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#294071 - 11/20/02 09:36 PM Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 1,997
Ria (Elizabeth) Offline
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Ria (Elizabeth)  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 1,997
Charlotte, NC, USA
Hi all,
I have been playing with this hook for months and finally thought of something but there are a couple of spots I'm not happy with. Maybe I can get some suggestions.
Thanks in advance.

Take Care
Ria

Dancin With A Broken Heart
© 2002 Elizabeth Marquez BMI

Listen to the lyric and soak in the words
With a beat no one else has ever heard
Believe itís written with you in mind
Breaking down walls built up with time

So even if the music hasnít moved you
Itís still a good place to start
Itís gonna help you through
When youíre dancin with a broken heart

The melody rides along the edge of your pain
Bumping into the thoughts that still remain
The high notes waken every little nerve
Reminding your senses of lessons learned

So even if the music hasnít moved you
Itís still a good place to start
Itís gonna help you through
When youíre dancin with a broken heart

Let it lead you and youíll feel
The hurt slowly begin to heal

So even if the music hasnít moved you
Itís still a good place to start
Itís gonna help you through
When youíre dancin with a broken heart



------------------
Ria's Song Lyrics

#294072 - 11/20/02 11:19 PM Re: Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Cindy Miller Offline
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Cindy Miller  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Harlan, Iowa U.S.A.
Hi Ria...

I was just on my way to bed when I decided to take one last look at the board and your lyric spoke to me before I even opened it. REALLY really beautiful. It's so full of tender emotions and comfort, wonderful.

As I read it, not only did it speak to me, but it sang to me. It's "softly powerful", if that makes any sense at all. There's not much difference between the way it sang and the way it read, but I have a couple tinkerings to offer...

Dancin With A Broken Heart
© 2002 Elizabeth Marquez BMI

Listen to the lyric and soak in the words
FIND THE beat no one else has ever heard
KNOW itís written with youR HEART in mind
Breaking down walls built OVER time

So even if the music hasnít moved you
Itís still a good place to start
THE MESSAGE WILL (or "is gonna")help(GET?) you through
When youíre dancin with a broken heart

The melody rides the JAGGED edge of your pain
Bumping into the MEM'RIES that (still-DELETE) remain
The high notes waken every little nerve
Reminding your senses of lessons learned

That's it for nits, and even those are not essential to this lyric. It's yours, let IT lead you... with or without my suggestions... it is that good, Ria, really good!!

love ya,
[Linked Image] Tink


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=29337
#294074 - 11/21/02 01:30 AM Re: Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 11,806
Bobbie Gallup (D) Offline
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Bobbie Gallup (D)  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 11,806
Nashville, TN, USA
Howdy Amigaria!

This one is really special. Liked most of Tink's suggestions for you except I wouldn't delete that word "still" from this line:
Bumping into the MEMORIES that still remain
An idea for your chorus:
JUST LET THE MUSIC MOVE you
It's THE BEST place to start
It's gonna help you MAKE IT through
When you're dancin' with a broken heart

Just a couple of coins for your consideration fountain. [Linked Image] Nice work here.

Bobbie


They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you.

Gallup 'n Dawg Music
#294075 - 11/21/02 07:44 AM Re: Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Cindy Miller Offline
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Cindy Miller  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Harlan, Iowa U.S.A.
Mornin, just had to pop back in here this morning and look at some of the other comments and I notice yours, Bobbie. I was, at first, inclined to want to change the first line of the chorus as you did, but before I did, I went and reread the first verse. Though this is Ria's lyric and I should just shaddup and let her take care of bizness, I notice her message here is to allow the "words" to help heal that heart. When the heart is broken, sometimes music just isn't enough to move our hearts to heal. We need the soothing balm of a lyric with us in mind. Therefore, I left that first line intact. That's just "my" interpretation, though. Ria could have something altogether different in mind.

[Linked Image] Still really diggin this lyric, girl!

[Linked Image] Tink


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=29337
#294076 - 11/21/02 08:37 AM Re: Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,389
Corky Bernard (D) Offline
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Corky Bernard (D)  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,389
Nashville, Tn.
Ria,

this is very pretty...sort of a chick flick song, I guess...and ya'll do buy most of the music.<g>

dawg


Wisdom does not always accompany age. Sometimes
age just shows up alone.
#294077 - 11/21/02 11:11 AM Re: Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,014
Jeannette Desnoyers Offline
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Jeannette Desnoyers  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,014
Cranbrook, BC, Canada
Very pretty Ria and some great lines. Tink's made some good suggestions. 2 lines that could be stronger, 'let it lead you and you'll feel,the hurt slowly begin to heal' not sure they work and may not even be necessary to include. IMHO this reads like very pretty poetry right now, and, what if it were written from the point of view of 'I' - might be a little stronger for listener as they emotionally feel and hear the music heal the singer? could be very off base on that comment, good writing. Jeannette


"Live as though you were going to die tomorrow; learn as though you will live forever." Ghandi

Jeannette
#294078 - 11/21/02 11:51 AM Re: Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 13,618
Graham Henderson (D) Offline
Graham Henderson (D)  Offline

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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 13,618
Esperance. West Australia
Love that title Ria. And like the lyric.
I guess my thoughts on what it would be about are stil with me and while I am will pass them on to you just in case you also see it as a good way to go. In a totally differant direction I hasten to add.
I thought it would be about dancing with somebody who had a broken heart, and really think the title would really come home used in that way.
You don't think so Ria, I will try to build something around the thought while keeping away from the exact hook.
I think it is as good a hook I have sen in a long time.
Very nice.
Graham

------------------
http://www.songramp.com/homepage.ez?Who=grahamhenderson

#294079 - 11/21/02 06:54 PM Re: Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 1,997
Ria (Elizabeth) Offline
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Ria (Elizabeth)  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 1,997
Charlotte, NC, USA
Hi Tink (X's 2) [Linked Image]
I really liked some of the suggestions you gave and Im going to use them. I wanted the message to be that even if you have a broken heart, that shouldnt stop you from letting life move you. (I guess [Linked Image] )

Hi ya Noel,
I know that hook came to me and I had lots of imagery going through my head but then I went to write it and I got blocked. Ive had this hook for at least three months and would keep going back to it. I even started a collab and we couldnt really get anywhere with it. Im glad you liked it.


Hi Bobbie, I also liked your suggestions and it's great to "see" ya again. Thanks so much for taking the time, I really appreciate it.

Hi Dawg,
yep, it's a chick song. [Linked Image] Now I need some strong hunky guy to sing it [Linked Image]

Jeannette,
I almost didnt have a bridge in this. That's one of the things that kept me from finishing it. I got another suggestion offline so I will look at it. I never thought of putting it in first person. Ill have to see what it looks like Thanks!

Hi Grahammy,
I see that you wrote the lyric and it's good! Sometimes good hooks do come out of me. [Linked Image]

Take Care all and Thanks!
Ria



------------------
Ria's Song Lyrics

#294080 - 11/23/02 01:28 AM Re: Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,929
Ray Thyer (D) Offline
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Ray Thyer (D)  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,929
Coominya, Queensland Australia
G'day Elizabeth.I don't often get a minute to spare but today I have and then the whole of my problem was there for me to see...WHICH ONE? which song, whose...and then I saw your song's title and I then I knew it was your song I should looksee at and I gotta say this is a 'beautiful song'and I love your beautiful song too.best wishes, Ray in Australia.


Ray Thyer
#294081 - 11/23/02 02:17 AM Re: Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,005
Terry G Offline
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Terry G  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,005
Salt Spring Island, B.C.
Hi Elizabeth,
I've only read 2 sections, but while I remember. . . .

Listen to the lyric and soak in the words
TO a beat no one else has ever heard

So even if the words don't soothe you
Itís still a good place to start
The music will help MOVE you through
When youíre dancin with a broken heart

------------------
Terry

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 11-22-2002).]

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 11-27-2002).]

#294082 - 11/23/02 02:29 AM Re: Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 4,528
Blake Hill Offline
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Blake Hill  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 4,528
dallas, texas usa
I have nada to add; moved along nicely for me. Didn't see anyting i could offer; nice solid effort girl. [Linked Image]

#294083 - 11/23/02 03:38 AM Re: Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
Top 10 Poster
"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Tampa, Florida since 1973
HI Dee Ria!

I'll echo Blakester's Sentiments...Darn Fine Song Here...

"KUDOS" for a Definitely "Feel-Good Lyric"!

Big Hugs,
Stan

#294084 - 11/24/02 08:58 PM Re: Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313
Teri Foreman-Black Offline
Serious Contributor
Teri Foreman-Black  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313
Royersford, PA USA
Hi Ria.... Saw this title and just had to read through it even though my timeclock says I need to go do some chores. UGH! I have to do a double ditto here... to Tink and then to Bobbie on her suggestion on how to start out the chorus. This is truly beautiful and actually very uplifting in intent. Best wishes with this, Ria! I'd love to hear this someday.

#294085 - 11/25/02 10:33 AM Re: Dancin With A Broken Heart  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 1,997
Ria (Elizabeth) Offline
Top 100 Poster
Ria (Elizabeth)  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 1,997
Charlotte, NC, USA
Hi all,
I tried to comment the other day but couldnt and then drove to Ohio for Thanksgiving. I see the bugs have been worked out now [Linked Image]

Ray, Terry, Blake, Stan and Terri, thanks so much for commenting. I have lots of changes to make to this and will use a lot of the suggestions.
Take care and have a good holiday.

Ria


------------------
Ria's Song Lyrics


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