JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 RED RIVER ROMANCE

Well it's been 4 ever since i've posted anything. Looks like the 60-70 hour work weeks might have finally come to an end. Sure have missed being around here. If ya remember me, feel free to nit away at this! I'm sure i'm rusty.

Upbeat Country. (Surprise, surprise)

Red River Romance
© 2002 Blake Hill BMI

V1
I live in Tulsa
She lives in Dallas
We hit it off
There’s something ‘bout us
That sparked one summer night
I spend the weekends
A bit past the border
It’s worth drivin’ cause
I’ll soon get to hold her
I count the hours, till I’ll see her tonight

CHORUS
Our Red River Romance
Where we always meet half way
Near the banks of that dividin’ river
That separates us and our states
When that whistle blows
We both hit the road
Head straight to Durant
Every weekend
We come together again
For our Red River Romance

V2
Saving my dollars
To buy her gold band
It won’t take long
If I stick to my plan
We’ll be together soon
This old truck of mine
Can’t take much more travel
The tires are bald
And damn near unraveled
But I drive on, hoping they’ll get me to

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
Sooner or later
There’ll be no more goodbyes
She’ll be my lone star
For the rest of my life

REPEAT CHORUS




[This message has been edited by blakeh (edited 11-21-2002).]

Hi Blake,

Your chops musta been in clean, dry storage cause this is solid!

All that popped up for me was line five
where at first glance, I thought I had read:

"That sparkled one summer night"

It may work for you too?

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Terry

Hey Terry, i appreciate the nice words buddy; especially coming from one who is so vigilante in wanting to help find areas in a lyric that could be improved. Thanks for stopping in!

HIDee Blakester!

Nice Job here...

Duh...WHAT's a "Barrel Racer" tho?
Inquiring Big City Minds wanna know"

Enjoyed it, Bro! You're Still in Great Form.

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Hi Blakeh. Welcome back. Aw, if you got it ,you got it, <g> I didn't find much to nit. Had a littletrouble with the flow, but if it's flowing for you , that's all that matters.
Line 3 --chorus--'nother possibility--
One side or other of that lazy river
Might not work if you've got music and with "Durant' unless take Durant to be the general area.
Used to live pretty close to the Red when I lived down at Frederick. Was down to Old Doans crossing a couple times. Not too much there now. I'll let you tell Stan about barrel racing. Good writing

Hey, Blake, missed your presence. This is solid as usual, congrats on nomination by the way, fell in love with that one immediately.
'blue collar grazer' great image. And, I like the word 'sparked' like to think the attraction was immediate and spontaneous combustion. Jeannette

Hey Tampa, thanks for the read buddy. Barrel Racer is a rodeo event for the ladies. Riding a horse at full run through some barrels. I don't watch it much, so i'm sure someone else can give a better explanation!
Thanks for stopping in!

Hey, Blake! It's about time you had something up here! I guess I can't talk. I haven't exactly been burning up the board lately, myself. If this is rusty, then you should be rusty more often. I think it's pretty darn solid. I really liked V1 - great imagery that pulls you in from the start. I only have a couple of nits. In the chorus, line 4 didn't do it for me. The "states" thing is the culprit. It's too impersonal, or something. I'd come up with something stronger, something more personal. In V2, I think the last line could be much stronger. "I'll have to make do" seems like filler to me. I know you can do better (don't you hate it when people say that? ). Other than those small nits, this looks good. Welcome back, Blake!

Erica

Hey Blake. Can I just add that I like this one too?!? Nice job. Seems to move along quite well.
If this is rusty, i'm anxious to see rolling again
Joanne

Blakester,

So this is what happens when a "hook em horns" girl spends a night in the "Sooner Schooner"!! A different kind of Red River Shootout to be sure. Not much rust on your pen bud.

Killer bridge...I get it, and I`ll concede you kudos, and a touchdown for such "cleverity".

Good job, you carried the rock clear through this one. Dano.


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www.angelfire.com/music3/danolyrics

Hiya Wyman; always nice to get a visit from you! Thanks for the read; I did later edit the one line you pointed out. And yeah, was thinking General vicinity as Durant isn't on the Red River, but the closest city (of any size) to it. I've got a melody figured for this, but I'll have to let the music people tell me if it'll work!

Howdy Blake,

I know it is just a pet thing of mine..but I sorta get a blip everytime I hear the word romance in a song. I know that a lot of folks do it...but I just cringe. I like your story here (of course I love rodeo) but think you could do a stronger hook and title for it. Maybe Red River Rendezvous or sumthin along those lines. I had some trouble picking up a meter in this but if it works to your music..who am I to question the meter?

'Nuther good 'un going here.

Bobbie

Jeannette,
Sure appreciate ya stoppin' in to give this a read; thanks for the nice words too!

Ricki...thanks for the read. Thanks for the suggestion; i made a change and do think it works better. Thanks for pointing it out!

Hi Joanne, thanks for the read and nice words; enjoyed your latest as well.

Hey Dano; i should known if anyone figured the bridge out it would be you. I purposely made it obscure so it could work if you didn't get it; but if you got it, it might make ya think, "oh, i get that". Anyway, good eye, and thanks for stoppin' in!

G'day Blakeh. I like the story in your song just fine and I like your fine song too. best wishes,Ray in Australia.

Hi Blake!!!!! It's so good to see your name here again!! I've got my own catching up to do, but thought I'd take this spare minute to comment on this fine lyric. Interesting rhyme scheme, it took me a while, but I got into the "groove"...

Have a couple of suggestions. For the last line of the chorus, if it were me, I'd just say:

IT'S A Red River Romance (that's how it sang itself to me, anyway.)

In the Second verse, the last line seems to need a little more something

Can’t take much more travel
The tires are bald
And damn near unraveled
But I'LL DO WHATEVER I HAVE TO DO, (cause)

This is a nice lil lyric, Blake, love the story, it's timeless...

Tink

Hey bobbie, thanks for stopping in to give it a read; have an aversion to Romance eh?! Rendezvous would work just as well and I'd hardly have to change much; might consider that. Thanks for taking a look!

Exit stage left

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 11-14-2002).]

This is really a cool country song. I knew what a barrel racer is but for the uninformed you might squeeze in the word rodeo maybe in place of the and. My question is what's a blue collar glazer?

I just noticed you're in Dallas. So am I. Give me a shout at jnatherson@aol.com.

By the way, I think romance is the right word in this particular song. But maybe Bobbie's right (again) Red River Rendezvous does have a ring.

So I was going to nit the "grab life by the horns" in the bridge as a stop to say duh, but I guess there's a reason for it. Got the flow quickly too. Did stumble, but I figured out where you were going pretty quickly.

Oh and uh rust never sleeps

Rust my butt....

Blake this reads like you musta been putting in those 60-70 hour weeks in WD-40 factory.
Good job and a fun read.

dawg

Hiya Ray, thanks for the read mate; i see u have one 2; i promise to make it by later 2ntie and give it read!

Tinkster, thanks for stopping in and reading and making some comments; they are always appreciated!

Good to see you back. I ain't gonna lie and say this is one of your better ones, but it's not bad. A smooth enough read, that would probably be a really nice tune. Got some bumps, but you've got enough suggestions to clear 'em up. Now, get to writin' the next honky tonk classic (did I already say that somewhere?).

Corey

Hey Blake,
Nice to have you back.You certainly didn't loose your touch.Your muse is as strong as ever.....I like what you have here.

God bless ClaireJeanne
How's your new baby doing.Looks like you got through those first mt.ok.....those long hrs. at work though ,that's something else.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/claireandrick.htm

Hi Blake - if I'd read this lyric without it having your name next to it I'd have known it was yours straight away, you do these so well. Great job on this one - the opening lines are excellent. Cheers, Judy
(Pete and I enjoyed the family pictures)

Hiya James, thanks for reading and posting; I do agree that "glazer" IS obscure; for those that don't know; it's someone who installs/cuts glass. I have a friend who is one, so it's common to me; but i didn't know what one was before I'd met him. If i can find a better rhyme i will fix that.

Welcome aboard too; i did send ya an email.

John and Dawg thanks to the both of ya for stoppin' in and givin' this a read; always appreciated.

Hi, Blake!

I would like to hear how they met instead of this part:

She’s all of nineteen
And a barrel racer
While I’m getting by
As a blue collar glazer

If you decide to keep those lines and the glazing that's involved has to do specifically with replacing windows and no other kind of glazing, I think the word may be glazier.

I would also like to hear why she is special enough to inspire him to drive such a long way. I would like to see his feelings for her to be expressed more dramatically. Maybe have him counting the miles and thoughts of her jumping in when he passes certain points. Maybe he has to be careful because there is a speed trap on the way, stuff like that.

Good luck with this.

JeanB

Thanks for stoppin' in Corey; yea, i have some good ideas given to me; i think if i polish it up it could work out well. Thanks for the read.

Claire and Judy; appreciate ya guys taking the time to read this one!

Jean, thanks for stoppin' in and for some good suggestions; i made a few changes; and will probably continue to mull some others over; thanks for making me rethink those lines; i replaced them with better ones; but could change it some more. Thanks.

Hi Blake,
I coudln't quite get the meter my mind but I have no doubt that it works in your head and that's what matters. I really love the lone star line in the bridge!! Another solid lyric, like it alot!

Thanks for giving this a read Jeannester!

Golly Tex, this shore is nice! No nits from me!

Glad to see you're back and congrats on the nomination...

Uncle Chuck

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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/athabaxtra.htm

Hey Blake..

Are you ready for the Dallas show? Looking forward to seeing everyone there!

Brian

blake, the hookline seems kinda weak and so does the theme. and the vss need one good line or image to make the lyric live. also vs 1 doesn't appear to rhyme. I was able to find a few half rhymes in the rest of it. it's good to at least open with a decent rhyme if you're going to let them slide for the rest of the song. as always JMO...

Hey Chuckster, nice to see you too; thanks for giving it a read.

Brian, I'm thinking we're ready. Just keep me updated on any new signups so i can let them know. We've got the place from 7PM to Midnight.

Couch, I know you're not big on Nashville country, but there are imperfect rhymes all over the place in just about every song i hear on the radio. I hear what you're saying, but think that 'bout us / Dallas works fine, and border / hold her works for me. I'll think it over. Never hurts to rethink things though. Thanks for stoppin' in.

Hey Blake, I think I remember you. You remember me? I've been MIA myself lately as you know, but thought I'd stick my head in and see what's what.

I had no problem with the imperfect rhyme here. If Alan Jackson can get away with some of his stretches-of-rhyme, I don't see why the rest of us can't.

Looks like some changes have already been made to this, so there's not much to nit. I agree with Judy about recognizing your style. It's definitely a Blake Hill signature song.

Good to see some words from you again.

Greg

blake, the rhymes are a secondary concern. a weak hookline and vss that are kinda bland were what stood out to me. if you have strong ideas and iffy rhymes, no prob. but to have neither would put a burden on the composer to make the song interesting.

as for the rhymes...'bout us/Dallas isn't a near rhyme. it doesn't rhyme at all. the accented syllables have completely different vowel sounds.

as for what Nash does, I'm well aware because I browse their lyrics on the Net. Nash songs do have very low standards in many areas. the question is, do you aspire to be the best writer you can be or just settle for what requires the least talent and effort? that's for each of us to decide. but I think that for an outsider to make his mark, his work needs to stand out, not blend in with the pack. JMO...

Hi Blake,

I still like my earlier suggestion
that you never commented on :—)

Last verse:
The tires are bald
Can't take much more gravel.
(Won't take?)

Paints a good picture of a country road —
after all you are talking about a river — and why use up two whole lines on the darn tires. . . "bald" is close enough to threadbare (only recaps actually "unravel" really)
and your honour, I rest my case with,
"gravel" is a pure rhyme with "travel" <g>

TT
P.S.
Funny that in verse one of "Should A Song
Shine on Me"
"Psalm" rhymes with "upon" ??
"Myself" rhymes with "myself" ??

Tall Terry, upon and psalm share the same vowel sounds and have similar consonants. that's called a half rhyme and is just like rhyming wine/time. the other rhyme isn't myself/myself it's seem myself/redeem myself. hope that clears up your confusion!

Hi Couch,

Could you actually be that into yourself
that you really don't think I know what an impure or half-rhyme is? ?
I'd really like to know as I document such classics in human behavior.

I mentioned the "psalm" rhyme because a half-rhyme is precisely what you inferred in Blake's song, was a less than "decent" rhyme.

I will concede the "seem myself" ,
"redeem myself" however.

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Terry

TTerry, I assumed you didn't know what a near rhyme was because as I explained clearly in the above post, bout us/Dallas DON'T share even a close vowel sound on the accented syllable which means they aren't a near rhyme anymore than crazy and floozy are. psalm/upon are a near rhyme because they share a common vowel and similiar consonants. I felt funny explaining what I thought was obvious but i didn't know what else to say. if that means I'm "into myself", oh well. this IS a lyric critique board and in the intro to his lyric blake welcomed "nitpicking". I don't nitpick but I did point out what I thought were weaknesses in the lyric in a courteous manner. chief of which are, not the sloppy rhymes but the hook and bland vss. that's the purpose of a critique. he's certainly free to ignore my critique which won't bother me one bit. but i will be honest.

Hi Couch,

(beggin' your pardon Blake)

In all honesty, a Canadian pronounces
"us" and the end of "Dallas" with exactly the same sound.

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TT

Gregster, I appreciate the read my friend. Thanks for stoppin' in and posting.

Terry, didn't mean to overlook your comment; i always look 4 yours since you're always so full of suggestions. I don't think you're idea is a bad one. The Red River thing is based really on a city just a few miles from the river. If i use those lines then i think i'd have to focus more on the river itself and the surroundings. The Red River is the immediate vicinity of where they met and meet and what separates them, so i didn't think the dirt road really fit because it's all interstate from Dallas to Durant.

As far as the Bout Us and Dallas...they rhyme in my ear and everyone else I know. We say Dallas as it if were spelled DALLUS. Plus singers bend words all the time. I see this as a non issue, and something not worth changing. Maybe Canadians and Texans are alot alike! The rhyme doesn't have to happen on the stressed syllable to make it a near, perfect, imperfect or whatever kinda rhyme. Plus, i think near rhymes are more natural since no one speaks in perfect rhymes. Of course that's just MHO. As far as the hook being weak, i guess that's just in the eye of the beholder, I don't see it that way, and no one else mentioned it; and i did ask for nits; same as with the content of the verses...another opinion call which is fine too.

Just as an observation in passing re the dallas bit. it sounds how we say it too .
By point toward the lyric is i had ti sing a so in twix the hit off and the next to get it to sing Ok.
Other than that I would change that tonight to an at night or each nigth or something. Tonight is so one off.
Regards.
Graham

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http://www.songramp.com/homepage.ez?Who=grahamhenderson