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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 22
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 22 |
I submitted another song Last Friday that didn't receive any comments and I am trying to figure if that means nobody liked it? Well, Here's a new one:
Don't Do Me Wrong By Cris Beffort © 2000
I'm looking for a man to set me free Someone that is not afraid of me Will you be the one to take my hand Pull me from the grip of all this sand
(Chorus) Don't do me wrong Cause its been way too long Waiting for a man to pull me free Looking, Searching Body Hurtin Every bone that’s in my body says That I can't No way Got to Go, Hey Quicksands pullin, whats so hard to see Quicksands pullin, won't let go of me
Grab my hand, what are you waiting for You always said that you wanted more I don't think that I can't free myself My love is yours for just a little help
(Chorus)
I'm not sure whats been on your mind Can't you see I'm running out of time Grab my hand, cause I'm the one for you I'm counting on your love to pull me thru
(Chorus)
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 228
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 228 |
hi Chris i gather you are female--pkau--I' sometimes get on here and go hogwild--
I thought "grab" was a mite harsh and I also thought you ought to have quicksand in there sooner--even as the title--for a grabber? i did this rather roughly? Make any sense?
cheers Mae Quicksand?
1.) You're the man who will set me free A man who's not afraid of me The one who can see, and take my hand Whose strength will pull me from this grip of sand.
CH) Quicksand's pullin, can't you see Quicksand's pullin, won't let go of me Don't do me wrong Cause it's been way too long Waiting for a man to pull me free Looking, Searching Body Hurtin Every bone in my body says That I can't No way Got to Go, Hey
2.) Take my hand, don't wait no more You're the man I've been waiting for I can't seem to free myself My love is for you, no one else.
(Chorus)
I'm not sure what's been on your mind Can't you see I'm short of time Take my hand, cause I'm the one for you I'm counting on your love to pull me thru
(Chorus)
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 360
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 360 |
Hey Cris. I liked this. I thought it was a little rough in some spots, but I thought Mae did a great job with what she did. I also would change the title to "Quicksand's Pullin". I think it stands out a little more. Nice job though.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 22
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 22 |
Thanks Maye for the reply - Your attention to a posting is admirable - I appreciate the feedback. I like the new arrangement better then the original - I'll work on it some more. By the way I am a Guy - sometimes I like to write from another perspective because thats the way the song feels like it need to go!
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
Not many things worse than sinking in quicksand.
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,222
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,222 |
cris impressive lyrical arrangement by mae... she should be a part of this lyrics when melody is added. just a suggestion try to add some bridge to your song like this one
cant move on if i try the more i sink the only way is to hold my hand and pull me up in this quicksand
goodluck
lynman
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