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Joined: Jul 2001
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Short, Sweet, Simple... Probably Pop or The Wilkinson's Country... I got an attack of a muse on my back! If My Diary Could Talk Cindy Miller © 2002 VERSE If my diary could talk I’d keep the covers closed up tight Some secrets shouldn’t be told Like what I wrote to you last night VERSE If my diary could talk I’d swear none of it was true I’d never admit to writing “I wanna be ‘Mrs. You-Know-who’” BRIDGE This dear diary, Means the world to me It keeps my secrets every day But I was wishin Maybe you’d listen To what my diary has to say VERSE If my diary could talk Then maybe you’d wanna hear How much somebody loves you And how she’s someone near VERSE If my diary could talk I’d take my heart from my sleeve And put it in your gentle hands Hoping you’d fall in love with me BRIDGE This dear diary, Means the world to me It keeps my secrets every day But I was wishin Maybe you’d listen To what my diary has to say [This message has been edited by TINK (edited 06-08-2002).]
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Joined: Feb 2002
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Hi, Cindy! I enjoyed the read, but it was throwing conflicting messages to my brain -- she doesn't want it to talk, yet she'd like him to listen-- she'd totally deny any of it, yet she wants him to know how she feels. Maybe that was what you were going for. Just a little confusingto me. ------------------ Mary Lou
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Hey Mary Lou As is a woman's prerogative (as you know ) We women tend to change our minds on a dime. And she's saying she'd deny it... unless maybe he wanted to hear all those things. She's kinda testing the waters, so to speak. Glad you enjoyed the read. Nothin too deep, just a lil sumthin! Thanks!! Tink
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Well Tink,
you and Weinerdog seem to be writin for the same age group, just different sexes.<g>
Cute, fun lil bubblegum number.
dawg
Wisdom does not always accompany age. Sometimes age just shows up alone.
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Yeah, this is a bit contradictory, Tink, but your explanation is fine. The only nit I have ("only"?! ) is that you should say "It keeps my secrets every day" in the chorus. Nice job! Keep that muse musin'! Anthony
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Hey Dawggy!! Thanks for poppin in (pun intended!) to this lil bubblegum party! See ya in a few days!!! Tink
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Tink, cute little lyric...find the chorus a bit redundant to the verses as a whole...since your hook is leading the verses out, you don't need a chorus...turn that chorus in to one whale of a contralateral bridge about changing your mind and wanting him to know what you've written there. Just a suggestion, keep or sweep.
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Hi Anthony... If yer back lookin.. well, then you're a voyeur Actually, I hope you're looking (cause I'm a twisted individual... ) Must be Friday, and I must be indulging in a silver bullet! What was I saying... oh yeh, if you're looking, you'll see I took your suggestions cause I thought they were good! Thank you for lookin, likin, and sayin so! Now excuse me while I pull the blinds... Tink
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Joined: Jul 2001
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Sweet, Tink, yes. My daughter keeps an online diary, one of those anonymous BLOG things where she puts out her thoughts for the world to see, but no ID. Changes the whole idea of a diary, doesn't it? I just discovered she's a budding poet of sorts, too, and a mighty talented one. I can see her in this. And that's a nice sight! Thanks! You always find a way... ------------------ www.thelyricfactory.com
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Joined: Aug 2001
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I like this, Tink. I would say "at times I'm wishin/Maybe you COULD listen" in the bridge. Can't see much else I'd edit tho'. Looks good!
Ward
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Hey Tink....yep, S.S.S. for sure; looks solid. Just a suggestion or two:
This dear diary, Means the world to me It keeps my secrets every day [BUT]At times I'm wishin Maybe you’d listen To what my diary has to say
I think that helps take care of the contradictory thing.
Only other thing was I wasn't sure what this was referring too:
I’d keep the covers closed up tight
Is covers the bed covers? Or the cover of the diary? Maybe LOCKED if it's not the bed covers would help explain it a bit better.
Otherwise a nice story too!
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The voyeur (hey, by your definition, not mine!) likes what he sees. That little fix makes a lotta difference. Anthony
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Mornin Sharon, Originally when I wrote this, I had that chorus as a bridge and was going for an AABA structured lyric, but then that last four lines popped up and I decided to make it a chorus. Guess I should stick with my first instincts. I did go back to calling it a bridge now. Thanks for confirming my instincts, Sharon!! Tink
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Tinkala..
I thought they called 'em "journals" these daze !
I think in todays world it oughta say "be with you know who" instead of marry...
or Hell...get real and say "DO you know who !"...screw you know who.....Jeez..I can really destroy a mood huh...
This is cute and innocent...kinda like ME !
Bobsie !
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Joined: May 2002
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Good morning Cindy, I thought this was cute fun and I like the contradictory directions.Look! No, don't look! I have watched people throw out lines to the opposite sex and if they are received well, they continue on...if not, they blow it off as a joke. Ladies ain't the only ones changin their minds! I've never done it, mind you, but...Nice job, Tony
[This message has been edited by Perfectpitch (edited 06-08-2002).]
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Do girls still keep diaries?
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