry" Line)
Hmm...ya DID state the Time Frame for Each of their Releases...didn't ya?
Maybe "..tears in your eyes I had to wait to wipe"....(K-O-S) is easier-to-understand?
Nice little Sad One..with that Wonnaful Happy Endin'...Congrats & "KUDOS"...tho I did kinda yearn for more Details. It's perhaps too much of a Sketch to feel like a Portrait.
Good Luck with it, Amigo! Big Guy-Hug, Stan
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Joined: Mar 2004
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Hey Stan
Shootin for an early Dylan style that required thinking , with a very slow pace to give ya the time to do so . The vocal expressions will help explanations a bit , but perhaps some clarity (as you say) will eventually have to be incorporated during re-write .
The theme was they weren't doing what was charged , and yet they survived being wronged anyway . Glad you found it interesting -- first attempt at an AAA style song lyric .
Don
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 10,690
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liking, but not liking the convicted offender.....sounds to much like an "eager beaver" for one to root for....
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,857 Likes: 1
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Good morning Don, This is different type of a topic. It's easy to agree with Ritt's thoughts, because it leads you to believe that the guy was MUCH older. It's possible he wasn't THAT much older. Gotta love a good prison song, would like to hear it someday. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com.bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm
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Joined: Mar 2004
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Hey Ritt
Know what you mean , but wanting to leave it abstract enough -- for the guy to have been any age . Never thought that was a problem area , but you have enlightened me on it (and I thank you) .
Don
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 336
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Hey Cal
Never tried anything like this type or style before , and therefore needed to learn how . Wanted age of the guy to be abstract to fit listeners imagination , and that is why it's undeclared .
I don't sing (family request) , or play guitar , so it may be destined to be written word only .
Always look forward to your visits and comments , appreciate your time guy .
Don
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