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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/05/24 01:49 PM
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Things I Left Behind is now the new title. The final version is listed below the last post in this thread. I have left the original draft immediately below for comparison. Jeannette
SOMETHING LEFT BEHIND
©2003 Jeannette Desnoyers
Thanks to Bill "lost" for a sense of direction and change in hook on this one. Critques welcome.
V1.
You planted deep in my soul
A whisper of yesterday
That brings me to my knees
On a wave of truth today
It’s clear what I need to say
V2.
Instead of your lovin’ arms
I’m wrapped up in a view
That travels back in time
When my heart walked out on you
There was something left behind
Chorus
Something left behind
That preys upon my mind
The times we laughed
The times we cried
When we fought
And then we tried
The times we loved
The times we strayed
When we hurt
And then we played
The heart wrapped ‘round my ring
These things won’t fade with time
Only you can help me find
Something left behind
v3
I’m calling to ask you please
Search for us one more time
Take a look around our life
For all the proof you can find
There was something left behind
Bridge
The love we hold back
Is the only pain
That follows us thru life
If we face the worst
And forget to blink
We get a glimpse of what’s right
Repeat Chorus
Last edited by Jeannette Desnoyers; 07/04/07 01:58 PM.
"Live as though you were going to die tomorrow; learn as though you will live forever." Ghandi
Jeannette
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Jeannette,
There's a lot to like about this one. The short lines in the chorus work well in my estimation. Be sure to check out the end line rhyme scheme in your verses to be sure you rhyme each verse the same way you did the first one.
Keep writing.
Skip
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Any idea what happened to Jeanette?
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney "It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney "Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Still searching for Jeanette?
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney "It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney "Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 8,318
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I don't know, but she needs to come back and take a bow. This is fantastic.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Joined: Apr 2001
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It's been a long time she was around.. I often wonder what causes folks to simply disappear after more than 1000 posts. I hope she's okay.
Brian
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney "It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney "Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
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Last edited by Wyman Lloyd; 06/25/07 11:38 PM.
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Whoops, got that other one in the wrong place.
S'cuse please. I moved it
Wy
Last edited by Wyman Lloyd; 06/25/07 11:32 PM.
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Bridge
The love we hold back
Is the only pain
That follows us thru life
If we face the worst
And forget to blink
We get a glimpse of what’s right So few writers can actually say it so eloquently in so few words.....
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Hi, Y'all, I'm Back. And this has been greatly changed and is now demoed with music no less. made it to the final round in the International song contest a while back as well. Will post the final version shortly.
Jeannette, Lyrical Miss
"Live as though you were going to die tomorrow; learn as though you will live forever." Ghandi
Jeannette
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© 2005 THINGS I LEFT BEHIND SOCAN, SAC #6952
Jeannette Desnoyers, Lyrics/Gerard Thom, music
V1
I jammed all I claimed as mine
In next to my old guitar
Cause my heart convinced my mind
That lovin you was too hard
I thought I’d taken All I’d need
When I gathered up my pride
But I looked back and I realized
There were things I left behind
CHORUS
The times we laughed, The times we cried
When we fought, And when we tried
The times we loved, The times we prayed
When we hurt, And when we played
All the reasons why I stayed
Are the Things I Left Behind
V2
I drove past our favorite times
Led by love that lost it’s mind
And tried to see a way to stop
This rushing towards goodbye
I reached back for what might have been
And I caught in my mind’s eye
A picture of me saying hello
To the things I left Behind
CHORUS
The times we laughed, The times we cried
When we fought, And when we tried
The times we loved, The times we prayed
When we hurt, And when we played
All the reasons why I stayed
Are the Things I Left Behind
BRIDGE
Somehow my heart returned to you
Seems life’s not a place in our dreams
But it’s tied up in what used to be
And, What’s better than it seemed
REPEAT CHORUS
Repeat: All the reasons why I stayed
Are the Things I left behind
Last edited by Jeannette Desnoyers; 07/04/07 01:59 AM.
"Live as though you were going to die tomorrow; learn as though you will live forever." Ghandi
Jeannette
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Nice to have you back Jeanette!
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney "It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney "Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Jeanette, the more I read it the more I see how the lyric works, but I don't get an immediate sense of the character singing. I like how you hit the title each time. You need a very good musical treatment to get the listener to 'get' the lyric, since it demands more than casual listening. The lines are vague, conceptual. Other than the 'guitar' and 'drove' references there's no visual setting of the stage. And save for one direct addressing of 'you' it's all in the singer's mind.
This rushing towards goodbye (Good line)
A picture of me saying hello ('hello'? or 'goodbye'?)
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Jeanette,
I got chills. The last two lines of the chorus really did it for me. Loved the re-write. Amazing transformation. Where can we hear the music to it?
Heidi
"And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." Paul McCartney
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