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Joined: Jan 2003
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Angel With a Heart of Stone [V1] She put me in my place when I looked in her eyes A place that will forever be my destiny I knew when I first saw her that she was an angel And wanted to be with her through eternity [Chorus] Angel with a heart of stone Angel beautiful beyond belief Angel for whom I have fallen Now only God can rescue me [V2] She came into my life with soft velvet lies Shading my reason from the light I should've known she wasn't from above 'Cause there was something that didn't feel right [Chorus] Angel with a heart of stone Angel beautiful beyond belief Angel for whom I have fallen Now only God can rescue me [V3] She put me in this prison sure as hell A place where only the pardoned go free 'Cause I lost it when I caught her with my friend ...Then I watched as they slipped into eternity [Chorus] Angel beneath a cold tombstone Angel who brought so much grief Angel for whom I have fallen Now only God can rescue me [Fade} …Now only God can rescue me Copyright 2003 Stan Simons ASCAP Columbia's Song: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/LoveUnites.htm [This message has been edited by LyricMosaics (edited 05-02-2003).]
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Joined: Oct 2002
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Stan,
Interesting imagery for a love gone wrong song. Major nit is the use of "velvet lies" in the first line of your 2nd and 3rd verses. Any way to alter one of those lines?
Story line seems to be--he falls for her, she uses him and cheats on him, and she ends up dead--by whose hand, I'm not sure. Not entirely satisfying because the causes of events and motivations of actors is unclear. I think you've got some good stuff here, but that it needs some more polishing.
The first line of your chorus merits an entire lyric itself, "Angel with a heart of stone".
Keep writing.
Skip
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Hi Skip,
That's for the advice! Think I'll take it. ;-)
Stan
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Joined: Feb 2001
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Stan, Overall i think this is pretty good for a first post of this; my major nit with this is you use an "E" rhyme for every rhyme in the entire song; i honestly think that would be a bit monontonous after 3+ minutes. Destiny, eternity, belief, me, stealthily (quietly might work better?), mercury, free, eternity. i think some different sounding rhymes would make it more interesting to listen to...JMHO of course. V2 doesn't really move the story along but really just reiterates some of V1; maybe if you had 6 line verses you could get more story in there? I like the hook as Skip noted; i liked "soft velvet lies"
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Hi Blakeh,
ApprEciate the nits! ;-)
StrangelEEE, I hadn't Even noticed all the E's. It is interesting though, and Ill have to give them some thought along with your other wise words.
As always, ...THANKS!
Stan
(EDIT to reply) Made a new 2nd verse and changed the pronouns. ...I think you really helped improve this one!
:-)
[This message has been edited by LyricMosaics (edited 05-01-2003).]
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Just trying to help so glad it did in some way; other times you'll want to ignore me completely. I DO think it looks better.
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Joined: Apr 2002
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OOH! I like this one Stan! Sensually sad A few minor nits.... V-1: And wanted to be with her THROUGH eternity V-2: "soon shading"... Seems like it'd be a tongue twister to sing Maybe just: Shading my reason from THE light My take on the last chorus is that her & the friend are both dead because you say THEY slipped into eternity. Also think the singer killed them with the reference to prison. In any event...enjoyed the read this morning Take care, Amelia ------------------ http://www.soundclick.com/bands/1/ameliarosemusic.htm
Change the world...one act of random kindness at a time.
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Hello AmeliaRose,
Man, I love your name. It sounds so pretty and southern!
Thanks for the advice, as you can see, it took awhile to consider it. I did decide you were right.
Yes, the nasty, sneaky, little cheaters did get theirs at the end! Ha, ha!!! Don't hear that in songs much anymore. (Maybe my age is showing!)
Thanks,
Stan
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