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#274816 - 06/07/02 02:58 PM If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Cindy Miller Offline
Top 100 Poster
Cindy Miller  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Harlan, Iowa U.S.A.
Short, Sweet, Simple... Probably Pop or The Wilkinson's Country... [Linked Image]

I got an attack of a muse on my back! [Linked Image]

If My Diary Could Talk
Cindy Miller
2002

VERSE
If my diary could talk
Id keep the covers closed up tight
Some secrets shouldnt be told
Like what I wrote to you last night

VERSE
If my diary could talk
Id swear none of it was true
Id never admit to writing
I wanna be Mrs. You-Know-who

BRIDGE [Linked Image]
This dear diary,
Means the world to me
It keeps my secrets every day
But I was wishin
Maybe youd listen
To what my diary has to say

VERSE
If my diary could talk
Then maybe youd wanna hear
How much somebody loves you
And how shes someone near

VERSE
If my diary could talk
Id take my heart from my sleeve
And put it in your gentle hands
Hoping youd fall in love with me

BRIDGE [Linked Image]
This dear diary,
Means the world to me
It keeps my secrets every day
But I was wishin
Maybe youd listen
To what my diary has to say

[This message has been edited by TINK (edited 06-08-2002).]


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=29337
#274817 - 06/07/02 03:14 PM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,116
Mary Lou Sudkamp Offline
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Mary Lou Sudkamp  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,116
Alexandria, KY USA
Hi, Cindy! I enjoyed the read, but it was throwing conflicting messages to my brain -- she doesn't want it to talk, yet she'd like him to listen-- she'd totally deny any of it, yet she wants him to know how she feels. Maybe that was what you were going for. Just a little confusingto me. [Linked Image]

------------------
Mary Lou

#274818 - 06/07/02 04:20 PM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Cindy Miller Offline
Top 100 Poster
Cindy Miller  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Harlan, Iowa U.S.A.
Hey Mary Lou

As is a woman's prerogative (as you know [Linked Image] ) We women tend to change our minds on a dime. And she's saying she'd deny it... unless maybe he wanted to hear all those things. She's kinda testing the waters, so to speak.

Glad you enjoyed the read. Nothin too deep, just a lil sumthin! Thanks!!
[Linked Image] Tink


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=29337
#274819 - 06/07/02 05:09 PM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,389
Corky Bernard (D) Offline
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Corky Bernard (D)  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,389
Nashville, Tn.
Well Tink,

you and Weinerdog seem to be writin for the same age group, just different sexes.<g>

Cute, fun lil bubblegum number.

dawg


Wisdom does not always accompany age. Sometimes
age just shows up alone.
#274820 - 06/07/02 07:52 PM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,430
Anthony Torres Offline
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Anthony Torres  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,430
Belleville, Michigan, USA
Yeah, this is a bit contradictory, Tink, but your explanation is fine. The only nit I have ("only"?! [Linked Image] ) is that you should say "It keeps my secrets every day" in the chorus. Nice job! Keep that muse musin'! [Linked Image]

Anthony

#274821 - 06/07/02 08:31 PM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Cindy Miller Offline
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Cindy Miller  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Harlan, Iowa U.S.A.
Hey Dawggy!!

Thanks for poppin in (pun intended!) to this lil bubblegum party!

See ya in a few days!!!

[Linked Image] Tink


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=29337
#274822 - 06/07/02 08:32 PM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 2,290
Sharon I. Wells Offline
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Sharon I. Wells  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 2,290
Fairview, Ks. USA
Tink, cute little lyric...find the chorus a bit redundant to the verses as a whole...since your hook is leading the verses out, you don't need a chorus...turn that chorus in to one whale of a contralateral bridge about changing your mind and wanting him to know what you've written there. Just a suggestion, keep or sweep.

#274823 - 06/07/02 09:52 PM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Cindy Miller Offline
Top 100 Poster
Cindy Miller  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Harlan, Iowa U.S.A.
Hi Anthony...

If yer back lookin.. well, then you're a voyeur [Linked Image] Actually, I hope you're looking (cause I'm a twisted individual... [Linked Image] ) Must be Friday, and I must be indulging in a silver bullet!

What was I saying... oh yeh, if you're looking, you'll see I took your suggestions cause I thought they were good! Thank you for lookin, likin, and sayin so!

Now excuse me while I pull the blinds...

[Linked Image] Tink


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=29337
#274824 - 06/07/02 10:01 PM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 874
Michael Thomas Ellis Offline
Serious Contributor
Michael Thomas Ellis  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 874
Bemidji, MN
Sweet, Tink, yes. My daughter keeps an online diary, one of those anonymous BLOG things where she puts out her thoughts for the world to see, but no ID. Changes the whole idea of a diary, doesn't it? I just discovered she's a budding poet of sorts, too, and a mighty talented one. I can see her in this. And that's a nice sight! [Linked Image] Thanks! You always find a way... [Linked Image]

------------------
www.thelyricfactory.com

#274825 - 06/08/02 02:00 AM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 123
Ward Offline
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Ward  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 123
I like this, Tink. I would say "at times I'm wishin/Maybe you COULD listen" in the bridge. Can't see much else I'd edit tho'. Looks good!

Ward

#274826 - 06/08/02 03:44 AM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 4,528
Blake Hill Offline
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Blake Hill  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 4,528
dallas, texas usa
Hey Tink....yep, S.S.S. for sure; looks solid. Just a suggestion or two:

This dear diary,
Means the world to me
It keeps my secrets every day
[BUT]At times I'm wishin
Maybe youd listen
To what my diary has to say

I think that helps take care of the contradictory thing.

Only other thing was I wasn't sure what this was referring too:

Id keep the covers closed up tight

Is covers the bed covers? Or the cover of the diary? Maybe LOCKED if it's not the bed covers would help explain it a bit better.

Otherwise a nice story too!

#274827 - 06/08/02 07:03 AM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,430
Anthony Torres Offline
Top 100 Poster
Anthony Torres  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,430
Belleville, Michigan, USA
The voyeur (hey, by your definition, not mine!) likes what he sees. That little fix makes a lotta difference. [Linked Image]

Anthony

#274828 - 06/08/02 01:03 PM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Cindy Miller Offline
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Cindy Miller  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,178
Harlan, Iowa U.S.A.
Mornin Sharon,

Originally when I wrote this, I had that chorus as a bridge and was going for an AABA structured lyric, but then that last four lines popped up and I decided to make it a chorus. Guess I should stick with my first instincts. I did go back to calling it a bridge now. Thanks for confirming my instincts, Sharon!!

[Linked Image] Tink


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=29337
#274829 - 06/08/02 01:15 PM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,372
Bob Young (D) Offline
Top 100 Poster
Bob Young (D)  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,372
chicago il usa
Tinkala..

I thought they called 'em "journals" these daze !

I think in todays world it oughta say "be with you know who" instead of marry...

or Hell...get real and say "DO you know who !"...screw you know who.....Jeez..I can really destroy a mood huh...


This is cute and innocent...kinda like ME !


Bobsie !

#274830 - 06/08/02 01:24 PM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S)  
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 509
Perfectpitch Offline
Serious Contributor
Perfectpitch  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 509
Indianapolis,IN USA
Good morning Cindy,
I thought this was cute fun and I like the contradictory directions.Look! No, don't look! I have watched people throw out lines to the opposite sex and if they are received well, they continue on...if not, they blow it off as a joke. Ladies ain't the only ones changin their minds! I've never done it, mind you, but...Nice job,
Tony

[This message has been edited by Perfectpitch (edited 06-08-2002).]

#1120776 - 12/10/16 12:41 AM Re: If My Diary Could Talk (S.S.S) [Re: Cindy Miller]  
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Jim Colyer Offline
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Jim Colyer  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Nashville, Tennessee usa
Do girls still keep diaries?


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