JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 That Lady went Out to Play

That Lady Went Out to Play
©Kevin C. Moore 2003

Coffee black,,, whiskey straight
No ham or eggs, on my plate
Just a couple bites, of leftover hate
As I head out, to face the day

Ten hours left,,, on this shift
Lawd don’t ya’ know, I want’a quit
Can’t take too manymore days like this
‘cause I’m losing, all my rightousness

“’cause my baby’s gone away to play
in some other somebodies fantasy
and I’m all alone, living day to day
hopin’ she’ll find her way back to me”

Love and learn, straighten out
A rare grilled steak, and a mug of stout
Several bites,and I laugh out loud
There was no reason, to be so down

Few short years, long long life
Can’t really say, I’ll miss the fights
All her memories, will fade with time
And I’ll make it through, and I’ll do just fine

“’cause that lady, went out to play
in some other somebody’s fantasy
she thinks I’m all alone, livin’ day to day
just on her memories and misery”

Well as long as she’s gone
The more there is
For meee

“Yea that lady went out to play
in some other somebody’s fantasy
she thinks she left me all alone, livin’ day to day
but I hope that she’ll stay away from me”

Yea I hope she’ll never ever find me


[This message has been edited by kc (edited 02-17-2003).]

[This message has been edited by kc (edited 06-29-2004).]

G'day kevin. Goes along OK but I feel the bit about the eight and ten hours is a bit of a departure from the home scene, and as it is alone in this, I think it would be best to add a few more of the downs of life and make this a
There's gota be more than this to life" sort of thing, or stick to the home scenee.
I would also stick to either wanting her back. and who would? or Glad to be shed of her and enjoying the fredom thing.
Regards.
Graham

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http://www.songramp.com/homepage.ez?Who=grahamhenderson

Howdy KC,

I think this one flows pretty well, all except for the second line of the chorus. That line feels awkward to me. Might wanna try something like:
In SOMEBODY ELSE'S fantasy

I wasn't sure what the connection was between the 10 hrs and the 8 hr shift. Are you referring to the time till he gets home again? It just wasn't clear.

The word 'pout' in V3 seems unconversational IMO. Not too many guys would use that term to describe themselves. Maybe consider:
There's no reason TO BE DOWN

Just a few thoughts for conjecture here. I like the fact that he realized he didn't need her.

Bobbie

Hey Graham,
Mighty nice of you to stop in, and very appreciated! Started to call this the evolution of a fool or something like that 'cause I was shootin' for the gettin' over her image?
You gave some good thoughts, thanks!
My best to ya,
kc


Howdy Miss Bobbie,
Ya'll picked out my fav. lines in this lol, maybe they belong in another song?
The 10 hour thing was kinda' my "spent 2 weeks there one night" line meant to show watchin the clock and waitin'? " musta' only made sense to me.
I agree with the pout idea and you gave a great suggestion!
This is one of those ya' kinda' gotta hear to get that second line in the chorus but it really does better to me than the last line.
No doubt it's in the work stage so may get shuffled around a bit.
Really appreciate you reading and commenting.
see Ya'll soon
kc

Hi kc

Up here we would call it KC & The Snowfall Band.....down there well, they've already done the 'sunshine' bit....smile

I read the replies and have to agree on the ten hour thing...You know what it's like now days.....zero tolerance for confusion..
Would have knocked the hell right out of The Beatles "Eight Days A Week" tune...smile

Nobody mentioned what a great catcher the lines in the first verse are...I really like that couple of bites of leftover hate idea....

This little bridge..
"Well as long as she’s gone
The more money and company
For meee"
I like the first line but that last one reads a little childish for the strength of the rest of this lyric.

I too like the fact that you dump this woman in the song....gives it good conclusion..


Regards

Eric

Morning KC...loved this! Goes along well & can already "hear" the music. I'm with Eric, your first stanza is great! Loved these lines:

No ham or eggs, on my plate
Just a couple bites, of leftover hate

LOL! Just a couple of bumps as others pointed out, but other then that, I think it's set to go. Hope you get music for this

Take care,
Amelia

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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/1/ameliarosemusic.htm

Hi Eric,
Sorry for the delay but i sure do appreciate you reading and commenting!
I actually was thinking of changing that bridge 'cause I agree it does'nt do what I want it to, so thanks for letting me know I'm on the right track
also thanks for the kind words on this work in progree.
Take care,
kc and the moonshine steel, lol


Hi Amelia,
Thanks so much for your kind words!
I think this head-tune and the way I sing it may be my biggest problem on this, I can't get it to change much so that I can correct some weak lines, but I'm working on it.
Thanks again
kc

Hey KC

Beginning of a good song here

Trying to see how this verse plays into the story of her taking off for greener grass

Ten hours left,,, eight hour shift
Lawd don’t ya’ know, I want’a quit
Can’t take too manymore days like this
‘cause I’m losing, all my rightousness

Maybe turn it around that the long hours at work keep you from thinking too much

An idea would be to add in the song
By the way you were right about your girlfriend
She did have her eye on me after all
Now she's helping to chase away your memories

Possibly replace the more money and company for me verse with that idea possibly.


Last line
Yea she let her best friend get a hold of me

Hope that wasn't too much on a actually good lyric

I can see this lyric with a great first verse followed with losing the hate when the best friend comes into the scene

James

Hey James,
I sure do thankyou for reading this and commenting, you offer some thoughts I really hadn't thought of, I'm gonna keep them in mind as a matter of fact it kinda gave me an idea for another one. Ya' might see it here before long? Anyway I edited a little bit on this'n but not finished "I'm sure"
Thanks buddy, take care
kc