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#294136 - 11/21/02 02:41 PM Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,014
Jeannette Desnoyers Offline
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Jeannette Desnoyers  Offline
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Cranbrook, BC, Canada
THINK TWICE (Changed title and edited)
© 2002 Jeannette Desnoyers
Thanks to Blake for giving me a 'new direction' for this lyric.

V1
Iíve always taken the fast track
Grabbed life without a second glance
But this time the route to my future
Canít be driven by impulse or chance
So, I called dad for a jumpstart
Said, Iím stalled between heart Ďn mind
Do I run, stay and work it out
Iím so lost, Iím runniní blind

V2 (And, he said,)
Love on the runís a heavy load
And thatís a plain and simple fact
Before you head on down that road
You gotta' take a few steps back
So, meet me at the fishin hole
And weíll talk 'bout this fix youíre in
'Cause takiní time to think and fish
Sure beats lookiní back and wishiní

Chorus
ĎCause it takes two to keep love alive
With one strong word, two hearts divide
But if youíre willing to swallow your pride
Two hearts will open for compromise
And that donít happen by slamminí doors
Or pretending you donít care no more
You only get one shot at life
All yaí gotta do is think twice

V3
Well, sitting at that fishing hole
I cast out thoughts one at a time
When every one brought me back to her
Well, I knew love was on the line
I sped home both hands on the wheel
(Said), I need your love to stay on track
I've raced through life grinding gears
Today, second thoughts brought me back

Chorus
Cause it takes two to keep love alive
With one strong word, two hearts divide
But if youíre willing to swallow your pride
Two hearts open for compromise
And that donít happen by slamminí doors
Or pretending you donít care no more
We only get one shot at life
All we gottaí do is think twice

[This message has been edited by lyricalmiss2002 (edited 11-22-2002).]

[This message has been edited by lyricalmiss2002 (edited 11-24-2002).]

[This message has been edited by lyricalmiss2002 (edited 11-26-2002).]

[This message has been edited by lyricalmiss2002 (edited 11-26-2002).]


"Live as though you were going to die tomorrow; learn as though you will live forever." Ghandi

Jeannette
#294137 - 11/21/02 03:36 PM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 13,618
Graham Henderson (D) Offline
Graham Henderson (D)  Offline

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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 13,618
Esperance. West Australia
G'ay jeanette. I am having a real hassle getting the metre to this one. Forget ifyou do noise or not????
Amout of words in it suggest it kicks along prety quick, and that tied in with the fact i got it going best in a bluegrass beat thing.
The fishin/wishin' rhyme set me in a novelty song mood and i don't think that is what you are chasing here jeanette.
Just struck me that if she spent the day fishin', thinkin' talkin' with her dad, she would have been going back over troubled ground and that seems to contradict the piece some.
REgards.
Graham


------------------
http://www.songramp.com/homepage.ez?Who=grahamhenderson

#294138 - 11/21/02 04:50 PM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
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Jeannette Desnoyers Offline
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Jeannette Desnoyers  Offline
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Cranbrook, BC, Canada
Hi, Graham, thanks for the observations, no music as yet, just a bit of a head tune. Realize I still have to smooth out the bumps in meter, just wanted to see how focus was working. Now, bluegrass, hadn't thought o that, good idea. The fishin/wishin is meant to imply this person has always been impulsive in the past and needs to take time to think about decisions and making choices and not jumping in there or running away; the wishin meant the regrets in looking back on bad or wrong choices, if only... or wish I had... but maybe need another way of sayin it, just kind of tickeled my poetic soul.. Thanks again, gives me something to think about, It's not finished yet. But at least it's not 3 different songs in one anymore. Jeannette


"Live as though you were going to die tomorrow; learn as though you will live forever." Ghandi

Jeannette
#294139 - 11/22/02 12:07 PM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
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Terry G Offline
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Terry G  Offline
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Salt Spring Island, B.C.
Hi Jeannette,

Pre-Chorus
Love donít RIDE on win or lose,



------------------
TT

#294140 - 11/22/02 12:26 PM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
Joined: Jul 2002
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jeff Offline
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jeff  Offline
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Abilene, Texas, USA
Hi Jeannette

I really like it. The first 4 lines of your chorus all rhyme. I have have been told that 3 in a row is too much. I don't necessarily agree, and frankly I like your chorus. So, I guess I gave you somebody else's opinion on that. --Jeff

#294141 - 11/22/02 01:29 PM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
Joined: Aug 2002
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Jeannette Desnoyers Offline
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Jeannette Desnoyers  Offline
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Cranbrook, BC, Canada
Terry, great suggestion, thanks I'll use it.
Jeff, the consistent rhyme was intentional, but thanks. Am on way to meet client, sorry this is so rushed. Appreciate the look and comments, J


"Live as though you were going to die tomorrow; learn as though you will live forever." Ghandi

Jeannette
#294142 - 11/23/02 06:31 PM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
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D-Rex Offline
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Jeanette,
.
Thats a lot of Verse and pre chorus before a chorus.I think this needs variance between the 2V / pre chorus and the chorus.It's mostly fatherly advice.If there was more of a situational story in V1&2 This would have more impact with contrast once it hits the chorus.

V3 doesn't seem to set up the chorus.

Some minor in comparison nits are the confusing ryhme patterns in V1&2 and pre1.One or two inside ryhmes can work .All of V2 to the pre I think they come to fast and too many.

D-Rex


[This message has been edited by D-Rex (edited 11-23-2002).]

#294143 - 11/24/02 12:25 AM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
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Clairejeanne Offline
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Posts: 1,851
USA
Hi Jeannette,
I read the lyrics,they kept my interest all the way through.What came to mind was,how could she explained all this so well,2nd thought was ,I love it,3rd thought,answered my 1st thought,she truly is a good writer.After I read some of the nits you got.4th thought was ,I was so interested in the read,it is so good IMO,I didn't analyze,too busy enjoying,the way you expressed,the story,I saw no nits,therefore ,I didn't go back looking for them.......This is ofcourse,is the way I see it,pesonaly.Very nice indeed.

God bless
ClaireJeanne
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/claireandrick.htm

[This message has been edited by clairejeanne (edited 11-23-2002).]

#294144 - 11/24/02 04:32 PM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
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Jeannette Desnoyers Offline
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Jeannette Desnoyers  Offline
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Cranbrook, BC, Canada
Hi, D-Rex, thanks for observations. Actually, I re-wrote the first V and changed this structure to add 2nd V before chorus in response to a critique re: writing to the title; but I do understand that it is a fair length to pre-chorus and may have to look at a way around that. The last 4 lines of V3 are my rewritten lines and pose a problem leading to the prechorus, so I'll definitely rethink those, Thanks for the critique, much appreciated. Jeannette


"Live as though you were going to die tomorrow; learn as though you will live forever." Ghandi

Jeannette
#294145 - 11/24/02 08:49 PM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
Joined: Aug 2002
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Teri Foreman-Black Offline
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Teri Foreman-Black  Offline
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Royersford, PA USA
Phewwww! Finally got to this, Jeannette, and mighty glad I did. I compared it to the earlier version and this is is a lot cleaner and stays with the main hook much better. I liked Terry's suggestion and it looks like you took it... I'll think about that V3 into the prechorus, but it will be easier once this finds it's musical partner. Nice rework, Jeannette... I know that part is sometimes tough!

#294146 - 11/24/02 09:12 PM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
Joined: Aug 2002
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Jeannette Desnoyers Offline
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Jeannette Desnoyers  Offline
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Thanks, ClaireJeanne, appreciate the praise and the read, Because this is a whole new approach to the previous lyric, I wanted to see if the story made sense and stayed in focus with title first; glad to hear it did for you, now I can decide whether the intro is too long. Suspect it depends on the music. God Bless you too, ClaireJeanne thanks for taking the time, Jeannette

Hey, Terri Girl, thanks for stopping in, this has been horrendous couple weeks for both of us. Suspect this will be reworked several times before music; however, the last 4 lines of 3rd verse definitely will change before then. I'm still pretty bent on 2,4 rhyme for verses and pairs for chorus, as well as internal rhymes on prechorus, but that could change with music. I know what I want to say, just can't spit it out...pretty strange for a gemini, huh..LOL Thanks for taking the time. J


"Live as though you were going to die tomorrow; learn as though you will live forever." Ghandi

Jeannette
#294147 - 11/24/02 09:15 PM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
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Teri Foreman-Black Offline
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Teri Foreman-Black  Offline
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Royersford, PA USA
And the Scorpio in me will tell ya that I know what you want to say, but I'll never let on! :smile: Jeannette, I think the rhyme schemes are fine.... trust your instincts. Maybe the music will help the lead in on the prechorus?

#294148 - 11/24/02 09:26 PM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
Joined: Aug 2002
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Jeannette Desnoyers Offline
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Jeannette Desnoyers  Offline
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Cranbrook, BC, Canada
Teri Girl, now how did I know? Best director I have is Scorpio, we just started a new theatre company. Thanks, re: instincts,
A slight rewording and music will make the end work, have some thoughts, just no time for couple days Thanks, again for the look see and personal boost J


"Live as though you were going to die tomorrow; learn as though you will live forever." Ghandi

Jeannette
#294149 - 11/25/02 12:20 AM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
Joined: Feb 2001
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Blake Hill Offline
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Blake Hill  Offline
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dallas, texas usa
Sent ya some ideas on email....nothing big, but i think it's coming along well!

#294150 - 11/26/02 12:01 PM Re: Gotta' Think Twice, Rewrite  
Joined: Aug 2002
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Jeannette Desnoyers Offline
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Jeannette Desnoyers  Offline
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Cranbrook, BC, Canada
Thanks, Blake for the sense of direction and smoothing out thoughts and bumps; your comments and time are much appreciated. J


"Live as though you were going to die tomorrow; learn as though you will live forever." Ghandi

Jeannette

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