Song I'm working on

#1174180 - 02/19/21 03:21 PM Song I'm working on
Joined: Nov 2019 Posts: 22 bethanykoubsky Casual Observer
bethanykoubsky Casual Observer Joined: Nov 2019 Posts: 22 Omaha	Just started working on this. Please tell me what you think. Thank you! This ain't the girl -Copy right Bethany Koubsky You're always walking in with your cowboy strut Your tight fittin' jeans and you're sure cute...but Your hat's too small for that big ole head You're always thinkin' with that smile you can knock 'em dead Well you may be cute and have it all, but this is one girl who ain't gonna fall. Chorus: I'm not buying in, i'm not taking that bet, This is one girl you ain't gonna get I'm not falling for it, cause I can see right through This ain't the girl whose gonna fall for you. No this girl ain't gonna fall for you. Of all the girls out there, you can have your choice with those baby blues and that velvety voice you've got that swagger that makes em all swoon talk to any girl and she's over the moon. Chorus I'm not buying in, I'm not taking that bet. This is one girl you ain't gonna get I'm not falling for it, cause I can see right through This ain't the girl whose gonna fall for you. No this girl ain't gonna fall for you. Bridge: I may be by myself, all on my own but if my choice is you, I'll take being alone Chorus I'm not buying in, I'm not taking that bet. This is one girl you ain't gonna get I'm not falling for it, cause I can see right through This ain't the girl whose gonna fall for you. No this girl ain't gonna fall for you. Copyright 2021 Bethany Koubsky

#1174190 - 02/19/21 10:29 PM Re: Song I'm working on [Re: bethanykoubsky]
Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 2,038 Gary E. Andrews
Gary E. Andrews Top 200 Poster Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 2,038 Portsmouth, Ohio, USA	Right off, I'd say simplify it. Fewer words? Shorter Lines? Fewer Lines? Harder hit on the Rhymes. And would it be 'cuter' if she fell for him, perhaps in the Bridge, or just felt herself weakening, but then come back in the final Chorus with the same determination to resist. Take 'cause' out of the Chorus. The Lines will work the same, but that word won't clutter up the Line. There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com

#1174191 - 02/19/21 11:14 PM Re: Song I'm working on [Re: bethanykoubsky]
Joined: May 2017 Posts: 1,566 Gavin Sinclair Top 200 Poster
Gavin Sinclair Top 200 Poster Joined: May 2017 Posts: 1,566 Conover, North Carolina, USA	I like this lyric. It's playful but with attitude. I think the bridge is important. It needs to deliver a punch. I hear the music slowing down and just the guitar as the singer delivers a pay-off. Something like... I may be alone, it's how I've learned to live (stress on learned) It ain't that bad, if you're the alternative So buy me a drink, something from the top shelf I'll smile till it's finished 'n go home by myself Those are only suggestions. I just think the bridge is your opportunity to bring it home, deliver a punchline before the final chorus, however you choose to do it. "I may or may not be an enigma." http://mysteriousbeings.com/ https://soundcloud.com/themysteriousbeings https://www.facebook.com/mysteriousbeings/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTfa7oRxhligSvZjv0u_vjg

#1174231 - 02/21/21 07:41 PM Re: Song I'm working on [Re: bethanykoubsky]
Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 180 Guy E. Trepanier Serious Contributor
Guy E. Trepanier Serious Contributor Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 180 Quebec	My suggestion for the chorus: 8 bars, 3 chords: I /IV /V7 /I / I'm not buying in, /I don't take that bet. / - - - - _ /- - - - _ / This one girl you ain't gonna /get / - - - - _ - -/ _ / I'm not buying in, /I don't take that bet. / - - - - _ /- - - - _ / This one girl you ain't gonna /get / - - - - _ - -/ _ / These 2 lines could work fine in a prechorus: 4 bars, 2 chords: IV / /V7 / / Well you may be cute and /have it all, / - - - - _ _ /_ _ _ / but this is one girl who /ain't gonna fall. / - - - - _ _ /_ - - _ / _ _ _ _ _ Have fun! K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple and Singable Soundclick: Songs buy Guy E. Trepanier Soundcloud: UkeGuy (songs with lyricists)

#1174259 - 02/23/21 10:46 PM Re: Song I'm working on [Re: bethanykoubsky]
Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 2,038 Gary E. Andrews
Gary E. Andrews Top 200 Poster Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 2,038 Portsmouth, Ohio, USA	Here's some editing. This Ain't The Girl -Copyright 2021 by Bethany Koubsky You walk in with your cowboy strut, your tight fittin' jeans. You're sure cute...but Your hat's too small for that big ole head! You think that smile can knock 'em dead! Chorus: I'm not buying in! I'm not taking that bet! This is one girl you ain't gonna get! I'm not falling for it! I can see right through! This Ain't The Girl who's gonna fall for you! No This Ain't The Girl who's gonna fall for you! Of all the girls, you can have your choice, with those baby blues, that velvety voice! You've got swagger to make 'em all swoon, talk to a girl; she's over the moon! Chorus I'm not buying in! I'm not taking that bet! This is one girl you ain't gonna get! I'm not falling for it! I can see right through! This Ain't The Girl who's gonna fall for you! No This Ain't The Girl who's gonna fall for you! Bridge: You hold me right, when we dance! I ain't gonna take that chance! Chorus I'm not buying in! I'm not taking that bet! This is one girl you ain't gonna get! I'm not falling for it! I can see right through! This Ain't The Girl who's gonna fall for you! No This Ain't The Girl who's gonna fall for you! Copyright 2021 Bethany Koubsky There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com

#1174273 - 02/25/21 09:34 AM Re: Song I'm working on [Re: bethanykoubsky]
Joined: Nov 2019 Posts: 22 bethanykoubsky Casual Observer
bethanykoubsky Casual Observer Joined: Nov 2019 Posts: 22 Omaha	Thank you all! A work in progress! i know it needs work! Gonna hunker down today and give it some reworking

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