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Sort of Lone Starish, pop country type song.


ALWAYS HERE
By: Glen King
c.2002
1st. verse:
I watch you drive away
Down a long dark highway,
Might as well be taking off
For someplace on the moon,
Don’t know if you’ll
Ever be back my way,
Maybe, we got tangled up
In love....too soon:
Lift:
But, even as the space between us grows
There’s one thing that I think you ought to know:

Chorus:
You are Always Here
Always in my heart
Whether near or far
You are in my memory....
Even though our bodies
May be miles apart,
You are Always Here
Always in the soul of me:

2nd. Verse:
I hear a whipporwill
Crying in the distance,
Sounds as if he’s given up
Too lovesick to go on,
Don’t know if he’ll
Ever find another,
But, baby, tho we’re by ourselves
You’re still....not gone:
No Lift:
Chorus:

You are Always Here
Always in my heart
Whether near or far
You are in my memory....
Even though our bodies
May be miles apart,
You are Always Here
Always in the soul of me:

Bridge:
Your voice across the wire
Is the sweetest sound I've heard,
Can almost feel you touch me
When you whisper these words:

Chorus:

You are Always Here
Always in my heart
Whether near or far
You are in my memory....
Even though our bodies
May be miles apart,
You are Always Here
Always in the soul of me:




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"Music is the speech of angels" T. Carlyle 1795-1881
Glen King
http://www.angelspeech.com

Beautifullll....

Whether near or far
You are in my memory....
Even though our bodies
May be miles apart,
You are Always Here
Always in the soul of me

Glen... you sure can write em!!

Tink

Hello Glen! Well I finaly get to critique a song and can't find much wrong with it, lol. This is looking pretty good to me. The only thing that bothers me here is your bridge. The voice across the wire thing doesn't work for me. The reason being I don't think it's the sweetest sound he's heard. Surely in person is better. Small nit but had to let it out, lol. Pretty song!


David

Hi Glen.....

This is really a lovely song....and the bridge is just great. Verse 1 does a good set-up, however I was a little lost on Verse 2. Having the first 6 lines on the whipporwill and then jumping back to the relationship for the last two lines....didn't work for me. I see the tie in when I think about it, but had to think to get it.

Overall, good work!



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http://artists2.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Sharon_Longworth/

Thanks for the feedback:
Wirdaz: Actually, there is no difference in rhyme scheme. In verse one its moon/soon (four and eight line) and in verse two its on/gone (four and eight line).
Thanks Tink for the kind words.
Hotrod: It would be the sweetest sound if you thought you'd never hear from someone again.
Sunny: you are absolutely right. I have rewritten that verse many times trying to find the right way to say what I intended. Have to give it another go. thanks.

------------------
"Music is the speech of angels" T. Carlyle 1795-1881
Glen King
http://www.angelspeech.com

G'day Silver Kat, Gee I can relate to your song. I travelled to many far distant places as a professional Salesman and was away from my loving wife and family for weeks and sometimes two months at a time. I think this song has a lot going for it. best wishes, Ray in Australia.

Glen: Definitely a Lonestar-ish kind of song. Coupla nits. In the chorus, "near or far" seemed a bit predictable. And "even though our bodies may be miles apart" - I don't know. Something about the word "bodies" there isn't working for me. Sounds too clinical or something. V2 didn't add enough to the story, IMO. Oops, that was 3 nits, not a couple. False advertising. Sorry. Hope some of it helps.

Ricki

Glen this is truly lovely! Very radio friendly. Great imagery. I did get lost on verse 2 and had to read it over and over. Could be I'm just slow tonight. In the line:

But baby thought we're by ourselves

It seems as if the WE is referring to the singer and the whipporwill? Seems unlikely that is what you intended. Probably just some minor re-wording could clear up. I really like the whipporwill image. Keep it but just don't devote so many lines to that bird!

Hey there Mr. Glen. I like this; i'm not sure on comparing a whipporwhill with being lovesick will work; but think you've already gotten some good suggestions; that was the only thing that stood out to me.

Beautiful.....loved it

Take care,
Amelia

Hi Glen,

Wish I could help you as much as you helped me, but it seems that the nits (that I would have missed anyway) are all taken care of. So, I'll just wait to listen and enjoy this. Nice job! Clark

Glen, looks pretty good -- the nits I had have already been covered, so don't want to harp on them. I was kind of thrown off with the chorus rhyme for a minute, too, but then I figured it out -- takes me a minute! Good luck on this one.

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Mary Lou

I made it you're in that memoory line of the chorus to get my metre right here Glen.
Sorta like a country version of my All Alone Blues. Like the idea and should go Ok.
Opening really felt like i she's gone for good song though and wonder if this need s a look at.
Regards.
Graham


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http://artists3.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Graham_Henderson/

Hi, Glen!
I'm glad I waited so I could look at this more carefully. At first I thought it was a temporary liason and then I didn't understand the wire thing. But taking my time to read more carefully I realized that the problem is resolved by the significant other calling the singer saying he or she feels the same way about him.

I don't mind the plaintive cry of the whipporwill. After all he or she is standing outside watching the other drive away and the plaintive cry of the bird reflects the feeling of the singer. I think it is suitable.

Verse 1 has too many ways in it.

Adjust the lift a little. He's telling her what he wants her to know AFTER she's driven away.

Bridge:
The bridge is pretty good but it would help the listener if you gave some sort of time reference, Like the next day or something.

I am wondering how the verses would be if the singer talks about his/her loved one in 3rd person rather than to him or her in second person.

The chorus does need some work. Maybe the chorus could reflect the singers thoughts, wondering if the significant other will keep the singer in his or her heart as well. Maybe add the thought about the distance not being that far if they keep each other in their hearts. I don't know exactly what to suggest but it does need something more there.

Anyway, just some thoughts …

JeanB

PS: I forgot to tell you that I liked the imagery and the concept of the song. I have to start remembering to talk about the best things first. Sorry.



[This message has been edited by JeanB (edited 04-21-2002).]

Glen..

in that 2d verse..

"I hear a whipporwill
Crying his lonesome song"

Same syllable count so it should match your melody...
Whipporwill and lonesome are a nice homage to Hank's "I'm so lonesome I could cry"without being a direct copy..
ending with song sets up a neighborhood rhyme with on two lines later..

I dunno.

nice song here buddy !

Bob

Howdy Kat!

2nd Lift Line'd condense easier-sung to:
"There's one thing I think you should know"

LAST Chorus Line kinda Bleeds Away your Rhyme Scheme, and the "Always in My Heart" line that Initially Worked So Well probably oughta be RE-Hit, JMO...

Last line of 2nd Verse, try:
"You're never..really gone"

Bridge Last Line (on a ROLL Here today..)
"When you're whispering these words" :-)>

The "Bodies Line" in the Chorus...Hmmm...try:
"Even though we're living
maybe Many Miles Apart...."

Keep or Sweep'm, Kat!
Allus Fun Hintin' on The Master's Stuff..heh-heh!

"KUDOS" & Good Luck with it,
Stan