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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,164 Likes: 5
Top 25 Poster
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OP
Top 25 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,164 Likes: 5 |
Don't Mourn the Fading Day
You've got a lukewarm pint and lattice porch the Texas sun burned like a welding torch but now day's waning..color's starting to die scared to leave it goes crazy in the sky and you sigh within because a day gone past feels like just more sand through fate's hourglass
but don't mourn the fading day don't mourn the fading day live ev'ry hour, with all your power but don't mourn the fading day
each step you take from your days as a child brings wisdom to make your trip worthwhile so pull a thorn from time's side and pour a toast to a gold moon rising like sunshine's ghost show some heart..soon the shadows will be gone for in midnight's shell waits the wings of dawn
and don't mourn the fading day don't mourn the fading day live ev'ry hour, with all your power but don't mourn the fading day
show some heart..soon the shadows will be gone for in midnight's shell waits the wings of dawn
and don't mourn the fading day don't mourn the fading day live ev'ry hour, with all your power but don't mourn the fading day
(c)2003 Robert George
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 87
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 87 |
Hello, Robert,
I feel a lot of energy in this lyric; it kind of reminds me of some of the things Kenny Loggins used to do. In my opinion, it has a lot of wonderful language and metaphors, e.g., "The Texas sun burned like a welding torch"; "The gold moon rising like sunshin's ghost"; "For in midnight's shell waits the wings of dawn." That's some really great stuff! I also like "Every step you take from your days as a child / Brings wisdom to make your trip worthwhile."
The repetition of the title in the first two lines of the chorus is, I think, a real effective exhortation. It makes the song sound like an anthem for life and the beauty of our place in it no matter how fleeting.
A couple of small things: Could "burned" in the second line be "burns" to keep the tense consistent? The last two lines of the first verse seem a little awkward; what about something like, "You let out a sigh for a day gone past / feels like one more sand through the hourglass"? Maybe it would throw off the meter; I don't know. Also, I would leave off the "But" at the beginning of the chorus. And finally, I don't understand the line, "So pull a thorn from time's side and pour a toast." Maybe I don't even need to understand it. At any rate, if you were to change it, I would plead with you not to lose the line that follows it ("...a gold moon rising..."). That's just too good.
Anyway, those are just my opinions. I really like what you've got going so far.
Good luck with it, Mark
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