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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 59
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 59 |
This one is very different to what I usually write, must have been the mood I was in.
Slow Dance(the whole night away) (2000) musicmaker4eva
Would you hold me tonight If the feelin was right Would you ask me if I was for real And if you asked me my dear can I buy you a beer I'd say honey I've been thirsty all night
If you buy me a beer I'll let you settle down here So we can both share some good company
Sugar sing me a song While the music plays on And I'll sing you a song of my own Then if the mood is just right I'll let you draw me in tight So we can dance to our own melody
(chorus) Will you buy me a beer And I'll lend you an ear So you can sing all your troubles away And if I buy you a beer would you usher me near So we can slow dance the whole night away
Will I see you again Can I call you a friend Can you call me if you find the time If you remember the place and the music's to taste Pull me in and let the slow dance begin
If you buy me a beer I'll let you settle down here So we can both share some good company
May I kiss you goodnight Under the silvery light Of the mooon and the star spangled sky Now from the look in your eyes Darlin it's no surprise That were praying for this all along
(chorus) Will you buy me a beer And I'll lend you an ear So you can sing all your troubles away And if I buy you a beer would you usher me near So we can slow dance the whole night away
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 13,618
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 13,618 |
What I woul;d have a go at here ois starting this off with something like. Would like to share a beer or two with me. Maybe even go out for a meal. Currently this feel a bit like you have started in the middle Renee. Not sure if the sing me a song isn't a bit over the top. It seems to be crowding the hook line out to me. Regards. Graham ------------------ http://artists3.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Graham_Henderson/
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,675
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,675 |
Hi! You have some neat stuff going on in here! But, I find the title/hook competes with "Buy Me A Beer". To me, the two don't seem to mix very well. And, the story seems a little long. Easy for me to say; I've written my share of long ones! Ha! One other idea, by using the line "buy me a beer" in the verses and elsewhere you've diluted it's effect in the chorus?
Hope it helps! Ron
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 59
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 59 |
Hi Graham, I see what you mean about starting in the middle, it just seemed to come out that way. I was writing it late into the night so probably wasn't thinking too clearly, like I said this one was a long way from what I usually punch out. Thanks again Renee
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 59
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 59 |
Hi Ron, Thanks for your reply, I value you positive response (about my neat stuff) I thank you for pointing out how the buy me a beer phrase confuses things and after reading it again I agree. I don't exactly mix drinking beer with slow dancing myself, then again I don't know many guys who slow dance at all.(gee I'm deprived)
Thanks again renee
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
My only nit is the word "dear." I cringe every time I see or hear it in a song.
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