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Joined: Jul 2001
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This is damn wet ink, so be careful... I imagine this sounding a little bit like Elvis Costello's "I Want You"... if you don't know that song, find it and embrace it, it's hauntingly beautiful. That's the music I'd wish for this one.. Thanks in advance. IF Cindy Miller © 2003 VERSE If I allowed myself to cry Would you think I’m being weak If I asked for your shoulder Would you turn the other cheek If I told you I can’t find myself Without you for a guide Would you abandon me If I broke down and cried VERS If I asked for understanding Would you believe in me If I told you how I’m hurting Would you erase my memory If I shared my shadowed past By revealing hidden scars Would you accept me as I am If I let you in my heart BRIDGE If I could just stop doubting And accept that you’re for real I’d have the love I’d given up And allow myself to feel VERSE If I told you fear consumes me Would you mock my anxiety If I wake from a nightmare Would you hold me tenderly If I asked your forgiveness Would my words be enough If I spent each moment promising I’ll stop hiding from your love BRIDGE If I could just stop doubting And accept that you’re for real I’d have the love I’d given up And allow myself to feel [This message has been edited by TINK (edited 04-25-2003).]
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Joined: Dec 2000
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Wow Cindy, that was incredible. I'm very jealous! this has to get some music. I have two little tiny suggestions. If I allowed myself to cry Would you think I WAS being weak VERSE If I asked for understanding Would you STILL believe in me Great Job!! Take Care Ria ------------------ Ria's Song Lyrics
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Hi Ria!! I like the "still" change and think I'll grab it up! Thank you. And thank you for saying such nice things!!!
Love ya, Cindy
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Nice one Tink! I don't know the song your talking about but this reads good to me. If it were me I would have maybe made a different rhyme scheme for the bridges. Wet ink fits you well Pam
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Joined: Apr 2002
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Well I can relate Well done Tink. I think the way you've written this, it could be a song to a lover, or even to God, depending on the listener. Loved this. Very beautiful Take care, Amelia ------------------ http://www.soundclick.com/bands/1/ameliarosemusic.htm
Change the world...one act of random kindness at a time.
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Joined: Feb 2001
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This would lend itself well to a great melody... I can almost hear it. This is strong... sometimes it's hard to hold my interest without a little 'furniture' but this one kept me reading. A couple of spots, like 'erase my memory' and 'stop hiding from your love' I feel could be stronger, but I don't have any suggestions at the moment. Anyway, nice writing. This'll have some folks crying in their latte.
Corey
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Joined: Jul 2010
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Powerful-ly Written GOOD Stuff here, {{{Tinky!}}}
DEEP..Yet Simply-Put. You Da Master!!!
"KUDOS" Iowunnerful Lady!
Big Weekend Hugs, Stan
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Aaah, Tink,
somehow you have found the words to tell the poignant and sad story of my life; my shyness and shell, my pain and embarrassment...well, hell. It was worth a shot.
Really nice job, darlin'. For the last word in your last chorus, I wanted to change feel to heal....but I been wrong a lot. Kudos!
dawg
Wisdom does not always accompany age. Sometimes age just shows up alone.
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Joined: Oct 2002
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Tink,
I like the vulnerability of this peice. It speaks the language of life and relationship. Hope it finds music to match.
Keep writing.
Skip
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Joined: May 2001
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Hi Tink It's just a beautiful lyric, that really hits the soft spot.....only thing that fuddled me a little was the two lines If I asked for your shoulder Would you turn the other cheek
wondered a bit if those two lines go well together....but it's probably my perception of those phrases...nobody else had a problem with it.
love to hear it to music.. Allen
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Hi Guys, I guess this is what happens on a sunny weekend in Iowa... I disappear for a day and leave a lyric unattended. Sorry. Hi Pam, You're right, the composer would have to be very creative in order to work that bridge. I never really noticed it, and mostly because it just came out that way. I may change it around a bit, perhaps. I wasn't really sure about this one, didn't know if it would fly. I really appreciate your kind comments regarding this one. Thank you and I"m sorry I won't be seeing you at Pineyfest this year. It's gonna be difficult not being there. Amelia-girl!! Although when I wrote it, I was "speaking" to a Friend, it could definitely work for the other situations you mentioned. Hopefully that will bode well for this lyric. Thanks so much and I had a feeling you'd relate. All I can ask for Corey, is that it will have folks crying in their latte.LOL! Must not be the regular bar-crowd fare, eh??? But, thank you, thank you. I do know you like lyrics with a few more tangibles, so it's extra special to me that you seemed to like it. Soooo glad it held your attention, too. Have you ever heard that Costello song I mentioned. It's tres cool, just like he is. Mornin {{{STAN}}} Yer so damn sweet, ya know that? You are a bundle of encouragement for this small town girl and I really appreciate it. Glad you found this "powerful", thank you!! {{{BIG HUGZ}}} I'll be back, Tink
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Joined: Feb 2002
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Very nice, Tink! I did have the same feeling as Allen about the lines "if I asked for your shoulder, would you turn the other cheek". Doesn't quite make sense to me, but I've been trying to come up with a fix -- something that keeps in your rhyme scheme -- but am coming up empty at the moment. Pam has a point about the rhyme scheme for your bridge -- I think if you make it different, you will add more power to this'n! If I come up with anything, I'll get back to you, but I do really like what you have going here! ------------------ Mary Lou
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Joined: Aug 2002
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Beautiful, Tink, my only suggestion is not to use the same hook in the bridge, instead of If I can stop this doubting,,,, "When I can stop this doubting" to me, makes the bridge stronger and gives more punch, just IMHO Jeannette
"Live as though you were going to die tomorrow; learn as though you will live forever." Ghandi
Jeannette
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TINK, heythere! What caught my eye was the title, because David Gates and Bread had a HUGE mellow-rock hit with the same title: "if a picture paints a thousand words then why can't I paint you?...". Best to you! EdB ------------------ www.mp3.com/40LOVE www.soundclick.com/EdX
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Tink...this is really beautiful.... and i stared at it awhile the other day...and then..printed it off..and took it to the piano.....and "tinkered"..... then went back and read the comments...and saw Elvis Costello..., put him...in the search engine.....and said..uh..hmmm...(.well...... ....not exactly.close, Kaley ....but..anyways, your lyrics are very lovely and deserving of the style of music you were goin for and I thank you for posting this....as seeing it.. pushed me out of my comfort zone..with regard to tryin to write to other folk's lyrics....as I've only tried to write to someone elses lyric one other time.. P.S. Tink, If ya wanna hear it,holler....i just...figured it was so different from what u were goin for.....that I wouldn't offer... to try... hope you could follow all that. kk [This message has been edited by Kaley Willow (edited 04-29-2003).]
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Hi Dawg.... SHY my ass!!! When I typed the word "shy" in on my word doc, I checked the antonyms... lo and behold it said, "DAWG!" So, shy you ain't! And actually, since I've read your reply, I tend to sing "heal" in that last chorus mahself... I think you're right, about a lot of things. Thanks kindly, my Friend! Evening Skip and thank you so much for your kind words regarding this lyric. I'm hoping for music too. Thanks again!! Hi Allen, I'm so glad you said "hits the soft spot", that's exactly what I'm going for with this. Something "underproduced and uncluttered" is what I hope for if it reaches the music arena. Thank you for your ever present encouragement and support... and ya didn't like the "shoulder/cheek" thing, huh? Not sure I do either. Evenin Mary Lou, and thank you for stopping in and reading this lyric. I've been so busy the past several days I feel as though I've really neglected this post and the board in general. I've barely had a chance to stop in each day. I really appreciate your kind words and I shall also be pondering the lines you and Allen mentioned. Thank you. Good suggestion Jeannette, regarding the bridge and I like your fix for it also. Thanks so much for the help!! Hey Ed... of course I know that song, it's HUGE! But, mine is quite different in comparison so I don't think anyone would really get hung up on that... here's hoping anyway! Thanks for stopping in. Kaley-girl... WOW! Your response made me smile the biggest of all! Thank you so much and I'd love to hear the sound you hear for this. You've really become quite good on the ivories in such a short time. I'm so pleased by your response... Thank you!! And yes, please send me what you hear. Thanks evahbuddy! Tink
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