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#294395 - 11/24/02 04:33 PM It,s comin' home to you  
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 556
Mikal Hartley Offline
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Mikal Hartley  Offline
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 556
Johnson City, Tn., U.S.A.
It's comin' home to you
Copyright(C)2002 by Sherin Hartley
Vs1
"I'm goin' away!" I told my dad
and I began to pack,
then I realized all I owned
was hangin' on my back.
Vs2
"You have no skill or trade, my son,"
He said "You have no car."
"Have no fear." I told him then,
"I've got this old guitar."
Chorus
"Well, I'll show you someday, Daddy,
and I know that it's true.
I'll make a million dollars
and bring it home to you."
"Someday I'll make the mark you made,
but in a different way.
One day you'll be so proud of me,
and I'll be home to stay."
Bridge
He said "It's a long road to travel, son
though one or two get by,
but I guess it's no good talkin'
if it's in your heart to try."
Vs3
So, I went out to try my lot,
but I was never told
how hard it was to make it
in a business, oh so cold.
Vs4
I came home and hung my head,
with dollars, just a few.
He never said "I told you so."
Only "I love you."
coda
It's not the skill or trade you know
That just might get you through.
It's the wisdom you learn on the road
That brings it home to you.


[This message has been edited by Mikal Hartley (edited 11-26-2002).]

#294396 - 11/24/02 08:52 PM Re: It,s comin' home to you  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313
Teri Foreman-Black Offline
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Teri Foreman-Black  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313
Royersford, PA USA
Mikal, is this a rewrite? I think I remember reading it a few weeks ago? In any event, it is truly beautiful. I love the story and more importantly, the message which is very clear and endearing. I could hear it... so I think it will sing beautifully when it finds it's music! Best wishes with this!

#294397 - 11/26/02 02:31 PM Re: It,s comin' home to you  
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 556
Mikal Hartley Offline
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Mikal Hartley  Offline
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 556
Johnson City, Tn., U.S.A.
Thanks for the great review Teri! Yes it was a rewrite and here comes another one. Just a little polish 'till it shines!

#294398 - 11/26/02 03:52 PM Re: It,s comin' home to you  
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 784
TKO Offline
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TKO  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 784
Virginia
Hi Sherin,

I liked that way you tied it up and the end of the song. That was cool. You tell a good story too, and maybe it sings just fine, but structurally, it seems a little long, with 4 verses, a chorus, a bridge, and a tag. Also, the chorus is never repeated which is unusual, and you never actually use the title of the song anywhere in the lyric, best as I can tell. Perhaps, you'd want to shorten it to just "Home", or try to rewrite it in a way that you actually include the phrase, "It's comin' home to you". There's potential here, Sherin, but I'd try to refocus the lyric back to the title a little more, and insert some repetitions of the title so you can really drive the hook home. Best of luck and keep writing!

#294399 - 11/27/02 01:13 AM Re: It,s comin' home to you  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 11,806
Bobbie Gallup (D) Offline
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Bobbie Gallup (D)  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 11,806
Nashville, TN, USA
Hi Sherin,

I like the story here and you did wrap it up nicely at the end. However, I also picked up on the structural elements that Tim did...especially the lack of repeats on the chorus and the fact that the title isn't actually in the song, though several variants are. The chorus as you have it now couldn't very well be repeated. To me, it is more of a verse because it still takes the story forward as does the bridge, which is structurally the same as the verses. Work these things out and this could be a very good song.

Bobbie


They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you.

Gallup 'n Dawg Music
#294400 - 12/14/02 09:48 AM Re: It,s comin' home to you  
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 556
Mikal Hartley Offline
Serious Contributor
Mikal Hartley  Offline
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 556
Johnson City, Tn., U.S.A.
Thanks for the read Bobbie,
I know that the title should be in the song by industry standards but I've seen a lot of songs that don't. I'm workin' on the chorus.
Peace, Sherin

[This message has been edited by Mikal Hartley (edited 12-14-2002).]


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