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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Feb 2002
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Been rewriting this one for months. Thanks to all who made suggestions on the first version. Still looking for music ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/wink.gif) SLIPPIN’ UP AND SLIDIN’ DOWN©2002 By Mary Lou Sudkamp V1 I knew I was in trouble By the cold look in her eyes I forgot about our date last week And played cards with the guys So when I got to her house I was hopin’ for romance, But when I tried to kiss her She said, “you don’t have a chance!” WELLLLL … CHORUS I’M SLIPPIN’ UP AND SLIDIN’ DOWN ‘CAUSE OTHER GUYS ARE COMIN’ ROUND WITH EACH STEP I TAKE, I’M LOSING GROUND … IF IT’S SINK OR SWIM I JUST MIGHT DROWN … YEAH, I’M SLIPPIN’ UP AND SLIDIN’ DOWN V2 I know it ain’t the first time … I’ve made mistakes before And I'm slidin' down from number one ‘Cause she's been keepin’ score I never had good reasons, But I always had good lies But when I tried one this time She said “this time it’s goodbye” WELLLL… CHORUS I’M SLIPPIN’ UP AND SLIDIN’ DOWN ‘CAUSE OTHER GUYS ARE COMIN’ ROUND WITH EACH STEP I TAKE, I’M LOSING GROUND … IF IT’S SINK OR SWIM I JUST MIGHT DROWN … YEAH, I’M SLIPPIN’ UP AND SLIDIN’ DOWN BRIDGE She sure knows how to make me blue I'm sliding down from number one … and I feel like #2 … CHORUS I’M SLIPPIN’ UP AND SLIDIN’ DOWN ‘CAUSE OTHER GUYS ARE COMIN’ ROUND WITH EACH STEP I TAKE, I’M LOSING GROUND … IF IT’S SINK OR SWIM I JUST MIGHT DROWN … YEAH, I’M SLIPPIN’ UP AND SLIDIN’ DOWN TAG YEAH, I’M SLIPPIN’ UP AND SLIDIN’ DOWN (2X) ------------------ Mary Lou [This message has been edited by carrgirl1115 (edited 09-04-2002).]
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Joined: Jan 2002
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Hi Mary lou, This one is a real fun read. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/smile.gif) I would change V-1 line 3. He forgot the date and later the same night? (reads that way to me) he goes over for romance? May change forgot or make the going for romance a later night?? Good writing Regards Bill.
Drop by and listen to.. My Music ..when you have a chance.
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Joined: Aug 2002
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Hey Mary Lou
That's great you got it right on this time,now all you need is the music.
God bless
ClaireJeanne
This is fom ClaireJeanne,my husband joined JpF,we share the same puter,I forgot to change his name,when I took over.I think I've done this 6 or 7 times allready
[This message has been edited by Ricko (edited 09-03-2002).]
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Joined: Jul 2001
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Hey Mary Lou, Your bridge is hysterical!!! Maybe you could clarify that first verse by making it a week since the singer forgot the date, something like: I knew I was in trouble By the cold look in her eyes I forgot about our date LAST WEEK And played cards with the guys I knew what you were saying, that he forgot the date and suddenly the next time he saw her, he knew by the look in his eyes he'd forgotten the date, whoopsie!! Takes a real dog to do something like that, huh? Well, dog's make for good country music, IMO. Nice writing(and rewriting!!) Tink
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Joined: May 2001
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Hi Mary Lou
an attention getter, with some very good writing....I agree with Tink, on the week thingee.....onliest little afterthought..maybe an Oh Shucks, or something along that nature, after the second verse, but it looks real fine as is.
ps..thanks for the comeback on october girl...read it but it was so far down I didn't wanta bring it back.Thanks
Allen
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Thanks, Bill, for the nice words and the suggestion. I see what you mean about making it a little later when he goes to her house. TINK had a good suggestion I'll probably use there. Appreciate the help! ------------------ Mary Lou
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Ahhhh, ClaireJeanne with a pseudonym! I had so many rewrites on this until it finally just came together! Of course, still one or two things to work out, but overall it works so much better than the original. Glad you like it! ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/biggrin.gif) ------------------ Mary Lou
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Good morning to ya, TINK! Yeah, I kinda like the bridge myself ... probably the only part of the original that stayed the same! I may use your suggestion for v1 and put "last week" in there. The only other thing I thought of was maybe saying "the next day I went to her house" instead of changing the other line. Not sure it meters better, though. Will think on that one! Thanks a bunch for the suggestion!! ------------------ Mary Lou
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Hey, Allen, thanks for stoppin' in! TINK did have a good suggestion and I'll probably go ahead and change either that line or the next one as I said in my previous post. I don't get the chance to get on here as much as I'd like (having computer problems at home and only get a few minutes at work when I can check the board), but I do try to check a few of the songs and see what is going on! ------------------ Mary Lou
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LOL Mary Lou! Real fun read this morning Agree on changing the line to "last week", other than that...not a nit from me. Good luck with this! Take care, Amelia ------------------ http://www.soundclick.com/bands/ameliarose.htm
Change the world...one act of random kindness at a time.
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Hi, AmeliaRose. So - another vote for "last week" -- I changed it -- it's done! Thanks for stoppin' in and helping me make up my mind to just go ahead and change it! ------------------ Mary Lou
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Joined: May 2001
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Got here just in time. All the work is done Mary Lou. Hung out ith the guys sounds better to me maybe. No biggie. Good fun thing mary Lou. REgards. Graham ------------------ http://www.songramp.com/homepage.ez?Who=grahamhenderson
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Hi Mary Lou,
I think I know this guy..LOL This is a great song IMO! Read totally smooth to me. Loved it. Only had one tiny tweak to offer you:
I never had good reasons,
But I THOUGHT I had good lies
Now get this one some music!
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Hey, Graham! I think "played cards with the guys" has better visual (and when they make a video of this, they'll need good visuals LOL!). Anyway, glad you stopped and liked! ------------------ Mary Lou
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Hi,Bobbie! I'm glad you like it . I figured the contrast between "never" in the line before and "always" in the next line might play off each other. I'll give your suggestions some thought, though. Always appreciate hearing from you! ------------------ Mary Lou
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Darn. And I was so looking forward to seeing the one my mind saw of a mess of wannabe badboys chasing after watresses in cut offs too. With, or without the Daisie Mae blouse my mind put there 'cos it is shy. Sure got me more interested in the one of a heap of ol' boys huddled over a grubby deck of cards in a cigar smoke filed room eating fries and pickled eggs. Regards. Graham ------------------ http://www.songramp.com/homepage.ez?Who=grahamhenderson
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Well, you got me there, Graham! LOL If only I had read your mind ... uhhh ... on second thought ... MIGHT not want to go there!! I'll have to have you help with the video -- sounds like it would be a very interesting -- or maybe too hot to handle ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/eek.gif) ------------------ Mary Lou
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