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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/05/24 01:49 PM
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I Was Drunk When I Wrote You This Song ©2004 Corey Parkman
Goodbye left me broken Marlboro smokin’ Pissin’ and moanin’ and wishin’ that we weren’t through So I picked up my six string Sipped on some whiskey Got kinda misty writin’ this ditty for you
But I was drunk when I wrote you this song So the verus and the chorses came out all wrong I tried to convey my love to you But Jim Beam got ahold of my muse Yeah, I was drunk when I wrote you this song
I just wanted to told you Babe, I wanna hold you Let my love enfold you as I kiss your purty face But I lost all my rhythm By the second fifth n’ Started forgettin’ what I was sayin’ in the first place
I was drunk when I wrote you this song So the verus and the chorses came out all wrong I tried to put my feelings into words But all my sweet nothin’s came out slurred Yeah, I was drunk when I wrote you this song
I got a tore up heart and a spinnin’ head so I hope you know what I meant to said
I was drunk when I wrote you this song So the vhorus and the cerses came out all wrong I tried to make you love me again But I passed out smooth by the song’s en...
(Yeah, I was drunk when I wrote you this song)
[This message has been edited by Corey (edited 03-12-2004).]
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Corey,
This is cute! It reminded me of the song sang by George Strait "The Chair" At least I think that is the title. But it's kinda along those lines also. I like the idea around it. Keep on writing!!!
'Lil
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I endeavor to change one heart and one mind, one word at a time.
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Thanks Lil. Hmmm...It may resemble 'The Chair' in the light attitude... and the fact that George Strait needs to sing them both...and frequently. Glad you dropped by!
CP
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Hi Corey lol funny one just a couple suggestions on the chorus..it didn't flow well with me. But was drunk when I wrote this song The veruses and the chorus came out all wrong Tried to convey my love to you But Jim Beam got hold of my muse Yeah, was drunk when I wrote this song also not sure about line 4...I might change the But Jim Beam..the b/b so close doesn't work well...and the line doesn't read easy IMO. anyway I just took out a few words to trim it down..take or chuck as always.. Really enjoyed the read Smile
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Hello Corey! Funny song for sure but yet so real. I can see someone saying-singing this as an excuse for over-indulgence. What could I suggest for improvement? Not much really. Here's a nit pick or two though: Could you avoid the "u" sound everywhere but in your chorus? Appears you have a lot of them. Is it me or is meter from v 1 thrown out in v2? The bridge is so wacky it may work just fine though I must ask "Is the guy still drunk?" If so, how will the fact make him look to his audience? Could a change of tense improve it? Good luck! Ron ------------------ http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/ronboyte.htm
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Thanks quality. Amusing how? I mean, amusing like I'm a clown? (sorry, I drifted off into a Goodfellas quote)
CP
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Hi Corey a drunkards delight for sure and the verbiage should stand as is, as it accentuates the mood all singers are would be actors, so i don't foresee a problem there. ------------------ http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php
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But if you're drunk when listening to the song, all the words sound right... Good writing. The meter differences between the verses may need some ironing out. Nothing about the words themselves that I see worth changing, except for purposes of fixing the meter. A tag of...."and I'm still kinda drunk" did pop into my head. Anyway, fine idea your muse delivered to ya. Randy ------------------ http://www.songramp.com/homepage.ez?Who=RandyB [This message has been edited by RandyB (edited 03-12-2004).]
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Thanks for the read and suggestions, Smile! I'll look 'em over again when I get this finalized. Have a great weekend!
CP
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Hi Corey, I think it needs a few more drunken slurs, but I'll read it again after I drink a few.I'm sure they'll be everywhere then.
Mel
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Hey Ron. I guess you could say most any drinking song is an excuse for over-indulging, 'cause they all make me wanna drink . I'll see if I can vary the rhymes a bit better. As for the question about if the singer is still drunk when he sings this... I think that adds to the absurdity, and maybe the guy could be profusely going through a few shots as he performs. CP
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Mornin' Corey,
I think this might be the best drinkin'lyric since "Hang On, Loopy".<g>
maybe somethin' about lieing on the floor an holding up a tee shirt to let the spinning room tie-dye it.
Enjoyed the read this fine morning.
dawg
Wisdom does not always accompany age. Sometimes age just shows up alone.
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Thanks SJ... yeah, I'm hearing this in my head with a nutty singer who slurs everything a little worse as the song goes on, etc. Thanks for stopping by.
CP
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Thanks Randy. I kinda meant for the metering to be a little off in the second verse, to go along with the getting drunker as it goes theme... but I'll try to smooth it up some anyway. I'm not sure the drunks will mind one way or the other . CP
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I particularly like how you left the "d" off the end. Cool song, Corey.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Thanks Mel. Hope you enjoyed it even more after a few brews . CP
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Thanks Dawg. Wasn't it 'Hang on Sloopy'? I could be wrong.
Thanks Trish. Glad you liked this silliness.
CP
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Hey Corey, Damn fine drinkin' song . . . think I'll break out a twelve pack and the old guitar and sing a few vhoruses and cerses myself. Larry ------------------ www.taylormadesongs.com
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Thanks Larry. Glad you liked my honky-tonk singalong. Hope you enjoyed the bender.
CP
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