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#311835 06/03/03 09:07 PM
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Critiques would be most appreciated


We Don’t Make That Anymore

V1
They shut ‘er down today
The suits never cared
Picked up my final pay
But I wasn’t near prepared
Now I’m standin’ in this line
With plenty on my mind
And just a little scared

Chorus
I don’t understand
Why we can’t build this land
Like we’ve always done before
There’s gonna come a time
We’ll all be standin’ in this line
‘Cause we don’t make that anymore
Here in the USA
We don’t make that anymore


V2
I’m just a workin’ man
Tryin’ to give more than I take
But in a foreign land
They’re paid a tenth of what I make
They load their ships each day
Head for the USA
Now don’t that take the cake

Chorus
I don’t understand
Why we can’t build this land
Like we’ve always done before
There’s gonna come a time
We’ll all be standin’ in this line
‘Cause we don’t make that anymore
Here in the USA
We don’t make that anymore


Bridge
A multi-national parade
Walkin' out the door
They play their game of global trade
Pittin' US against the poor

Chorus
I don’t understand
Why we can’t build this land
Like we’ve always done before
There’s gonna come a time
We’ll all be standin’ in this line
‘Cause we don’t make that anymore
Here in the USA
We don’t make that anymore


Copyright © 2003 Steven McDonald



[This message has been edited by VNORTH (edited 06-30-2003).]

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Goes along good Steven.Good point made along the way also.
Is an ever increasing problem as we do this thing called progressing.
Just think we are progressing in the worng direction myself.
It may sound a begger of a thing to say but Sept 11 and bali both served to keep a lot of people home instead of going to forien resorts because they are cheaper because of the low wages paid there etc. basically slave labour in some of them in my opinion.
I often think if it takes a crisis or tragity to make folks take a second look, then it was a crisis we had to have. They say every addict has their own personal gutter level they have to hit before they decide it is time to chtake charge again.
Global trade has been around for a long time. It is just we notice it now more because we really have to have that sterio at that price. And those air Jordans etc.
Graham


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Graham

Thanks for the read and comments. Even though global trade has been around for some time, I thinks it's only starting to take effect now. Once the multi-nationals are through with the earth wonder where they're going to go next?

Steven

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Hi Steven,

Yes a lot of people hate the idea of free trade [Linked Image]

Nice lyric but I don’t think global trade is all bad. What Graham calls slave labor in the third world is in fact the difference between eating and starving to death for many people.

Change is always hard to except but more people living a longer and better life today than has ever been in the history of the world.

Lots of things to make and lots of jobs to do that don’t depend on heavy manufacturing and the third world people need those jobs a lot more than the US does, as for as wages are concerned they will go the way of Japan in time.

I like the lyric but don’t completely agree with the message.

Good Luck
Bill


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Bill

Thanks for the read and comments. This is one of those subjects where you're going to get a lot of folks strongly on one side of the fence or the other. Won't be too many fence sitters. I guess my beef is with the multi-nationals whom I think will eventually control so much of our lives because of the power they will wield and it is only their bottom line that conerns them. If the media did not expose what they do in other countries IMHO not much would stop them in exploiting anyone.

There, that's my rant for the year. If anyone else wishes to comment, feel free to do so.

Steven

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Re did the chorus

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Hi Steven,

Now do you feel that in Vancouver?? Actually what's happening here is that our dollar is once again gaining ground, making our goods more expensive abroad, and resulting in layoffs due to declining sales.

But good working man's lyric. You might revisit the bridge though. IMO it needs another direction I think...away from "explanation" to how it affected this person personally.

Ciao


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Re edit of the bridge
Getting closer

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Thanks for the thoughtful response.

"Wherever I am welcome is where I will be."
Dylan

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 06-09-2003).]

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Steve,

Real good pal. I like the chorus much. And I like the "Line" line too.

Cheers,

Stan

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Hello VNORTH,

Good American song there! I'm probably as guilty as the next when it comes to buying discount priced products.

Hard to stretch the ole dollar without buying foreign made stuff anymore.

Back to the song...

I heard some other lines for verse one, thought I'd share them with ya, since you gave me such a quality critque on my last song. (Much Appreciated too!)

V1
They shut 'er down today
The suits PACKED THEIR PAPERS AND LEFT
Picked up my final pay
FEEL LIKE THERE'S BEEN A MAJOR THEFT
Now, I'm standin' in this line
With plenty on my mind
LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I GUESS

I just figured the suits DID care, they just cared about the $$$ more than the people!

Now, how does that nursery rhyme go?

A tiskit, a NAFTA, ...there's nothin' in my basket!

Thanks to the "One World Horder!!!"

Best regards,

Stan


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Hi Steven
Just to say, good strong lyric... definitely one of those topics to stir emotion...one way or another... thats a good thing. Ihave no nits to offer
Nice job
Joanne

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Yeah that bridge is better IMO, but on the re read I got to thinking.

What makes Bruce Springsteen's songs about joblessness so good is that they are stories of life..about what cannot be done anymore, hopes etc. This is a very linear explanation of events.

What if you keep some of the event\cause stuff, but concentrate on him and his family...what it had DONE to them, and how they FEEL about it.

Not trying to slam what you have, just opening up another treatment.

Ciao


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Steven,
From the title, I was hoping this would be a relationship song...."Love? We don't make that anymore.", but you have done a good job with your premise.
People are bound to come down on both sides of this issue. There IS slave labor supporting a lot of industries. Most chocolate in America is the result of child slavery on the Ivory Coast. A lot of big corporations are more interested in a dollar than the person who earned it for them. There are people who think people are expendable. You can't argue with them because that's the way they see the world. Personally, I'm for people over profits, but unfortunately that appears to be a minority view.
Check out "Homestead Steel" on The Tom Russell Band's "Road To Bayamon" album (Philo) for another great song in this vein.
Kurt

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John
Thanks for the read and comments. Made a couple of changes to the bridge.

Steven

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Steve

I like this alright but it's just missing a little something in the way of a relatable example....I know you don't have much room to do that but I'd say right in the first verse.....JMHO

Hey, no country has suffered more than we have because of NAFTA

Regards

E.T.


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Tall Terry


???

Steven

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Hi Stephen,

I saw that you were around and about and even
responded to others on this post; I assumed you were dissin' me and so I deleted.

Anyway, I saved it and here it was:
__________________________
Hi Stephen,

In case you weren’t aware. . .

I can't think of a very famous artist’s preceeding lines but here's what follows:
. . . . .
"I say, why'd ya say that for
When nothin' you got is U.S. made
They don't make nothin' here no more."

Name that tune? [Linked Image]
____________________

With plenty on my mind. . . and I'm
Just a little bit scared

Then they load their ships each day
Head (off to) the USA

Bridge
A multi-national parade
Walkin' out the door
Thanks to the game of global trade
I ain't workin' anymore

All in the name of global trade
Nothin's made here no more

I'm not makin' enough anymore

I ain't got it made no more

OUT- CHORUS ending or Chorus ending, period?

We’ll all be standin’ in line one day
Cause we're not makin' enough (anymore?)
Here in the USA
We're not "makin' it" anymore.

We're barely "makin' it" anymore.
We're hardly "makin' it" anymore.

I know THAT would mean a title change.

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Terry

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 06-11-2003).]

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Terry

I apologize for making you think I was ignoring you. I wa just taking them in order and now that you have reposted I remember your comments which I thought were very good and would like to use a couple of lines. They had disappeared and I wasn't sure where they went. Your comments are very much appreciated because you obviously spend time reading the post and effectively critique them.

Thank you

Steven

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In answer to Tall Terry...
"People say that there is no work"
"Union Sundown" Bob Dylan Infidels (Columbia) 1983


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[This message has been edited by Kurt Fortmeyer (edited 06-11-2003).]

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Hey Kurt,

If you had the good taste to know THAT,
then I'd better take a closer look at your lyrics [Linked Image]

I knew what song it was (I have that LP; my player is down) but brain damage short-circuited
that line.

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Stan
Thanks for the read and comments

Steven

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Joanne

Thanks for the read and comments.

Steven

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Hey, Steven,

I saw this lyric when you originally posted it but couldn't respond due to the emotional nature of the subject. I was, for a while, something of a crusader against the global corporate hegemony until I realized that they can only be stopped if consumers can/will look beyond the low prices brought to them courtesy of the bent backs of the third world workers who produce them. I'm not optimistic.

In any case, I think your song is right on--politically and lyrically. I also think it's true that a piece that contains such direct commentary on such a topical issue may or may not find a niche; but I do think that the song has a definite pedagogical purpose, viz., to expose a very real insidious process occurring in the world today. I also think that what John said about Springsteen's joblessness songs is true in general, i.e., when joblessness (or any social/political issue for that matter) is framed within the dramatic context of a specific individual's life, the listener CAN relate to it better and therefore feel more strongly about the particular individual being sung about. HOWEVER, that doesn't go very far in edifying the listener as to the economic conditions that have caused the song's protagonist's problems; I mean, I can deeply sympathize with a Springsteen character and admire the fictional skill with which Springsteen elicits my response, but that won't necessarily help me to understand how the character got to the point of joblessness. I think your song goes a long way in trying to at least give an unknowing listener a basic sketch of the problem.

In short, I think a writer has to consider the intent of his work early on, and I THINK your intent is to open eyes and change minds. To that end--whether or not the song would make the billboard charts--I think you've done a splendid job.

That being said, I do rather agree with John about the bridge--making it more about the narrator; the rest of the song already lays out the problem well. It seems a good idea to let the bridge link the wider problem as you've stated with the very real circumstances of the narrator's life. Maybe suggest how the problem has affected his wife and kids, or some such.

At any rate, I think it's a piece of well-written social activism in the same vein as Pete Seeger or Woody Guthrie. And can't you just hear Hank Williams, Jr. singing it.

Good luck with it,
Mark

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Kurt

Thanks for the read and your comments. This is definitly a topic that has no fence sitters. As I said earlier, even though global trade has been around for a few years, it's only tghe beginning. I will check out Homestead Steel

Thanks
Steven

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Terry

Thanks for the read and critique. I'm still not happy with the bridge and may need to take it somewhere else. Your ....and I'm suggestion in v1 is something I had in and may put it back in.


Thanks Steven

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Steven
I like the feel of this song. The only nit is the bridge which IMO needs to be either strengthened or changed.


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Hi V North,
Yes,things are strange.What else can I say.
You put your point of view ,real well.

God Bless
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Hey,

Read the lyric and must say it flows rather nicely. You did a really good job on this one. Well, I am witnessing the "slave labor" concept first hand by being in the middle east. It is a matter of eating or starving to death, but it's more than that. In some countries, like the middle east, third country nationals travel to more prosperous countries to work because they can't make enough money in their own countries to support their families. So, these people goto more prosperous countries to work and make more than they would otherwise. However, the drawback is this:

When they get to some of these more prosperous countries in search of work, they end up working for bosses who take their passports and force them to work for them for a certain amount of time, anywhere between 5 to 10 years on literally cents an hour. Some of the Third Country Nationals make like $15 a week and they send 99% of that back home to their families. Yes, it is more than what they would have gotten otherwise in their own countries, but they are still little more than slaves.
In some of these countries, our own american corporations are responsible for this slave labor where other countries have their own companies who do this. Kuwait for instance, in order to allow us to remain in their country as an Armed Force had to accept an agreement to allow TCN's to work on our base. The different labor companies who contract to us employ these "slaves" and these are the very TCN's who we have to watch because of potential terrorism.
The reason we have to watch them is not that they personally might be dangerous, although they could be, but that terrorist organizations might tempt them with a large amount of cash to have them gather intel for them each time they come on to our base.
If these people were payed more by the companies who employ them, they might be less susceptible to temptation.
Again, good job on the lyric.

Greg

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Mark

Thank you for your well thought out and enunciated response to my lyric. I am very pleased that you saw my intent to talk about the bigger picture and what is at the root cause of what is becoming a problem of massive proportion. I'm not sure that we fully undestand or realize the power that multi-nations have and intend to use in the name of profit. It worries me that these giant globals can sue countries that don't agree with their way of doing things ...and win!!! There's an old expression that goes something like "if my friends out of work, that's a recession...when I'm out of work, that's a depression". I think if things continue on as they are going now it won't be long before.....

I am going to do some major work on the chorus.


Thanks

Steven

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Mardy

Thanks for the comments. I agree on the bridge.


Steven

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I'm trying something different in the bridge which used to be


A multi-national parade
Walkin' out the door
Done in the name of global trade
Now I don't work here anymore


Thanks to everyone for help in this.

Steven

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Seeing that you're looking at alternatives

Maybe a little more personalization...something like

Me and becky's pregnant
Suits didn't know or care
Not even for a second
Man I wasn't near prepared
Now I’m standin’ in this line
With plenty on my mind
And more' n little scared

also, you have to be careful about becoming preachy....the reader\listener needs to come to your conclusion because they sympathise\empathise, not because you TELL them to...


so maybe chorus starts

man oh man


and in v2
shiploads each and every day
heading for the usa
they took my job away


then use that cake line in the bridge maybe like


now don't that take the cake
pittin me against the poor
in the name of global trade
we don't make that anymore


just some musings to keep or sweep


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

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Clairjeanne

Thanks for the read and comments. Things are going to get stranger.

Steven

[This message has been edited by VNORTH (edited 06-23-2003).]

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you got alot of great advice... which I apologize that I didn't take the time to read it all. I love your first verse, you have a good grasp on imagery and "real" life lyrics .... the common man and all but you didn't Insult him by making it too simple.. when you included the stuff about GLOBAL trade.. which many factory workers understand alot more about than the rest of us.

I really like it!
My only suggestion would be... (and this is a biggie)..

since your hook/title is WE DON'T MAKE "THAT" anymore
you never did say what "that" was. and I really think you should.

I KNOW what you mean... instictively... but it's not in the song anywhere. Just a thought you might want to consider, even if you just put it as a punch line in the bridge or something.

Kay-lynn

[This message has been edited by redwriter1 (edited 06-23-2003).]


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The "that" that was mentioned... it is implied that it means "this and that", no? Your lyric is very well done! I've written a song or two similar theme.

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My sig: Good luck, songwriter! (OPINIONS: Producer regarding The Beatles... "Guitar music is out of style; I'll pass." George Jones: "Yeah, I've recorded a tune called 'He Stopped Loving Her Today' but it's too sad; it won't go anywhere.) And you want MY opinion?

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Greg

Thanks for the read. I'm glad that I was able to convey the message to someone such as you who has first hand knowledge and experience with the problem. You also bring another dimension to the issue with your comments about intel gathering etc. In another way it makes my point "money talks"

Thanks Greg and stay safe

Steven

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John

Thanks for the read and the solid critique. I like your ideas and will play with them a wee bit to see if it flows etc

Steven

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I've always been a sucker for social lyrics, and these are pretty good ones. I agree that you might give a little more work to the bridge, but overall I think it's quite good. I like the tone of quiet melancholy you infused in the song. Given the concept it would have been easy to get into the whole 'railing at the world's injustices' bit, but you didn't.


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Hi Steven, I'm quite late to the party. Wanted to see what all the commotion was about. Figured another big controversy. Glad to see everyone expressed their views peacably. You've have lots of advice and made a lot of changes. I gather you're still not quite happy with the bridge? Looks ok to me . the only thing I might suggest and don't know if that fits with your thoughts is, second line bridge could maybe be --
"Jobs walking out the door" Or
"Of jobs walking out the door?
Lookin' good
Wy

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Kay -lynn

Thanks for the read and comments. I deliberately did not identify what "that" was because it means so many things and increasing every day. One day we'll all probably be saying we don't make that, and that and that and that etc. I'm not sure but I read once where TV sets are not produced in the US anymore... hmmmm

Steven

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Duke

That means all the things no longer made in the US/jobs lost through global trade

Steven

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Man, this is one of the strongest lyrics I've read in my (very) short time on these boards.

This is so full of plain but smart lines, and I love the US(U.S.) against the poor line. V good.

strong writing, more power to ya'

Take care.

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Bartel

Thanks for the comments. I think I've got the bridge to a hapy place now thanks to the input of so many here

Steven

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Wyman

Thanks for the read and suggestion. It might work that way on the bridge...need to massage it a little

Enuf

Thanks for the kind words. Most appreciated


Steven

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HI Brother Steven!

I dunno what to say...partly 'cuz I like your Song, HATE to see the Malaise in Detroit (For Instance), yet realize it IS a "Global Economy" nowadays, and it continues to be EACH Country's challenge to Educate Workers (& Encourage Product Development) so they REMAIN Competitive in the World Market.

The US has Grants & Scholarships GALORE, and Educational Loans pretty freely-available. You wanna Change Jobs..you CAN get the Training in MANY a WAY. (Heck, you can join the Military and they'll PAY for your education after your Hitch is completed.) Nowadays, you can EXPECT to Change Career Fields SEVERAL times durin' your lifetime...it's the Norm.

There's PLENTY of Money IN this Nation..(PARTLY 'Cuz OUR Nation's allus Enticed Many a FOREIGNER to INVEST in Our Country..{Check out all the Convenience Stores!}...

Yep, we've lost MOST of our Family-Farmers..our More-Ignorant Assembly Line Workers..& we're fast-losin' our Shade-Tree Mechanics ('Cuz Big Automakers have intentionally made the Repair Details EXPENSIVE for all but THEIR Staff to Obtain)..but there are Plenty of NEW Openings for Nurses & Medical Help Personnel..for Computer Repairmen/Programmers...& Law Enforcement (As the more-Successful Cities continue to Grow/International Terrorism gets more widespread.)

I'm in the Clock Biz.. Hermle, headquartered in Schwenningen, Germany, NOW has a Plant in Amherst, VA that Makes "German" Grandfather Movements for the US Market. Toyota and VW have US Assembly Plants for our Market Segmant. WHY? Because OUR Assembly Line Workers are often Better-Educated than most OTHER Countries & at DIFFICULT Assembly, our Countrypeople DO "Deliver!"

I don't claim to have All The Answers, or even understand All The Problems, but CHANGE is Inevitable. 20 years ago, there Wasn't MUCH of a Cel-Phone OR Personal Computer Industry, was there?
NOW look at All The Jobs just these 2 Fields have Generated.

There are MORE..for Sure!

Good Song. Makes ya QUESTION!
"KUDOS" For That, AMigo!

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

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Bump


Brian Austin Whitney
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There are so many post on this topic that I am not sure if anyone has mentioned this but I am afraid that you have been beat to the punch on this song.

Texan singer-songwriter James McMurtry, son of the man who wrote "Lonesome Dove", wrote and recorded a song called "Can't make it here anymore" It is brilliant and he is giving it away on his web site- the download is free.

http://www.compadrerecords.com/downloadpages/wecant.html

CAN'T MAKE IT HERE ANYMORE

Vietnam Vet with a cardboard sign
Sitting there by the left turn line
Flag on the wheelchair flapping in the breeze
One leg missing, both hands free
No one's paying much mind to him
The V.A. budget's stretched so thin
And there's more comin' home from the Mideast war
We can't make it here anymore

That big ol' building was the textile mill
It fed our kids and it paid our bills
But they turned us out and they closed the doors
We can't make it here anymore
See all those pallets piled up on the loading dock
They're just gonna set there till they rot
'Cause there's nothing to ship, nothing to pack
Just busted concrete and rusted tracks
Empty storefronts around the square
There's a needle in the gutter and glass everywhere
You don't come down here 'less you're looking to score
We can't make it here anymore

The bar's still open but man it's slow
The tip jar's light and the register's low
The bartender don't have much to say
The regular crowd gets thinner each day
Some have maxed out all their credit cards
Some are workin? two jobs and livin? in cars
Minimum wage won't pay for a roof, won't pay for a drink
If you gotta have proof just try it yourself Mr. CEO
See how far 5.15 an hour will go
Take a part time job at one of your stores
Bet you can't make it here anymore

High school girl with a bourgeois dream
Just like the pictures in the magazine
She found on the floor of the laundromat
A woman with kids can forget all that
If she comes up pregnant what'll she do
Forget the career, forget about school
Can she live on faith? live on hope?
High on Jesus or hooked on dope
When it's way too late to just say no
You can't make it here anymore

Now I'm stocking shirts in the Wal-Mart store
Just like the ones we made before
'Cept this one came from Singapore
I guess we can't make it here anymore
Should I hate a people for the shade of their skin
Or the shape of their eyes or the shape I'm in
Should I hate 'em for having our jobs today
No I hate the men sent the jobs away
I can see them all now, they haunt my dreams
All lily white and squeaky clean
They've never known want, they'll never know need
Their [naughty word removed] don't stink and their kids won't bleed
Their kids won't bleed in the damn little war
And we can't make it here anymore

Will work for food
Will die for oil
Will kill for power and to us the spoils
The billionaires get to pay less tax
The working poor get to fall through the cracks
Let 'em eat jellybeans let 'em eat cake
Let 'em eat [naughty word removed], whatever it takes
They can join the Air Force, or join the Corps
If they can't make it here anymore

And that's how it is
That's what we got
If the president wants to admit it or not
You can read it in the paper
Read it on the wall
Hear it on the wind If you're listening at all
Get out of that limo
Look us in the eye
Call us on the cell phone
Tell us all why
In Dayton, Ohio
Or Portland, Maine
Or a cotton gin out on the great high plains
That's done closed down along with the school
And the hospital and the swimming pool
Dust devils dance in the noonday heat
There's rats in the alley
And trash in the street
Gang graffiti on a boxcar door
We can't make it here anymore

Music and lyrics © 2004 by James McMurtry




[This message has been edited by nashvillecat (edited 05-12-2005).]


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Hey Steven,

How the heck are you? Give me a call sometime! Been trying to find you!

Seems to me you've posted this gem before. Is this a revision? You always write good stuff.

Stan

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