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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 10,690
Top 10 Poster
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OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 10,690 |
Little Spit denise was a good girl she did everything right married her childhood sweetheart started a family that first night maria was rough around the edges at sixteen got her cherry split a shotgun wedding was ordered she called her baby little spit tom was denise's hero a hard working family man pete was a total zero a rebel without a plan denise got the news on the phone that she would forever be alone three teenage thugs gunned her husband down one minute life, the next under the ground maria didn't get a call, not even a note just a closet with no clothes he left his wife and baby behind never to return or send a dime for one life was a bitch, the other a song but on an infamous night in '86 denise and maria learned to be strong there's no choice when it comes to kids they'd try to find a way to right the wrongs make a life for baby linda and little spit two lives in a distant parallel tom lost his bride and precious girl pete had it all and chose to quit leaving his wife and his little spit for one life was a bitch, the other a song but on an infamous night in '86 denise and maria learned to be strong there's no choice when it comes to kids they'd try to find a way to right the wrongs make a life for baby linda and little spit was it by accident or was it fate last night, linda and little spit went out on a date © 2004 by ritt ® 2004 by random noise productions ------------------ http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php [This message has been edited by sweetjoyce (edited 04-06-2004).] [This message has been edited by sweetjoyce (edited 04-07-2004).]
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 614
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 614 |
Evening Ritt,
I liked the story with this, but a couple things stood out for me. When three little spits gunned Tom down, at first I thought they were all Maria's little spits. Took a couple reads to figure it was a generic term.
The line "Never to return or spend a dime" I think would sound better to say "Never to return or send a dime", IMO.I liked the ending a lot.
Just my 2 cents worth,
Mel
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 10,690
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Hi Mell yeah i agree with both of your comments, i originally had teenage thugs, think i'll go back to that. I meant to say send a dime, glad you caught that. Ending came an hour after posting and reading it a hundred times and saying damn ritt there's something missing lol, glad you liked it!!! ------------------ http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 10,690
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Hi Calvin thanks i'll try to pin jon down on CK, but he's so psyched about an interview with a label owner, all he's been doing lately is mastering our cd; but i promise i'll try. ------------------ http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 8,318
Top 20 Poster
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Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jul 2003
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I thought it was Maria's kids that did it, too. I was confused but I think I got the jest of it. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/smile.gif)
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 10,690
Top 10 Poster
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OP
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Joined: Aug 2003
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Good afternoon Tricia after paying my plumber 400 bucks i'm confused too lol; well at least i got some if back with my state tax return; federal will be better. Oh the lyric, i made Mel's changes. ------------------ http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 512
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 512 |
Very interesting read. A very minor point. I'd modify how the "Little Spit" reference is written to "L'il Spit". Just looks and sounds more cool to me.
Laziness breeds fatique - Passion breeds action
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 10,690
Top 10 Poster
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OP
Top 10 Poster
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Posts: 10,690 |
Hi Tom Thanks I wholeheartedly agree except jon is german and he would be on the phone saying what's Li'l I can't find it in the dictionary, lol ------------------ http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php
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