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#267962 - 04/23/02 07:00 PM Seattle  
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 842
unwanted_guitarist Offline
Serious Contributor
unwanted_guitarist  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 842
San Antonio, TX USA
“Seattle” (c) 2002, Jesse Bauman

I don’t like what my life has become
I want to go back to where it had all begun
I don’t want things this way
I just want to get away… to where I belong

Seattle
I’m coming home
Seattle
I’m on my way
Seattle
Will you welcome me?

Some people say I run away
From all my problems
But they don’t know one thing
About me
I don’t want to lose all I have
I just want to begin my happiness…where I belong.

Seattle
Do you miss me?
Seattle
I’m almost there
Seattle
Do you even care?

(Guitar Solo)

I’m falling away
I’m no longer safe
Being with myself
I need to run away
Seattle why cant you just come to me?


Rockito Ergo Sum
#267963 - 04/24/02 10:07 PM Re: Seattle  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 1,605
Ashleigh Wehmeyer Offline
Ashleigh Wehmeyer  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 1,605
Fort Hood, TX
Hey Jesse,

I think you have good bones here for this song, but it lacks some substance. This song makes me want to ask why???? Why does he feel this way? Where is he know? Why Seattle, orther than it's home? I want details!!! [Linked Image] I hope this helps.

Ashleigh

#267964 - 04/25/02 01:10 AM Re: Seattle  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 853
Curtis Cameron Offline
Serious Contributor
Curtis Cameron  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 853
Poulsbo, WA
Hi Jesse,

Well, I live in the Seattle area, and I used to live in Texas, so I guess I know where you're comin' from [Linked Image]

This pretty good, and I like the simple chorus.

I think Asleigh makes a good point. It might be missing a little something.

Mostly I think it needs a little imagery to help people identify with the place the singer is in, both physically (Texas) and emotionally (unsatisfied). If you could compare the two it might work.

What I mean is if you could draw a parallel between where the singer is, and how it makes him /her feel, and compare that to Seattle, and how Seattle makes the singer feel, the listener could really relate to this song. I think we've all felt this way before.

Seattle is has been the home to a whole lot of talented songwriters, and there is a pretty decent music scene around here, especially for the younger generation.

I sometimes go to the city and walk the streets until the middle of the night, and I normally come home with at least one song. I call those songs my Streets of Seattle Songs.

I'll include one here to show you what I mean about the use imagery which portrays emotion... I don't think your song is about this type of thing, but the idea behind the imagery is the same. This is from the viewpoint of a person who chooses to live on the streets.

Good luck your song Jesse. If you get to Seattle drop me a line, maybe we can get together.

Curtis


Wall Of Brick
© 2001 Curtis Cameron

Verse 1:
This WALL OF BRICK behind me
Presses cold against my back
The winds that blow against me
Have driven through it’s cracks

But shelter, like my fortune
Is, oh so hard to find
So I shiver on this sidewalk
And slowly… lose my mind

Verse: 2
This WALL OF BRICK behind me
Shares what scars a street can give
The lights that shine can’t find me
‘Cause they lost me as kid

And darkness brings no fortune
But can be a welcome friend
As I shiver on this sidewalk
With no purpose… To no end

Bridge
And as the people pass
They see me standing here
I see the pain behind their eyes
And I can sense their fear

They chase their holy dreams
While they hide their guilty eyes
Oh, but for the Grace of God…
There go I

Oh, but for the Grace of God…
There go I

Verse 3:
THIS WALL OF BRICK behind me
Stands alone, it’s just like me
And if you come you’ll find me
I’ll be completely free

I’ll sing you songs of sorrow
Of life outside alone
Of faith found in tomorrow
And this WALL OF BRICK… my home

#267965 - 04/25/02 09:45 AM Re: Seattle  
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 842
unwanted_guitarist Offline
Serious Contributor
unwanted_guitarist  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 842
San Antonio, TX USA
thank you both for your comments on this. I totally agree with both of you and when I get the time I will get a re-write done. I think I am going to Seattle this summer. I was born there and I love it. And I love and miss the rain even though people say Seattle wheather is depressing I like it and it makes me happy. Thank you both again.


Rockito Ergo Sum
#267966 - 04/25/02 10:02 AM Re: Seattle  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,232
Judy Hollier Offline
Top 200 Poster
Judy Hollier  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,232
Sydney, Australia
Jesse, just wanted to say hi and let you know that Ashleigh and Curtis may be right that this one needs a little bit more, but there's no mistaking your talent for getting emotion into your words. This is a good effort in my opinion. Keep them coming.
Cheers, Judy

#267967 - 04/26/02 02:32 PM Re: Seattle  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
Kaley Willow Offline
Kaley Willow  Offline

Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
PA
Jesse,

I can't always comment...but do read your songs. I think you are showing progress
and this is a very good BASE for a rewrite..
It's a Universal concept...wanting..to go
where we think we'll find comfort....

Hope you get to go home to Seattle and build
upon your dreams...

Kaley [Linked Image]

#267968 - 04/26/02 03:21 PM Re: Seattle  
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,372
Bob Young (D) Offline
Top 100 Poster
Bob Young (D)  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,372
chicago il usa
Hey Jesse..

I'm gonna disagree with my talented colleagues but before I do..I'm gonna agree with one of them..

Kaley mentioned seeing a development of growth in your writing..I heartily agree with that !

When I read this, I really get the feeling that I understand just what you're feeling..that's a real good thing. What that means to me is that you're learning to convey feeling thru words...the heart of what we're all trying to do..
Congratulations !

Now to the lyric itself...

I will disagree with others in that when I was far away fromn home..on the road..feeling like my life was not going as it should..being depressed or whatever..I just wanted to go home !
I didn't need to paint a picture of home in my mind..I didn't need "details"..I just wanted to go home.. period !
What I'm saying is that I think describing your own bummed out feelings as you've done here, is enough to make you want to get back home..Seattle in your case.

This is good writing Jesse..shows real growth and maturity..

Very good young man !

Bob

This lyric is just about ready for music and a lucky singer in my opinion..

#267969 - 04/26/02 08:38 PM Re: Seattle  
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 842
unwanted_guitarist Offline
Serious Contributor
unwanted_guitarist  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 842
San Antonio, TX USA
thanks bob. And yes it not only is ready for being done but is going to be recorded in a week by my band...Rugburn. dumb band name but hey we dont care. It will take about a month to get the cd done and then I will put it up on mp3.com so i will let everyone in the forum know about that. Thanks for advice to everyone and opinions. Later


Rockito Ergo Sum
#1123781 - 02/06/17 01:16 PM Re: Seattle [Re: unwanted_guitarist]  
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Jim Colyer Offline
Top 30 Poster
Jim Colyer  Offline
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Nashville, Tennessee usa
Someone would have to pay me a lot of money to go to Seattle.


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