JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 Simple Pleasures Girl co w/ MaryLou w/ audio

okay then......bowing to the views of most everyone else wa have made some adjustments in the bridge. Does this work for everyone? ...anyone?

I seem to be doing a series of songs that would be best sung by a man. But before we get to the point of getting a guy to sing a demo for us, we need some opinions.
one small word mistake (that I know of, could be more I suppose ) In the first verse line 4,
I sang
JUST give her such delight.
We think the line ought to be
CAN give her such delight

besides the fact that I'm definitely NOT the one to sing this (sorry, but I have NO girlfriends) anything else need fixing. is it worth the demo and pitch?


Simple Pleasures Girl
© 2004 Mary Lou Sudkamp and Harriet Ames

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/harrietamesmusic.htm

vs1
She likes to watch fireflies
Sparkling in the night
The crickets with their summer song
Can give her such delight
It's those little things about her I adore
The simple pleasures girl that I fell for

vs2
She likes to sit 'round the fire
'N tell a tale or two
She wishes on a shooting star
And believes it will come true
Much more than just the pretty girl next door
She's the simple pleasures girl that I fell for.

Bridge
My heart has been captured
Caught up in the rapture
Of walking in her sunshine all the time
There's no one that can match her
Her love is all I'm after
I feel like I'm living on Cloud 9

NEWER BRIDGE
My heart has been captured
I can't resist her laughter
I'm walking in her sunshine all the time
There's no one that can match her
Her love is all I'm after
I feel so lucky, knowing that she's mine

vs3
She doesn't need designer clothes
To make her look divine
A thousand diamonds can't compare
To the twinkle in her eyes
She's all I ever wanted...even more
The simple pleasures girl that I fell for.

Tag
She's all I ever wanted...even more
The simple pleasures girl that I fell for.

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Harriet
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/harrietamesmusic.htm

[This message has been edited by Harriet Ames (edited 01-21-2004).]

[This message has been edited by Harriet Ames (edited 01-26-2004).]

Hey Harriet, MaryLou,

Already gave my feeling on the lyric. I think it's a nice melody, easy to listen to. Once that singer hits puberty, he'll be fine

Bill

------------------
We too often throw around the word "great" like it was a frisbee, instead of the manhole cover it should be.

G'day Ladies. Know the feeling Harriet with all the girl songs I do.
Before you get the bloke to sing this Girls, I would see if I could shoot that cloud 9 out of existance.
I'd use a bend of your hook.
Something like this:
Bridge
My heart has been captured
Caught up in the rapture
Of walking in her sunshine all the time
There's no one that can match her
Heaven has got to be loving
That simple pleasures girl of mine.

And I didn't have the music going to wack that in there so it may not be right on the spot, but the phrase does lead into the next bit well.
And strengthens the hook without being a total match.
Graham

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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/grahamhendersonmusic.htm

Thanks Bill,
yeah, ...rapture, eh?
frankly I like it. I stand by the original critique I gave Mary Lou, that this guy is totally smitten, and excesses like rapture would be very appropriate language.

but you can stop waiting for this singer to hit puberty! Lordy, Lordy! don't send me through that again!

------------------
Harriet
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/harrietamesmusic.htm

Just read my reply Ladies, and it may not be clear that I have downloaded and had a few listens to this prior to commenting.
Just didn't have it playing when i did get back to comment.
Did base my comments on how I remembered it to go, that is why I said it may not quite fit, and was justa thought toward direction and not a suggested to fit lyric.
Graham.

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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/grahamhendersonmusic.htm

Hey Harriet/Mary Lou,

This sounds good. I do like the song. But, I'll have to stand by my original comment using the word 'rapture'.

RickW

Hi you two..Mary Lou and HH . a pretty musical treatment..
to nice lyrics..

As done in this lovely style.
I think the (questioned) words work...

If you go for more of a country sound...
then..I stand by..what i said about lyric also...(just the one line).

best wishes and good luck with this you two,
kk

In the chorus:

Much more than just the pretty face of the girl next door

Thanks Graham,
and thanks for clarifying, cuz no those lines don't really fit the music.
Cloud 9 is a cliche ..true enough....
but then so are a lot of lines. I'm open to changing it out if something really catches my eye, but I'll still have to run it past MaryLou. (but it would need to meter right AND rhyme)


Thanks Rick,
yeah........another vote (or maintained) against rapture. gnash! it sings sooo well!
you know? one of those words that feels good to say.
guess we'll still have to ponder that for a while.

------------------
Harriet
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/harrietamesmusic.htm

Bill, appreciate you stopping by to listen -- have to get Harriet to sing a key or two lower, eh? LOL I still like "rapture".

Hi, Graham (2x) -- yeah, your suggestion definitely doesn't fit the music, but I get your drift. Not sure I'm ready to part with "cloud 9", but as Harriet mentioned, we could be open to replacing it IF something spectacular comes to mind ... hmmmmmm ... nothing yet ...

Rick, Rick, Rick ... what will it take to convince you that "rapture" fits in here??!! LOL I'm still holding on to it at this point but this one isn't carved in stone as yet! Thanks for listening!

------------------
Mary Lou

Hey Mary Lou,

It looks like rapture is a chick word. It must make y'all think you're saying "I wrapped your present" . Now if it was "raptor" the guys would be jumping on it.

Bill

Howdy Harriet & Mary Lou,

I think the melody for this is lovely and fits the overall feeling of the lyric well. I am thinking that this may not be all that country..but could sure hear someone like Clay Aiken or Josh Groban doing it. Agree that rapture probably isn't exactly a testosterone laden termm but I am with the others on finding an alternative to cloud 9. There are so many good rhymes for TIME I suspect you can come up with something really spectacular for that. Maybe even "I feel like my future's been defined."

I had a line in my head earlier but lost my post when my computer froze. Alas..so did my brain. Can't recall what it was.

I think this is nearly ready for demoing..but I would keep tweaking a few of those specific words to make sure they are really your best options.

Bobbie

Thanks Kaley,
well yeah, I think we were kind of assuming this would be a bit more country than my folk guitar stylings can show.
and we are contemplating making changes in the bridge. but grudgingly.
will let you know if we decide on anything.


Thanks quality,

not a bad wording there. but too many syllables to squeeze in.


Bill, Bill, Bill!
"wrapped your"???
not all of us females are the "buy me something" types. LOL
some of us really are simple pleasures girls like the one here. I know I am. (hubby loves it. He knows I have no interest in more diamonds. hmmmmm, maybe I have more testosterone than I thought )

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Harriet
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/harrietamesmusic.htm

Guess I don't rate a response.


[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 01-25-2004).]

Hi, Kaley! Harriet and I are hashing out some ideas for the questionable lines ... will make changes if/when we come up with something we both like. Thanks for lookin' in and checking up on us!

Quality and Bill -- see Harriet's response ... pretty much my thoughts as well! Thanks for responding and letting us know what you think!

------------------
Mary Lou

Chill out a little Tall one,
You posted after I crashed friday night at 2:30am. Got up early sat morn and left town for the weekend. logged on just long enough to see your post, but not time to respond.
Last night, as is often the case, I was just plain dead, and didn't look at the boards.

Yes, I saw your post. and funny thing.....what you suggested, is exactly how MaryLou had it worded originally. However... when I tried singing it, and making the leap up on that line, it seemed a little pushed in the first verse there, so I added the note, and therefore needed a word. (in my case, I grabbed "just")(ML later suggested "can")
The note needed has a word to use in the second and third verses. I know sometimes you can fill in missing syllables by holding notes and such. In this case it just didn't seem to flow as well.
Havr you tried to sing it that way? I'd be curious if it flows smoothly or choppy for you?


Thanks Bobbie,
arghhhhhhh...even you aren'y sold on rapture?okay....we have bowed to the pressures. and put our heads together and come up with a bridge that hopefully will satisfy the masses better.


My heart has been captured
I can't resist her laughter
I'm walking in her sunshine all the time
There's no one that can match her
Her love is all I'm after
I feel so lucky knowing that she's mine

any better?

------------------
Harriet
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/harrietamesmusic.htm

Hi Harriet,

Sorry about that!

I just gave a listen and not only can
"just" be done away with, there is even a bit
of a "forced" vibe to squeeze it in.

If you play the time equivalent of down-up-down in "your" strokes, at the end of the preceeding line. . . the line is a singing natural without "just" or "can".

It's like what they say about "space between the sounds". More sway, more flow. . . especially desireable in such a romantic mode.

I would alter the other parallel lines
accordingly too
without that would-be leading word.

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Terry

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 01-26-2004).]

Thanks for that Terry,
works? does it? I'll have to give it a try when I redo this. (still a pre-pre-demo seeing as how I'm a shemale)
I'm surprised to see you say it sounded even slightly forced there. Cuz that's the way I played it on the keyboard before I ever tried singing it. But then again, that is my style to try to fill in some of the inbetween notes. my fingers can hardly keep from playing them.

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Harriet
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/harrietamesmusic.htm

Nice one, Harriett. Good luck with it.

No,no,no, Harriet. I meant that she was the GIVING one, wrapping his presents. You girls are the nice ones.

Bill

Thanks Tricia,
I think it might be almost there.


Oh.....I get it Bill.
so SHE was the giving one? sure
but don't go making blanket statements about us all being nice. Nice? Me? who said I was nice?

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Harriet
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/harrietamesmusic.htm

Appreciate the input, Bobbie! Hopefully, with the changes we've made, this is in good shape now!


------------------
Mary Lou

Appreciate the comments, TT, but will defer to Harriet on your suggestions for the music. Harriet and I will have to put our heads together to make sure we have this where we want it before taking the next step, so there may be some minor tweaks!

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Mary Lou

Harriet, had to use this mode of communication to get in contact with you because my regular email route to folks having aol addresses is not working. I haven't received any emails from you so I don't know if you have tried to send me the revised version of this. I did try to send you a message through my Yahoo email, so hopefully that one will get through to you. Let me know if you've tried to contact me -- haven't gotten anything from people using aol for about a week or so, and my messages haven't gone through either. AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

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Mary Lou
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/3/mlsudkampmusic.htm

[This message has been edited by carrgirl1115 (edited 02-08-2004).]