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Joined: Jan 2001
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Wow we've been working on this one forever so we're pleased to finally be able to post it up for comments. It's changed some sice it's original form. Who could you hear singing this??? I Wish Mommy Could Come Home (c)2001 Janice Messer/Pam Hurley/Paul Evans Pederson, Jr. http://www.soundclick.com/bands/Music.cfm?BandID=8916 The first year is the hardest our friends keep telling me I've lost all track of time since I lost Marie Drifting through a raging storm desperate for the calm Anchored by a little girl who looks just like her Mom How do I reassure her, we will be ok What do you tell a five year old when you hear her say How long will Mommy be in heaven Is it really really far Can we take a plane to get there Or could we drive our car Can we write her a letter Or call her on the phone Daddy I miss her so much I wish Mommy could come home I'm searching for the answers to the questions in her eyes I need strength and wisdom when she asks me why On my knees I'm praying for help to ease her hurt It's too late for a miracle so Lord please bless my words Watching my daughter stare up at the sky Tryin' to hold it together while it tears me up inside How can I protect her and keep her fears away What do you tell a five-year old when you hear her say Repeat Chorus- Daddy I miss her so much I wish Mommy could come home I wish Mommy could come home I wish Mommy could come home
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,280
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This is very touching, in fact a real heart tugger. No crits Pam and my only observation is that maybe and this is only a maybe, it could be speeded up just a touch. Gerry ------------------ http://www.ampcast.com/Gerry
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,316
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Hi Pam.
This is nice. Possible Susie Luchsinger would be interested in this. The lyrics could be left in first person and changed to "I Wish Daddy Could Come Home" OR it could be changed to 3rd person so a female could sing it.
Vondelle
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 1,512
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Gerry thanks so much for taking the time to listen. I believe you had also heard the previous versions so your support means a lot to us!! Vondelle thanks for listening and for your helpful suggestions!
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 784
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Hi J, P, and P, This was really nice, and the melody itself is very pretty, but I'm not sure it captures the emotion of the lyric, IMHO. I guess I was expecting something a little different from reading the lyric, and I remember how much I liked this lyric when it was posted so long ago. The lyric was very moving then, and it still is, but I'm just not sure about the marriage between it and the music. Could very well just be me, so unless someone else brings it up, I wouldn't fret too much. I don't know if Paul's doing the singing or someone else, but I hear George Jones all throught the song. Great voice! Overall, there is a lot to like about this one, and I wish you all the best of luck with it!! ------------------ My music: www.soundclick.com/bands/timkeesee_music.htm
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Tim thanks so much for listening and posting. I have been away from the board for a while so it made me feel really good that you remembered our original post. I am not a musician but I am sure Paul takes each and every opinion and suggestion very seriously so we thank you for you thoughts. Yeah, he sure does have that George Jones sound for sure.
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Joined: Jul 2002
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Joined: Jul 2002
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great vocals love good country!
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Thanks so much for listening Michael. Glad you appreciated Paul's amazing vocal talent. The three of us appreciate your time and kind words. Janice
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 4,297
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Pam, Janice & Paul, Loved the great lyric/story writing, very touching! I remember seeing the lyrics posted somewhere a while back, maybe the JPF lyrics awards or at one of the lyric forums? Anyway, I liked this from the first time I saw it and now the music really brings it alive. The vocals casting for this demo is excellent. Two suggestions: either add some percussion and a few fiddle or slide guitar licks to help this move along; or consider speeding up the tempo a bit, maybe by around 4 to 6 beats per minute. If this could come in at 3 1/2 minutes it'd be the perfect length for a demo and/or airplay. God bless! Michael
There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself. -- Johann Sebastian Bach MichaelBorges.comLicenseQuote.com
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Michael thank you so much for taking the time to listen and respond. Yes, we did post the original lyric at JPF well over a year ago. This one has required a lot of extra work and has changed a bit since then. I am sure Paul will appreciate your thoughtful suggestions. Janice BTW I have tried to listen to your posted collab with Glen but I am having a player problem at the moment. I did read the lyrics and it is one of Glen's best. I am sure the music is just as special so I will try again.
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Joined: Mar 2002
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Pam, Bump! Thanks for confirming that I remember having read this before. Matter of fact, I remember having read this to my wife (Lorie) and we BOTH really liked this one, even before you had it all "fixed up"! LOL
Regards, Michael
------------------ If I can right a human wrong, Or help to make someone strong, If I can cheer with a smile or song, Lord help me thrive where I belong!
There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself. -- Johann Sebastian Bach MichaelBorges.comLicenseQuote.com
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 119
Serious Contributor
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 119 |
Hi Pam, Janice, and Paul, These words blew me away. Very, very, heart-wrenching, I nearly cried just reading them. The chorus is perfect, exactly what I would expect to hear from a child who does not yet understand the totallity of death. This touched me deeply. Now for the bad news. I think your melody kills this song. It is simple and predictable and a little too common sounding IMHO...please do not take offense, but I was totally turned off to the song by it. It draws the song out so much that it seems to take forever to get to your hook, and if I was listening to the song for the first time without any indication of what it was going to be about, you would have lost me as a listener before the first verse was over. Again, no offense intended, just a little tough love. I think there is still work to be done here musically. As far as the lyrics go, they are absolutely flawless. Beautiful read, simply stunning. Best of luck to all of you with this one. ------------------ Natwww.soundclick.com/nataliealberts
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Michael, thanks for checking in again!! Natalie thank you so much for your very kind words. As you might know, this one has been in the works for a long time and has NOT been an easy one. We continue to make changes and adjustments so your honest opinions are MOST welcome. Your thoughts and suggestions are certainly appreciated! Janice
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Joined: Jan 2002
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Hi Pam, This is breath takingly beautiful.Wow. God Bless ClaireJeanne http://www.soundclick.com/bands/claireandrick.htm [This message has been edited by clairejeanne (edited 02-14-2003).]
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