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Hi all,
I have been playing with this hook for months and finally thought of something but there are a couple of spots I'm not happy with. Maybe I can get some suggestions.
Thanks in advance.

Take Care
Ria

Dancin With A Broken Heart
© 2002 Elizabeth Marquez BMI

Listen to the lyric and soak in the words
With a beat no one else has ever heard
Believe it’s written with you in mind
Breaking down walls built up with time

So even if the music hasn’t moved you
It’s still a good place to start
It’s gonna help you through
When you’re dancin with a broken heart

The melody rides along the edge of your pain
Bumping into the thoughts that still remain
The high notes waken every little nerve
Reminding your senses of lessons learned

So even if the music hasn’t moved you
It’s still a good place to start
It’s gonna help you through
When you’re dancin with a broken heart

Let it lead you and you’ll feel
The hurt slowly begin to heal

So even if the music hasn’t moved you
It’s still a good place to start
It’s gonna help you through
When you’re dancin with a broken heart



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Ria's Song Lyrics

Hi Ria...

I was just on my way to bed when I decided to take one last look at the board and your lyric spoke to me before I even opened it. REALLY really beautiful. It's so full of tender emotions and comfort, wonderful.

As I read it, not only did it speak to me, but it sang to me. It's "softly powerful", if that makes any sense at all. There's not much difference between the way it sang and the way it read, but I have a couple tinkerings to offer...

Dancin With A Broken Heart
© 2002 Elizabeth Marquez BMI

Listen to the lyric and soak in the words
FIND THE beat no one else has ever heard
KNOW it’s written with youR HEART in mind
Breaking down walls built OVER time

So even if the music hasn’t moved you
It’s still a good place to start
THE MESSAGE WILL (or "is gonna")help(GET?) you through
When you’re dancin with a broken heart

The melody rides the JAGGED edge of your pain
Bumping into the MEM'RIES that (still-DELETE) remain
The high notes waken every little nerve
Reminding your senses of lessons learned

That's it for nits, and even those are not essential to this lyric. It's yours, let IT lead you... with or without my suggestions... it is that good, Ria, really good!!

love ya,
Tink

Howdy Amigaria!

This one is really special. Liked most of Tink's suggestions for you except I wouldn't delete that word "still" from this line:
Bumping into the MEMORIES that still remain
An idea for your chorus:
JUST LET THE MUSIC MOVE you
It's THE BEST place to start
It's gonna help you MAKE IT through
When you're dancin' with a broken heart

Just a couple of coins for your consideration fountain. Nice work here.

Bobbie

Mornin, just had to pop back in here this morning and look at some of the other comments and I notice yours, Bobbie. I was, at first, inclined to want to change the first line of the chorus as you did, but before I did, I went and reread the first verse. Though this is Ria's lyric and I should just shaddup and let her take care of bizness, I notice her message here is to allow the "words" to help heal that heart. When the heart is broken, sometimes music just isn't enough to move our hearts to heal. We need the soothing balm of a lyric with us in mind. Therefore, I left that first line intact. That's just "my" interpretation, though. Ria could have something altogether different in mind.

Still really diggin this lyric, girl!

Tink

Ria,

this is very pretty...sort of a chick flick song, I guess...and ya'll do buy most of the music.<g>

dawg

Very pretty Ria and some great lines. Tink's made some good suggestions. 2 lines that could be stronger, 'let it lead you and you'll feel,the hurt slowly begin to heal' not sure they work and may not even be necessary to include. IMHO this reads like very pretty poetry right now, and, what if it were written from the point of view of 'I' - might be a little stronger for listener as they emotionally feel and hear the music heal the singer? could be very off base on that comment, good writing. Jeannette

Love that title Ria. And like the lyric.
I guess my thoughts on what it would be about are stil with me and while I am will pass them on to you just in case you also see it as a good way to go. In a totally differant direction I hasten to add.
I thought it would be about dancing with somebody who had a broken heart, and really think the title would really come home used in that way.
You don't think so Ria, I will try to build something around the thought while keeping away from the exact hook.
I think it is as good a hook I have sen in a long time.
Very nice.
Graham

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http://www.songramp.com/homepage.ez?Who=grahamhenderson

Hi Tink (X's 2)
I really liked some of the suggestions you gave and Im going to use them. I wanted the message to be that even if you have a broken heart, that shouldnt stop you from letting life move you. (I guess )

Hi ya Noel,
I know that hook came to me and I had lots of imagery going through my head but then I went to write it and I got blocked. Ive had this hook for at least three months and would keep going back to it. I even started a collab and we couldnt really get anywhere with it. Im glad you liked it.


Hi Bobbie, I also liked your suggestions and it's great to "see" ya again. Thanks so much for taking the time, I really appreciate it.

Hi Dawg,
yep, it's a chick song. Now I need some strong hunky guy to sing it

Jeannette,
I almost didnt have a bridge in this. That's one of the things that kept me from finishing it. I got another suggestion offline so I will look at it. I never thought of putting it in first person. Ill have to see what it looks like Thanks!

Hi Grahammy,
I see that you wrote the lyric and it's good! Sometimes good hooks do come out of me.

Take Care all and Thanks!
Ria



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Ria's Song Lyrics

G'day Elizabeth.I don't often get a minute to spare but today I have and then the whole of my problem was there for me to see...WHICH ONE? which song, whose...and then I saw your song's title and I then I knew it was your song I should looksee at and I gotta say this is a 'beautiful song'and I love your beautiful song too.best wishes, Ray in Australia.

Hi Elizabeth,
I've only read 2 sections, but while I remember. . . .

Listen to the lyric and soak in the words
TO a beat no one else has ever heard

So even if the words don't soothe you
It’s still a good place to start
The music will help MOVE you through
When you’re dancin with a broken heart

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Terry

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 11-22-2002).]

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 11-27-2002).]

I have nada to add; moved along nicely for me. Didn't see anyting i could offer; nice solid effort girl.

HI Dee Ria!

I'll echo Blakester's Sentiments...Darn Fine Song Here...

"KUDOS" for a Definitely "Feel-Good Lyric"!

Big Hugs,
Stan

Hi Ria.... Saw this title and just had to read through it even though my timeclock says I need to go do some chores. UGH! I have to do a double ditto here... to Tink and then to Bobbie on her suggestion on how to start out the chorus. This is truly beautiful and actually very uplifting in intent. Best wishes with this, Ria! I'd love to hear this someday.

Hi all,
I tried to comment the other day but couldnt and then drove to Ohio for Thanksgiving. I see the bugs have been worked out now

Ray, Terry, Blake, Stan and Terri, thanks so much for commenting. I have lots of changes to make to this and will use a lot of the suggestions.
Take care and have a good holiday.

Ria


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Ria's Song Lyrics