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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 750 Likes: 2
Top 500 Poster
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OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 750 Likes: 2 |
This is a rare attempt for me at writing a love song. I'm wondering if the second verse may be a little blunt. I also imagine it with a female singer, though it would probably work with a male. Thanks. This I Love You I Say To You by Andrew Karpinski Verse 1: I said it, I love you, yet you act as if I said I washed my hair I mean it, it is true, yet you behave like you don't really care The way the words stuck in my throat, this glistening of my eyes The goose bumps running down my arms, I thought you'd realize It really took a lot for me to say these simple words to you Chorus 1: Yes, it's true, I'm so in love with you But you don't seem to understand the fuss Can't you see just what you mean to me These dreams I dream are dreamt for both of us For this is not a casual display This I love you I say to you today Verse 2: For many, I have seen, love is just a feeling that they want It's sad, but it seems the person that they love an afterthought Just like a sticky Post-It note they slap on someone's back Their love is an emotion that they will quickly tack On anyone who's not too wrong and gives them a second look Repeat chorus 1 Bridge: I'm not looking for any lover who might just pass my way Only for you is my love true You can trust my love is here to stay Chorus 2: Yes, it's true, I'm so in love with you Please try to understand why I fuss Can't you see just what you mean to me These dreams I dream are dreamt for both of us For this is not a casual display This I love you I say to you today Outtro: No, this is not a casual display This I love you I say to you This I love you I say to you This I love you I say to you today Copyright 2004 A. Karpinski, BMI. All rights reserved. ------------------ Stone Marmot www.stonemarmot.com
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 652
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 652 |
Hi Andy, firstly, pleased to meet you The structure kinda threw me, so I will just do that first to get a feel if its ok..and some suggested chances, yours to keep or sweep! Imo The title needs to be clearer.. My words Of Love or "I Love you" suggestion only for easy reading. Verse 1: I said it, I love you, You reacted like I said I washed my hair I mean it, it is true, but its like you don't really care The words stuck in my throat, feelings glistened in my eyes Goose bumps rising on my arms, I thought you'd realize It really took a lot for me to say these simple words to you Chorus 1: Yes, it's true, I'm so in love with you But you don't seem to understand the fuss Can't you see just what you mean to me These dreams I dream are dreams for both of us For this is not a casual display These 3 words I love you have meaning when I say Verse 2: For many, I have seen, love is just a feeling that they seek It's sad, but it seems the person that they love becomes an afterthought Like a sticky Post-It note Slapped on someone's back Their love was a passing emotion that they too quickly tack On anyone who's not too wrong and gives them a second look Repeat chorus 1 Bridge: I'm not looking for any lover who might just pass my way Only for you,is my love true You can trust my love is here to stay Chorus 2: Yes, it's true, I'm so in love with you Please try to understand why I fuss Can't you see just what you mean to me These dreams I dream are dreams for both of us For this is not a casual display These 3 words I love you have meaning when I say Outtro: No, this is not a casual display This I love you I say to you This I love you I say to you This I love you I say to you today Copyright 2004 A. Karpinski, BMI. All rights reserved. The reason I have done this:- These 3 words I love you have meaning when I say is to make it a non casual thing as you state in 2nd verse, becuase if you say today then it could fade tomorrow if you know what I mean... but adding a meaning, and your strong feelings in verse one, you are trying to say its a geniune thing that wont pass like others.. so I tried to capture that be removing today from the chorus but you can say it in the end becuase its talking about whats happening now. The meter is not flowing right from verse one to two, but it could with a little work. Hope this helps, if I got carried away bite me(I'd understand) sry Liana http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/katziismusic.htm
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 750 Likes: 2
Top 500 Poster
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OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 750 Likes: 2 |
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I'm still trying to digest your suggestions and will see if I can make them work with the music I have or come up with something better. Thanks again. ------------------ Stone Marmot www.stonemarmot.com
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