JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 Friends Like These

would love your thoughts on this. Don't get too tripped up on syllable counts...its got a tune hammered out.

Friends Like These
© 2002 Eddie Ray Raynor

VERSE
I’ve known most of them since grade school
And runnin round in our old neighborhood
None of us are what I would call bad boys
But together always find ways to no good

First grade we were pullin pigtails
In eigth grade it was dirty magazines
By highschool we were racing cars
Fake IDs sneakin into bars
It’s a wonder that we made it to eighteen

CHORUS
With friends like these
I could use some enemies
That won’t be temptin me to go astray
Through thick and thin
Til I reach my bitter end
Friends like these gon lead the way

VERSE 2
Now I’m all grown up and married
And I’ve got responsibilities
But yesterday my friends said lets go fishin
And bad judgement got the better part of me

I came stumblin in past midnight
With nothin but a sunburn and a buzz
My wife had me a few choice words
Some of them I’ve never heard
And not a single one of them was love

(repeat chorus)

BRIDGE
Now I’m not blamin them for all my problems
I can cause enough all by myself
But when it comes to getting into trouble
Its more fun getting in with someone else

(repeat chorus)

Hey Eddie Ray...did you hang out with Dawg er sumthin?? This is definitely a good one. I had trouble picking up the rhythm in it but if you have music then I am not gonna worry about it. I loved the second half of the second verse. One place I have a suggestion for you is the last line of the bridge:
It's SURE more fun with someone else
The "gettin' in" sounds awkward like you left out part of the thought. Could just be me since I can see you are repeating the getting INTO from the line above..but without the INTO..it seems unfinished.

Bobbie

This line also seems to be missing a word or something:
But together always find ways to no good

Thank you Bobbie
I felt like this was pretty solid but had questions on the bridge and I know you're right about the other line too. When I tweak this you may recognize the fixes
Thanks

Hi Eddie,

I loved the second half of the first verse, really vivid and fun imagery!

Got some condensing and flow suggestions for ya regarding the bridge. Seems smoother read like this:

Now I’m not blamin them for all my problems
I (can-DELETE) cause enough all by myself
But when it comes to getting into trouble
Its more fun (getting in-DELETE) with someone else

It's always more difficult critiquing a "music man's " lyric cause there's usually music to go with it in the head of the writer that sounds better than it actually reads. I'm not saying it's a tough read, it was a FUN one, for sure, just had a little trouble with catchin a rhythm, like Bobbie.

Neat idea!
Tink

Tink
Thank you so much for stoppin by. Haven't considered myself much of a "music-man" lately but this one seems to giddy-up alright. Even had a guitarist start puttin it down for me. (just wasn't right on my piano)
Bobbie likes second half of verse two...you like second half of verse one. Now if I can get a couple more people to like the first halves, then tweak the bridge as you two suggested... I might be on my way to a winner
sure do appreciate your time and help!

Ray

Didn't ring my bell Ray. I feel it would be better served with a bit more on the fishing exploits rather than the big front the missus section.
I think that would go bettre as a one or two line punch.
Regards.
Graham

------------------
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/grahamhenderson_music.htm

Graham...thanks for the honest feed. your input is valued and appreciated.

Ray

Hey Ray,

Enjoyed this one. Seems this one would be a hit with the ladies cause you know this has happened quite a bit (at least at my house)and boy do the boys hate to admit it!

Tink's suggestions made it easier for me to read.

Fun read!
dee

Thanks Dee
sure is a whole bunch easier to keep on the straight and narrow without a bunch of good timin buddies tuggin at ya...personally I just make sure my chores are all done BEFORE I go out

thanks again
Ray

Hi Ray,

Seems all boys are the same. No matter their age I found Tink's Suggestion easier to read also. I'd like to hear the music for this, think it might be fun ... Cheers Trudi

Hi Trudi
yeah Tink's way is an easier read than mine...I just gotta see if I can sing it!
Boys ARE all the same...the key is findin one who admits it
Thank you for stoppin by

Ray