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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 319
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 319 |
That Lady Went Out to Play ©Kevin C. Moore 2003
Coffee black,,, whiskey straight No ham or eggs, on my plate Just a couple bites, of leftover hate As I head out, to face the day
Ten hours left,,, on this shift Lawd don’t ya’ know, I want’a quit Can’t take too manymore days like this ‘cause I’m losing, all my rightousness
“’cause my baby’s gone away to play in some other somebodies fantasy and I’m all alone, living day to day hopin’ she’ll find her way back to me”
Love and learn, straighten out A rare grilled steak, and a mug of stout Several bites,and I laugh out loud There was no reason, to be so down
Few short years, long long life Can’t really say, I’ll miss the fights All her memories, will fade with time And I’ll make it through, and I’ll do just fine
“’cause that lady, went out to play in some other somebody’s fantasy she thinks I’m all alone, livin’ day to day just on her memories and misery”
Well as long as she’s gone The more there is For meee
“Yea that lady went out to play in some other somebody’s fantasy she thinks she left me all alone, livin’ day to day but I hope that she’ll stay away from me”
Yea I hope she’ll never ever find me
[This message has been edited by kc (edited 02-17-2003).]
[This message has been edited by kc (edited 06-29-2004).]
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 13,618
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G'day kevin. Goes along OK but I feel the bit about the eight and ten hours is a bit of a departure from the home scene, and as it is alone in this, I think it would be best to add a few more of the downs of life and make this a There's gota be more than this to life" sort of thing, or stick to the home scenee. I would also stick to either wanting her back. and who would? or Glad to be shed of her and enjoying the fredom thing. Regards. Graham ------------------ http://www.songramp.com/homepage.ez?Who=grahamhenderson
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 11,806
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Howdy KC,
I think this one flows pretty well, all except for the second line of the chorus. That line feels awkward to me. Might wanna try something like: In SOMEBODY ELSE'S fantasy
I wasn't sure what the connection was between the 10 hrs and the 8 hr shift. Are you referring to the time till he gets home again? It just wasn't clear.
The word 'pout' in V3 seems unconversational IMO. Not too many guys would use that term to describe themselves. Maybe consider: There's no reason TO BE DOWN
Just a few thoughts for conjecture here. I like the fact that he realized he didn't need her.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 319
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Hey Graham, Mighty nice of you to stop in, and very appreciated! Started to call this the evolution of a fool or something like that 'cause I was shootin' for the gettin' over her image? You gave some good thoughts, thanks! My best to ya, kc
Howdy Miss Bobbie, Ya'll picked out my fav. lines in this lol, maybe they belong in another song? The 10 hour thing was kinda' my "spent 2 weeks there one night" line meant to show watchin the clock and waitin'? " musta' only made sense to me. I agree with the pout idea and you gave a great suggestion! This is one of those ya' kinda' gotta hear to get that second line in the chorus but it really does better to me than the last line. No doubt it's in the work stage so may get shuffled around a bit. Really appreciate you reading and commenting. see Ya'll soon kc
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,448
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Hi kc
Up here we would call it KC & The Snowfall Band.....down there well, they've already done the 'sunshine' bit....smile
I read the replies and have to agree on the ten hour thing...You know what it's like now days.....zero tolerance for confusion.. Would have knocked the hell right out of The Beatles "Eight Days A Week" tune...smile
Nobody mentioned what a great catcher the lines in the first verse are...I really like that couple of bites of leftover hate idea....
This little bridge.. "Well as long as she’s gone The more money and company For meee" I like the first line but that last one reads a little childish for the strength of the rest of this lyric.
I too like the fact that you dump this woman in the song....gives it good conclusion..
Regards
Eric
If you're going to judge someone, do it on the side of mercy.
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,223
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Morning KC...loved this! Goes along well & can already "hear" the music. I'm with Eric, your first stanza is great! Loved these lines: No ham or eggs, on my plate Just a couple bites, of leftover hate LOL! Just a couple of bumps as others pointed out, but other then that, I think it's set to go. Hope you get music for this Take care, Amelia ------------------ http://www.soundclick.com/bands/1/ameliarosemusic.htm
Change the world...one act of random kindness at a time.
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Joined: Nov 2002
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Hi Eric, Sorry for the delay but i sure do appreciate you reading and commenting! I actually was thinking of changing that bridge 'cause I agree it does'nt do what I want it to, so thanks for letting me know I'm on the right track also thanks for the kind words on this work in progree. Take care, kc and the moonshine steel, lol
Hi Amelia, Thanks so much for your kind words! I think this head-tune and the way I sing it may be my biggest problem on this, I can't get it to change much so that I can correct some weak lines, but I'm working on it. Thanks again kc
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 201
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Hey KC
Beginning of a good song here
Trying to see how this verse plays into the story of her taking off for greener grass
Ten hours left,,, eight hour shift Lawd don’t ya’ know, I want’a quit Can’t take too manymore days like this ‘cause I’m losing, all my rightousness
Maybe turn it around that the long hours at work keep you from thinking too much
An idea would be to add in the song By the way you were right about your girlfriend She did have her eye on me after all Now she's helping to chase away your memories
Possibly replace the more money and company for me verse with that idea possibly.
Last line Yea she let her best friend get a hold of me
Hope that wasn't too much on a actually good lyric
I can see this lyric with a great first verse followed with losing the hate when the best friend comes into the scene
James
JDRussell
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Joined: Nov 2002
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Hey James, I sure do thankyou for reading this and commenting, you offer some thoughts I really hadn't thought of, I'm gonna keep them in mind as a matter of fact it kinda gave me an idea for another one. Ya' might see it here before long? Anyway I edited a little bit on this'n but not finished "I'm sure" Thanks buddy, take care kc
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