JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 "I NEED INPUT! INPUT aka Johnny 5 [Short Circuit]

Mentioned in another post that I have 3 Projects coming up. The first one is to "Volunteer Records" (no problem there); the next is to "Christmas & Holiday Music (BMI)" (no prob. there either); and the third is to the, "USA Songwriting Competition" and my problem is which song should I enter?

The "lyric" is the thing and so if you do not mind please read the following 3 lyrics and just tell me what you think.

(I have just uploaded them to Besonic and the mp3 files may take a few days, the dead line for all is next week, and so I may not be able to get you the sound files to hear the finished demos BUT like I said it is the "lyric".)

So here they are:

It’s Christmas Eve
(12/23/84)

[A]
Let the snow fall down for its Christmas Eve.
Let it cover the ground all the leaves and all the trees.
Let the children dream of what is to be.
Let the snow fall down for its Christmas Eve.

[B]
It’s Christmas Eve and tomorrow Old St. Nick
will have arrived.
Bringing toys to all the children and a meaning to
their lives.

It’s Christmas Eve and tomorrow starts the beginning
of something new.
It’s Christmas Eve and tomorrow I’ll be
spending it with you.

[A]
The church on the corner at twelve will ring its bells.
People will sing carols, together their voices swell.
We will turn off the lights and we’ll both agree.
Let the snow fall down for its Christmas Eve.

Copyright © by Douglas Murphy

*********************************************

It Was Santa
(12/21/00)

(Chorus)
It was Santa! Santa!
Could have had the proof.
Should have snapped the picture
of the big guy on the roof.
It was Santa! Santa!
Then I could have said.
Also had a picture of
his reindeer and his sled.

(V)
Spent a great deal of my time searching his existence.
Many years in planning, all in vain.
Then last night I guess I was rewarded for persistence.
For the light I saw wasn’t any plane! (Chorus: “It was…” )

(V)
Heard the sound of jingle bells softly, softly jingle.
Caught the sound of tiny weenie hoofs.
Jumped ‘cross the bed fully dressed did not stop to tinkle.
Knew that it was Saint Nick on my roof! (Chorus: “Oh! It was…” )

(V)
Grabbed the camera from the hall, slipped out through the back door.
The wind was cold the moon was big and bright.
Looked up in awe and disbelief forgetting what I was there for.
Forgetting I had Santa in my sights! (Chorus: “It was…” )

(B)
Watched him as he disappeared quickly down my chimney.
Couldn’t wait to show this to my friends.
Never stopped and realized I hadn’t clicked his picture
not until he was off again! (Chorus: “BUT it was….” )

(Chorus)
It was Santa! Santa!
Could have had the proof.
Should have snapped the picture
of the big guy on the roof.
It was Santa! Santa!
Then I could have said.
Also had a picture of
his reindeer and his sled.

Copyright © 2004 by Douglas Murphy

*********************************************

Close Your Eyes
(01/01/89)

[A]
Close your eyes and go to sleep.
Let’s not hear another peep.
No more time to count snowflakes.
Santa won’t come if you’re awake.

[A]
Close your eyes good and tight.
I know Christmas does excite.
And in the morning around day break.
Come on in give us a shake.

[A]
Close your eyes my little ones.
And tomorrow we’ll have lots of fun.
Close your eyes and go to sleep.
Let’s not here another peep.

Copyright © 2004 by Douglas Murphy


------------------
"You can do what ever you want to do where ever you want to go.
It's up to you." John Denver

My Homepage is at:

www.besonic.com/douglasmurphy

[This message has been edited by douglas (edited 05-17-2004).]

Hey Douglas,

I'd vote for #3, though it is a bit short

Bill

Hi Doug,
IMO, #3. Sounds soft and sweet.
Mel

Hi Doug

#2

and i want the video!

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http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php

I like #2 and #3
#2 definately needs video
Good Luck!
Kathy

Thank you Bill, Mel,SJ and Kathy for the support.

"It Was Santa!","It's Christmas Eve" and "Close Your Eyes" are now uploaded on my Homepage at:

www.besonic.com/douglasmurphy

Please have a listen if you've the time.

Douglas

"Oh! Ya. I will be going back to the studio to "tweek" out some of the things I hear that don't sound right. If you hear anything please tell me."

------------------
"You can do what ever you want to do where ever you want to go.
It's up to you." John Denver

My Homepage is at:

www.besonic.com/douglasmurphy

[This message has been edited by douglas (edited 05-18-2004).]

[This message has been edited by douglas (edited 05-18-2004).]

Just wanted to bring this up one last time before I make a decision. (Though I am leaning towards "Close Your Eyes").

Douglas

You can have a listen to them at: www.besonic.com/douglasmurphy

Hi Douglas,

I liked #2 and #3. Depends on the mood you're shooting for. #2 is fun! #3 is sweet (but a little short). So guess you'll have the hard job of picking one! Good luck.

Thanks for the feedback Songbird. Most appreciated.

Douglas

------------------
"You can do what ever you want to do where ever you want to go.
It's up to you." John Denver

My Homepage is at:

www.besonic.com/douglasmurphy

Hey Doug,

#3 gets my vote, but I agree it may be a bit on the short side.

Larry

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www.taylormadesongs.com

Number 3 is short but it gets my vote!


Eric

Hi Brother Doug!

#2's a Dandy, tho "TEENY-Weeny Hoofs" is
preferable...& the "Tinkle" reference has gotta go...heh!

#3's real good too..here's a Suggested BRIDGE ya can Keep-or-Sweep:

'Cuz Christ was born on Christmas Day
We celebrate with Santa's Sleigh
Each Year, New Meanings Get Reborn
When You Look Back..On Christmas Morn

Good Luck with The Career,
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Doug:

My vote, for what it's worth, is for #2. And I want the video, too.

Joe

Thanks to all and to the most recent posts, Larry, Eric, Stan, and Joe.

Stan I like the bridge and mayhap I will place it on the final demo. (I am going back today at four to "tweek" some areas as I have mentioned. Will probably post them at my HomePage @ Besonic when it is done.)

I hope that some of you have gotten the opportunity to listen to them BUT if you haven't I understand. Sometimes time is a factor when we sit down to these sites and for myself most times I am online for only a moment where I look over a few songs, check my mail and then move on.)

#3, "Close Your Eyes" now has most of the votes. I am leaning towards that one as well. Short in lyrical content but lasting over three minutes when sung.

Thanks Again!

Douglas

------------------
"You can do what ever you want to do where ever you want to go.
It's up to you." John Denver

My Homepage is at:

www.besonic.com/douglasmurphy

Doug,

I definately think 3 is your best bet, but you need to add a short bridge.

dawg