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Just wanted to run this past you eagle-eyed folks before I have it demoed! I'm sure you'll spot any flaws..and I will appreciate all comments. Thanks.

Nothin' Hurts Like The Truth
Copyright 2003 Ann Tygart BMI

When he calls on his cell phone, says he's workin' late
She lights her candles, tries to meditate
What else can she do to ease her troubled mind
If she looks too hard, no tellin' what she'll find

(Cho)
(And) Nothin' Hurts Like The Truth
Nothin' Hurts Like the Truth
So we keep hangin' on till all the love is gone
Cause Nothin' Hurts Like The Truth

Tonight his cell phone's ringin', he whispers something low
Says that was the office, hon I've gotta go
They're really in a bind so don't wait up for me
She knows in her heart that's not where he'll be

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)
On the surface everything is cool
Underneath nobody's fooled
In the closet all her bags are packed
Come tomorrow he'll wake up to the fact...that

(Repeat Chorus)

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Great hook and a universal idea. The main issues that popped up in my mind did so towards the end of the lyric. Since she hasn't looked deeper into the situation (according to v.1) and has no absolute proof of anything (she just knows in her heart) (so far as the listener knows)... why is she leaving? Some flash of realization that's evident to the listener needs to come before, to have that make perfect sense. Also, the third line of the chorus doesn't work at the end if she's truly leaving. Just some things to think about. Overall, this is a fetching lyric with a lot of potential for commerciality. Good luck with it!

Corey

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Howdy Ann,

I truly do like this a lot. One of the best I have seen from you IMO. Have to agree with Corey on the issue, however. Perhaps consider a switch on the last line of V1 to indicate that she does have actual proof.

When he calls on his cell phone, says he's workin' late
She lights her candles, tries to meditate
What else can she do to ease her troubled mind
THOUGH SHE HATES TO ADMIT IT, SHE CAN'T IGNORE THE SIGNS....AOR
SHE REALLY ISN'T BLIND AND SHE CAN'T IGNORE THE SIGNS

Personally, I have never figured out how packing one's bags is realistic. Heck, when I moved, it took a huge moving van. [Linked Image] Dawg about had heart failure!

Otherwise..go for the demo on this. I think it is just about ready.

Bobbie


They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you.

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Hi Corey & Bobbie,

I'm so glad I posted this...almost didn't because it's already been "approved" by an NSAI evaluator.

I'd forgotten on the last chorus I was going to say "She KEPT hangin' on till all the love WAS gone." So thanks for mentioning that. (I've done so many rewrites on this, should have numbered them!)

I'll also work in some kind of "sign" so there's proof and not just suspicion.

Many thanks to you both for pointing out the weak spots. Glad to know I'm almost there!

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hi song

corey and bobbie have given you great advice

my thoughts are that you could use a pre chorus to clear things up

perhaps something like this

i've ignored the scent of another femme/woman
but how long can i pretend

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Wow..I feel like a Janitor who arrives only t' find EVAHTHIN's already BEEN Cleaned Up! ;-)>

FINE Lyric, Birdy, GREAT Critiquin' Corey, Bobbie, Joyce!

Onliest Suggestion LEFT: Maybe say "Still" insteada "So" we keep hangin' on
in your Chorus.

"KUDOS" Ann..& My Muse jus' got me Up at 7AM t' Write One about The Movie Song Experience.. ;_)>

Big Hugs,
Stan

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{I'm basically havin' an UP Week..Fans've been Sellin', I've got 2 of the 4 Cast-Iron Arms attached to the Ybor City Streetlight I've restored & erected in the Front of the New Digs/Our Spanish Neighbors LOVE It...& I'm (Slowly) Learning Guitar, makin' (Some) Progress with The Eventual Band. BUT..after puttin' Heart-&-Soul into a Song that was Custom-Written for a Movie last week, WITH the encouragement of the Sound Editor, we got back a 1-Sentence Rejection Note "the Song is not up to speed." OK, It's THEIR Movie..heh..but in my Heart of Hearts Sue & I wrote a KILLER. (Time Will Tell.) Anyways, My Muse woke me up at 7AM to Write This NEXT Song. AND get Back to an UP Week!}

Lord, Once Again, I must Face Disappointment
Yeah, Once Again, there is Pain in My Life
It just Stumbled In, like a Fly-in-The-Ointment
Now it's Under My Skin, & It Cuts-like-a-Knife

(CHORUS)
Let Me Learn How To Lose
It's as Important as Winning
Let Me Learn How To Lose
With Dignity
I'm Dependin' on You, Lord
To Keep Me Grinning
Let Me Learn How To Lose
The Hurtin' in Me

Lord, Once Again, I Lost Something Important
Yeah, Once Again, I Crawl Backwards Inside
I was Doin' Alright, Then like a Big Bag of Portland
Disappointment Dropped IN, & Pounded My Life

(CHORUS)
Let Me Learn How To Lose
I Need that New Beginning
Let Me Learn How To Lose
With Dignity
I'm Dependin' on You, Lord
I Need Thicker Skin and
Let Me Learn How To Lose
This Hurtin' in Me

(BRIDGE)
Thanks for Some Humor, Lord
to Help Me Crawl...
You show me Disappointment's Not SO Important..After All---

(CHORUS)
So Let Me Learn How To Lose
It's a Skill That Takes Practice
Let Me Learn How To Lose
With Dignity
Let Me Learn How To Lose
Help Me Perfect My Act as
I Learn How To Lose
This Hurtin' In Me...

(TAG)
Let Me Learn How To Lose
This Hurtin' In Me.

(C) 2003 by Stan Good, BMI
All Rights Reserved.

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Mornin' Joyce,

Thanks for the pre-chorus idea...I'll keep that in mind, too, when I "fine-tune."
...........

And mornin' to you Stan,

Thanks for the "kudos" and suggestion, altho I don't think it would work here, I'll still think about it.

As for the reject...I feel your pain! At least you got it out...songwriting is so therapeutic! BTW, did you mean to post your song here? Maybe start a new topic so you'll get some feedback on it, if that's your intent. Or were you just venting? Whatever, I think you spoke to all of us!

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Songbird:

I like the story and most of the lyric. A pre-chorus adds a nice musical lift into a chorus, but I'll focus on what you have written thus far.

I write and sing. Problem is, I feel most comfortable writing and arranging country music and still sing like Robert Goulet. Yuk!
Too many years performing in musicals, I suppose.

Still, the more I tried to phrase the second line of V1 the more awkward it got and the less it seemed to "paint a picture."

When he calls on his cell phone, says he's workin' late
She lights her candles, tries to meditate
Consider this line to better illustrate why she's thinking about leaving:
She stares through candles by two empty plates
What else can she do to ease her troubled mind
If she looks too hard, no tellin' what she'll find

Now for the chorus. The way it reads now, V1 leads into the chorus well, but that's not the case when it follows the bridge. The "So we keep hangin' on till all the love is gone" doesn't work the second time around.

Maybe if you change that line to "So why keep hangin' on till all the love is gone, might be more consistant with the message in V1 and the bridge.

Now that I've put in my two cents, please help me again. I just added "Stories" on lyric Forum 1 and it needs your immedite attention.

Good Luck, Ann

P.E. Knudsen



[This message has been edited by Knute (edited 09-24-2003).]


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Hey, thanks a bunch, Knute...Good suggestions! I'll hop on over to "Stories" now.


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