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Hanging By A Guitar String
Cindy Miller © 2004 BMI

MALE VOCAL

VERSE
Lonely nights in numbered rooms
Sticky floors in cheap saloons
Hardly what I’d call the comforts of home

This empty thing I call my life
Is getting old and so am I
If I didn’t have regrets I’d be alone

CHORUS
I’m hanging by a guitar string
Chasing time and a broken dream
Wondering if you wonder, too
Where we’d be if I followed through
Your memory is a haunting thing
When I’m hanging by a guitar string

VERSE
Thoughts of where we might have been
Lace the songs I sing to them
Reminds ‘em of the love they almost knew

They don’t come to dance along
They’re looking for a hurtin song
Night after night it ain’t been hard to do

CHORUS
Cause…I’m hanging by a guitar string
Chasing time and a broken dream
Wondering if you wonder, too
Where we’d be if I followed through
Your memory is a haunting thing
When I’m hanging by a guitar string

BRIDGE
Somewhere tonight inside a home
A man will hit his knees
He’ll thank the Lord he has you
Just wish that man was me

CHORUS
I’m hanging by a guitar string
Chasing time and a broken dream
Wondering if you wonder, too
Where we’d be if I followed through
Your memory is a haunting thing
When I’m hanging by a guitar string


[This message has been edited by TINK (edited 12-02-2004).]

Hiya Tinkapooh. Glad you got a new computer to play with. Hopefully you have to time to come play with us some again.


A few teenie suggestions for this haunting, self reflecting little number...

"numbered rooms" means nothing in context of your lyric.... hows about "countless" ??


I don't have your melody, but certainly "visually", starting the chorus with "hanging" is more powerful...and should stretch around your notes


And a (((bsh))) backatcha

G'Mornin' {{{Tink}}}

OOO...a Nice Sad One..'tis Certainly The Season for That!

On first read that "..If I followed Through" hit me as a Suicidal Sorty Threat...since ya got "Hangin" as a Hook here... Second read I "got" it. maybe "I'D"..past tense..would make the thought clearer...dunno--

"Shape" insteada "lace" would give a bit of Alitteration..& require less Thinkin' Time to Translate..perhaps...

This sings in mah head as a Great Lounge Song...& should sell a Ton of Beers. & CDs too! "KUDOS" & Good Luck with it!

Big {{{Tink HUGZ!!!}}}
Stan

Howdy Mz Tink,

I picked up on the fact that the numbered rooms is referring to him staying in motels, at least I think so. This is another good downer. Not exactly what I enjoy listening to but I suspect there is a place for this. It is well written. Didn't see anything I would suggest changing.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hi Johnjohn!! Great to hear from you!

Numbered rooms refers to, as Bobbie pointed out, hotel rooms. Countless would work, but I kinda like numbered. Thanks so much for your thoughts!

{{{BSH}}}
Tink

Hi ya Tink,

Nice happy tune here, ha.
Well done though.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

Tink,
Nice to see you back again. Like this one so much I'd like to write in a female vocal part and a duiet part if it's okay.
Pete

Evenin {{{STAN}}}!! Thanks for taking a look at this one. I hadn't been writing since my computer took it's final dump, but one day I was sorta thinking about hooks. Looking for something "eyecatching" or a twist on something. I thought of "hanging by a thread" and decided I'd switch out the thread for "guitar string" and make it about a guy who left behind the love of his life for a dream that didn't pan out and he's found all he ever wanted was love. That's where the "hanging..." came from. Sorry it made ya think of suicide, certainly wasn't my intent, but I see where you got it with the "followed through" line.

Initially I had "tempting thing" in the chorus instead of "haunting thing" and I had "haunt the songs I sing to them", but I didn't like "tempting", I liked "haunting" and figured I'd use "lace" insteada "Haunt" frankly because I couldn't think of a better word. "Shape" may work nicely also. I thank you for that suggestion. And the "I'D" for the followed through line... maybe.

Anyway, I thank you kindly my friend. Just returned home from my 7th grader's school concert, looking forward to a long winter's nap. Sure wish it would snow! Have a good night!

{{{BIG HUGZ}}}
Tink

Hey, Tink! Once I saw you critique my lyric here, I figured a new one of yours wouldn't be far behind. Glad to have ya back. I'm feeling lazy, so lemme just lay this one out and see what there is to see....

VERSE
Lonely nights in numbered rooms
Sticky floors in cheap saloons
Hardly what I’d call the comforts of home

This empty thing I call my life
Is getting old and so am I
If IT WASN'T FOR regrets I’d be alone

Great start! Paints a good picture with not many syllables. I have no problem with "numbered rooms." Good way to refer to motel rooms. I still have a little problem with that last line even after my change.

CHORUS
I’m hanging by a guitar string
Chasing time and a broken dream
Wondering if you wonder, too
Where we’d be if I followed through
Your memory is a haunting thing
When I’m hanging by a guitar string

Nice. This chorus seems to assume things that we don't yet know about this guy, though, which doesn't seem quite right.

VERSE
Thoughts of where we might have been
Lace the songs I sing to them
Reminds ‘em of the love they almost knew

They don’t come to dance along
They’re looking for a hurtin song
Night after night it ain’t been hard to do

Very good. Nuthin' to suggest offhand.

CHORUS

BRIDGE
Somewhere tonight inside a home
A man will hit his knees
He’ll thank the Lord he has you
Just wish that man was me

Very nice too. I dunno about "inside a home", though. I don't think you need to say *that*, necessarily. People will still get the idea.

CHORUS

This is pretty solid, Tink. I'd say it's better than your typical lyric of 3 or 4 years ago, even. Nice job.

Anthony


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Anthony's BeSonic site-- Open 24 hours!

Hi Tink,

Wow. I love this. I wouldn't be able to
improve it if I tried. "Numbered Rooms"
is a very unique way of saying hotel/motel.
The entire lyric is wonderful IMO.

Diane

Hi Tink

very strong torch song

i might change this line

Where we’d be if I followed through

to

if only we had followed through

so as not to conflict with a like line in the following verse

all this may have been said before, i'm too tired to read the other reviews....YEY for the new computer!!!! Great to have you back!

I know, I know Bobbie... I need to come out of the dark and lighten things up once in a while. I promise I'll try one of these days. Thanks for stopping in and offering your kind words. Hope all is well with you.

{{{Hugz to you, Bobbie!!}}}

Mornin Calvin, thanks for lookin, likin and sayin so!

Hey Pete, I'm always interested in perpetuating creativity, so I'd love to hear what you have going through your head! Thanks so much!

Hi Sheila, Thank you for taking the time to comment. I used to post a whole lot more, and now that I have a new computer, I hope to get back to it. Thanks again!

Anthony, you're on deck for the next reply.

I'll be back!
Tink

Tink,
Thank you kindly for the encouragement and hi-sign. Started working on it and my clumsy meat-hooks must have hit cntrl-alt-esc or something , the screen ended up split, I made the useless side go away , came back to the quoted portion of "Hanging by a Guitar string" and everything I'd done up to the bridge was gonzo, honest I'll try to start again tommorrow.
Hope this doesn't mean the muses are ticked... Are songwriters generally superstitious?
Pete

Hi Tink ....I'm new here, so I wanted to say hello

This was beautiful....and there's really not much more I can say beyond that, except that I LOVED your bridge. VERY well done!!

Tina

Hi, Tink. I loved the numbered rooms line, too. I wish I had more time to read every response to this. I love that hook. Are you going to do an mp3 of this anytime soon? It's really cool.

------------------
"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Tink,
Almost forgot to say , hope you like it.
Pete

Hi Tink,This is some real good writing. And very easy to sing. Hope to see some more stuff from you soon Take care. Nite

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Poems belong in bookstores. Lyrics belong in songs.

Hi Tink - Your chorus here made my heart squeeze a little. For me, that's a sign that it's a really good song. Well written. I vote to keep the numbered rooms. Nice job. Anne

This is excellent Tink. Up until the bridge, that is. Don't get me wrong, it's excellent too... but for another song. It's kinda a left turn from the subject matter and doesn't lead all that well back into the chorus. Other'n that, this is a gem!

CP

Numbered rooms works real good tink. So does most of it. With corey on the bridge.
Graham

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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/grahamhendersonmusic.htm

late night/early morning bridge idea....

as i look over the crowd
everyone is teary eyed
my weary heart whines on
one more for the road, one more for the slide

Hi Tink!
I'd reverse the first two sections to put the hotel room reference closer to the title line:

This empty thing I call my life
Is getting old and so am I
If I didn’t have regrets I’d be alone

Lonely nights in numbered rooms
Sticky floors in cheap saloons
Hardly what I’d call the comforts of home

CHORUS
I’m hanging by a guitar string
Chasing time and a broken dream
Wondering if you wonder, too
Where we’d be if I followed through
Your memory is a haunting thing
When I’m hanging by a guitar string


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http://shayneman.proboards19.com/

Hey, Blondie !

Sorry it took so long to get to this...
I'm not writing much lately, so I'm not comfortable with critiquing..but..this ones esay so...

This is lovely and sad...

I'm with Graham and Corey..

I don't think the bridge is up to the rest of it..

Corey may be right..it could be ethat the bridge is great too, but in the wrong song.

I'd be excising it completely and doing a total rewrite.(just the bridge)

Really good stuff, Tinkala.....

Bob

Good mornin all! Wow, thanks for all the great feedback!!

Hi Anth, I like the fix for the last line in the first verse, think I'll take it. And I'm glad to hear you are on board with "numbered rooms". The bridge reference to "inside a home" is trying to drive home the idea that the singer doesn't have a home, but as I've read this morning, the bridge needs some work. Thank you for stoppin by and offering your help. I always appreciate it!!

Diane, thanks so much for the "wow", I'll take one of those any day!! It's especially nice since it's the first thing I've written in months.

Hey Ritt!! You have no idea how nice it is to have this new Dell! It's awesome!! Thanks for the welcome back. Your fix for the "followed through" line is one I will surely consider. Thanks so much!!

Hey there Pete!! I read your duet-very nicely done!! reminds me of Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock's "Picture". Thank you, I really take it as a compliment that something I've written has inspired another writer - and it turned out GREAT! Thank you!!!

Hello Tina! Very nice to meet you and I promise to take a look at your stuff! I'm so happy you liked this and it's nice to get a thumbs up on the bridge given some of the other's responses to it. I appreciate your looking, likin and sayin so!!

Tricia, so nice to hear from you! I'm sorry to say I don't have any music for this. I don't do music and I'm only just getting back into the writing thing. With the new computer, I hope to be doing more, which will hopefully mean music will follow. thanks so much!!

Hi Nite! I'm happy to hear this was easy to sing. I actually "sing" the songs as they write them. It helps me with the metering aspect. I hope you get to see more stuff from me soon, too! That would mean the muse has returned. Thanks again.

I'll take "heartsqueezin" in a critique ANY day!! I am also very happy to get another thumbs up on the "numbered rooms". Thanks girlfriend!!

COREY!!!!!!!!! Dammit, I hate when you're right!!! I would have NEVER given it a second thought until you raised the ole eyebrow. Ya know what, finding something like that is a true sign of a GREAT writer and that is definitely what you have become (or were born to be), so I can't help but know you and Graham and Bob are right on the money... dammit! But, thanks, it's what I need to know! Thanks for the help and kind words.

Graham, yep, you are correct, my downunder wonder! Thanks, buddy!

Ritt, my friend, thanks for the thoughts, it sparkes some of my own... how about:

One last song at closing time
a bandaid for broken hearts
they'll all return to empty homes
at least I have my guitar
??

Shayne, it's so nice to see you! And you know what, You could be right about flip flopping the first two stanzas. It does set the chorus up nicely. Thanks so much!!

Bob, do not ever apologize (even though I'm been waiting anxiously to see if you'd stop by. ) Late from you is all the sweeter... he who stops by last, stays longer! It's the law! You, Corey, and Graham are totally right! And I'm a workin on it!

Thanks again y'all, I really appreciate everyone who took the time to improve my lyric. You guys are the best!

Tinkala Z. (Bob's first Bongette)





[This message has been edited by TINK (edited 12-05-2004).]

ouch O bongette

One last song at closing time
a bandaid for broken hearts
they'll all return to empty homes
at least I have my guitar

i don't think you should chastise the audience....

One last song at closing time
a bandaid for broken hearts
some will heal nicely
some will never leave my guitar

???????

Thanks , Tink,
Carefull with them kudoses , though , I'm apt to get a swell head, oops ...too late lol.
Pete