A lighter rock song that I've been working on & off for a few a while. A little different vibe from me, hope you like it. Comments welcome! I had a lot of fun working with Teddy Snyder in my studio with his lead guitar tracks--he's a gem.

My Soul is Burning




MY SOUL IS BURNING--music/lyrics by e.swartz


Vs 1)

I heard your footsteps on the stairs last night
Creeping softly in new morning’s light
I never thought I’d lose you, not like this
Damn this agony, that once…..was bliss

Vs 2)

How dare you tell me it was girl’s night out
I’m no Einstein but I figured it out
My world is burning and my future’s unclear
I’ve hit a land mine, and it’s so…..severe

Lift) Did you honestly believe, (cheat) I’d be so easily deceived (cheat)
You couldn’t even look me in my eyes
Your smile was wry, (1st just a thin disguise) (2nd but it said goodbye)

Ch) Burn'n! My soul is burn'n
Yeah burn'n--churn'n--yearn'n!
Girl you did me wrong!

Vs 3)

I’m not the only one here victimized
Your mirror’s reflection will not hide your lies
Three years wasted and I can’t get them back
So much for giving you, all…..that slack

Ch- repeat) (guitar solo outro)

Good song! Starts with a 70s vibe to me. The Birds or similar band.

I like how the vocal goes down in pitch at the end of the first verse but it felt like you should go up on the last line of the following verses. On 'severe" and "that slack". Not that what you have is wrong. Just an idea.

Didn't love the "shoot" sung through the first lift. Second lift was better for me.

I was thinking of the word burn instead of burning. You do use it towards the end and it sounds good. I was wondering if it would work to sing burn as the first word in the chorus? Seems like burn would sing really good initially there and then continue with burning.

I also think distorted guitars probably double tracked full left and right with power chords would work well in places. Especially the chorus.

Just random thoughts to consider....

Thanks for your thoughts Ricky--will think on it.

It's not "shoot,' it's "cheat." Listen again, (its background) and if I bring it up too loud or clear becomes too disconcerting for me. There was a late 60's song that gave me that idea for the cheat chant. For me going "up" on those verse lines takes away from the singer's frustrated yet angry mood which is beyond being acute expressive--thus the fire sizzling vibe. No question there's no one way, but I like hearing other's ideas and do sometimes use them for sure if I agree.

steady-eddie

Enjoyed this. But to be honest I kept hearing Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" on that guitar hook. It's a pretty well known song and your hook is very similar to the first part so unfortunately it makes it a bit challenging not to "complete the line" in my head.

..ant

Hi Ed my 2 pence worth i thought of The Doors on this on
Couple of ideas lyric wise Ed.
Good song, well put together, hope it gets the listen it deserves
John

heard YOU TIPTOE UP the stairs last night
REHEARSED ALIBI, LET'S JUST CALL IT'S A LIE
I never thought I’d lose you, not like this
Confronting agony, that once…..was bliss

Hi Ed.
A different sound for you. I like the backing music and your vocal is very good.
Lyric is a little weak in verse2 imho.
Just a couple of sugs that you may consider:

1. In the first verse your vocal seems disconnected to the music, like you're singing in a different space.
Maybe you could increase the reverb there on the vocal and turn the volume down a tad to bring it together.

2. Verse two lyric seems slightly disconnected. First two lines are ok mentioning Einstein but then you say your world is burning
and you've hit a landmine, which say goodbye to the scientific vibe.
Maybe you could use something like: "Your gravity is bringing me down. Your moral relativity found."

Just my take on it. I like the rest.

Vic

I like this Ed. The music and lyric fit together well to capture the way the guy is feeling. I really like the background "cheat" chants. A good way to add intensity with a single word.

Not keen on these lines:
My world is burning and my future’s unclear
I’ve hit a land mine, and it’s so…..severe

The word severe to describe being blown up by a land mine is such a strange and jarring understatement. I came up with this, but you can probably think of something better.

My world is burning and there's fire in my heart
I’ve hit a land mine, and it’s blown me apart (or my world apart)

Thanks Ant for chiming in.

I've never heard of Green Day or that song you mentioned--lead guitarists usually follow the chord progressions either with direct song melody or they sometimes jazz it a bit. In production I do know pretty much know how I want a solo or riffs to go as I do play the acoustic guitar tracks and have also written the song's melody. I have the solo bars dictated before I even record the lead guitarist. I like what Teddy did, not worried about "sampling"--if the song ever gets pitched, I'll check out that song however for any potential "sampling riff."

Thanks again,

steady-eddie

Vic,

Vic I went back and listened, accent beats are right where I feel they need to be. Yes, the lyric is meant to be "edgy/rock oriented not a standard ballad. I'm not really a natural rock singer for sure, but these phrases are almost spoken/sung and meant to be intense, and "building," with each verse having its own character etc. I tried to exude a little of how Jim Morrison might approach the lyrics.

There is no "scientific vibe." Einstein is just an "analogy expression"--in other words he's saying, "it doesn't take a genius to understand that his gal was cheating rather than just being with the girls night out." --That understanding, IMO is very obvious and a direct way to make that point- the vibe is more of sharp tongued lyrics--he's pissed--not a time for poetry or science! The lyrics are written more like how people talk--this isn't a detailed story.


Gavin,

I think those lyrics you wrote would work as well. I do feel "fire in the heart" would be not needed--he's obviously very upset, as his future will be changing which creates more stress and insecuritly. We all get upset when our perceived future just sinks in front of us..........like I mentioned to Vic, "land mine" is just an analogy, its not a real bomb. Life's full of land mines--a rather common expression.

I'm always open to make suggested changes, but the production here is geared much more edgy than what I normally do--but with the purpose of the lyrics being "real & direct and being performed with an attitude--maybe that attitude doesn't strongly fit my "wheel house," but that was part of the fun! (wheel house another expression, not really a wheel house).


Thanks for the spin guys, I do appreciate it and have a couple drinks then maybe listen again more subjectively.

steady-eddie

Hi Ed.
I've had a couple of drinks but I still stand by my comments.
I totally get the Einstein part but you don't stay with it. If you did it would flow better.
No offence intended.

Vic

Vic,


I think you're reading more how you would write the story into the song--which is fine and heck, it might be better that way! If I liked what you suggested better, I'd change it, but I like how those lines flow and "what/how" they express his intense anger, and maybe more importantly how they feel with this song's edgier vibe along with how younger people think/talk with song lyrics. My words were chosen for "attitude expression rather than poetic metering."


1)He knows she's been out cheating
2)She told him it was just girl's night out
3)He's not stupid, and knows she' lying
4)BOOM!! A sudden land mine - not her "gravity bringing him down." He realizes this very night their relationship is on fire and over!

This is acute turmoil--I didn't write a song about a developing break-up--the lyrics reflect what he's feeling and suddenly.


A song's style for me determines how "much" story I reveal--you write more "ballad-esk" than I do. My process here is keeping lines current/curt to the point. There isn't a lot of story in rock songs they are more fragmented than ballads. Being too specific minimizes how listeners ability to relate to a song as well--since break-ups & cheating have many scenarios--keeping the scenario simple I've been taught/told is better for more comprehensive ability for relating.

Your thoughts are appreciated. I always appreciate your opinion, even though you're as stubborn as me!

steady-eddie

Lyric needs some work.
The first two lines? Confusing.
If you said:
I heard your footsteps on the stairs last night
And again in the new morning’s light
..it would be clearer.
Eddie: to be very blunt, (for you) some of these rhymes are weak:

Bliss, severe, slack

The last verse makes NO sense: of course he's the one victimized:she cheated!
Needs more work less defense.
Best of luck!
-Mike

Thanks Mike,

I'm going to sound defensive, but I strongly disagree.

Why would he hear her footsteps twice--that makes no sense? She's getting home really late..............When someone goes out and gets home really late, in this case long after midnight.....its pretty common to say, "they came home really late last night, even though it was very early morning (next day). That is very easily understood and not confusing for anyone that's been out all night--especially in our younger days! It was "MY" way of expressing just how late she was getting home without being literal -- Its dawn, and she's trying to sneak in without him noticing! .... Being literally correct about AM/PM exact isn't important or even wanted here.

Rhymes were chosen for their contrasting expressions and meanings as well as just rhyming--which is IMO a very good thing: This/Bliss Clear/Severe Back/slack--I see no problem with those rhymes-obvious full strong rhymes, but more importantly, their significance: (agony vs bliss) (slack importantly point's out that this guy was liberal enough with his girl going out with her friends--but even so, he still got burned--so much for the slack)! I also had background fun with these terms "severe & slack" which IMO gives the song an edginess and more unique arrangement--I like being a little unique and often do so with bridges etc.-- that's just me.

Its okay that you don't like the song, no problem, but I feel strongly that the lyrics/rhymes are fine "given the "style" and vibe of this song as written and expressed--this is not a pop/ballad. Believe me I have plenty of songs that I've never been happy with some of the lyrics, so my mindset isn't "my way or the highway" at all--but I do dig the lyrical expression given here, but it's certainly not the only way. This song may not appeal to many for sure, but I had both lyrical & music objectives for the production which probably took me away from my perceived persona, but when you stretch your art form with your imagination, you do sometimes limit your listener appeal.

Thanks for the spin and comments--its okay to disagree, and I've made many, many changes with my productions from comments here given!

steady-eddie

Great sounding song Ed. I like it]

Great Sound! I wish you sounded more like Alice Cooper than Neil Young

Here's some thoughts... Mostly based on comments Lol...

I heard your footsteps on the stairs last night
Creeping softly in new morning’s light
I guess you found a tryst you can't resist
I never thought I’d lose you, not like this

Vs 2)
Any fool could have figured you out
How dare you tell me it was girl’s night out
Sick emotion, slow motion explosion
Lies on your lips dripping like poison

Lift)
(Caught cheatin') Did you honestly believe
(Caught cheatin') I’m so easily deceived
You couldn’t even look me in my eyes
Wasted time is just a long kiss good bye...

Ch)
I'm Burnin'! My soul is burnin'
Yeah burnin'--churnin'--
Like the Devil did me wrong!

Vs 3)
I once saw an angel in your eyes
But Hell's flames have burned away your disguise
No forgiveness, I don't wish you the best
Black smoke rising from the pit of my chest

I'm Burnin'!

Hey Ed!
You're right. My comments are based on how I would write it. I can't be in your shoes and it's your song.
You're right about me being stubborn too.
I still like how it sounds though.

Vic

Hey Japov,

Alice Cooper's voice isn't in my body.....

I think your lyric version would be an excellent and different alternative approach/style for sure. My goal here with these lyrics was just to be more direct and write them how/what this guy was thinking/feeling and expressing his actual thoughts for the listener--not metaphorically or with clever statements. For me that takes away the attitude and realism of the situation for my purpose here. I do write like that with other song styles/vibes and it would surely work with this song, but make it different than the canvas I envisioned and produced--and heck, yours may be better. But I really like this song, and think its one of my better melodies. I want to keep the lyrics sharp, curt, and most importantly, "real."

Ex: This guy is thinking, "girl, you did me wrong--damn it!" That's a simple direct statement and what he's thinking. He's not thinking, "Girl, like the devil, you did me wrong!" I don't want it to read like a story or book, rather, more fragmented. Of course those type lyrics would still work, but I think they would change the song's directness and genuineness for me. So--keeping to my instincts. I have plenty of ballads and songs with metaphores. I'm also writing this song more for a younger crowd--going from bliss to agony is dramatic--this song is dramatic--young folks have lots of drama and like more harsh and direct lyrics--and hell yes, a real rock singer like Alice Cooper would make a huge improvement!

Thanks for your time and constructive thoughts, and I do like your alternative lyrics for a different version--they are good!

steady-eddie

Great song. Production wise, very ambitious. This is in the EPIC category.
I really like it, so far................keep going!!
-Tom

He he he... Yeah', I was definitely channeling my inner Alice LOL.
I appreciate the inspiration, I'm glad you're not offended by the exercise

Hey Vic, glad you liked something about it. I myself evaluate melody/arrangement/performance first, then lyrics--as I have found lyrics to grow on you more slowly at times. I think its also easy to always see/imagine how we all would express ourselves or envision lyrics more immediately within a song especially when "reading" them on a first listen.....depending on our instincts and our own perceived vision. I do like hearing the comments however, as maybe I would not be happy with what I have written--which I would be more receptable to make changes, so thanks again.

My shoe size is 9, not sure if you'd fit in my shoes.......

steady-eddie

Tom,

Thanks for appreciating and commenting on more just the the lyrics. I enjoy writing songs that are'nt "cookie-cutter." Why not, I say follow your own artistic expressions as you might have a better chance of some artist saying, "I could use something like that." The labels have thousands of cookie-cutter songs getting dusty on the shelf.

Thanks, much Tom!



Jpov,

I was never an Alice Cooper or Kiss fan--but I'd already been indoctrinated as a Beatle fan by the time AC came along. I was more into Doors, Eagles, James Taylor, Carol King, Linda Ronstadt, Byrds/3-Dog, Queen, earlier BG's, CSNY, especially Graham Nash--just to name a few. I did like some A C's songs--especially "I'm 18." I would also probably like AC more now than I would have in 1972. I've never been a heavy metal or extreme hard rock fan with driving distortion and gritty screaming vocals--but do appreciate that genre. I was more into softer Pop/Rock that is more melodic with instrumentation yet I still liked both expressive vocals whether with a melodic tender voice like Graham Nash/Barry Gibb or some grit like McCartney/Lennon or a more edgy singer like Jim Morrison who could turn it on and off very well. I couldn't listen too long to say an Axl Rose, but I really dig his song "Sweet Child of Mine," which is a rock classic.

Thanks Jpov,

steady-eddie

Nice one Eddie… rock’n out a bit, eh?
Love the synergy between your vocals and the electric guitar, in the choruses.

I'd like to hear Burning twice in the chorus @3:06 after the lift.
Something about the way the guitar comes in there makes me want to hear Burn’n twice.

Ch) Burn'n Burn’n… My soul is burn'n
yeah yeah yeah Burn’n Burn’n... feel me watch me Burn

I too would love to hear the guitar in that section beefed up a tad.
As you probably know, how to is above my pay grade but Ricky had some good suggestions.

Excellent arrangement and production as usual.

Man Teddy is good. He really helped sweetened up the tune.

Hey Nelson!

I get what you are saying about doubling the burning at 3:06. The reason I didn't as there is a lead vox delay echo of "burn'n" there, but not loud enough. I probably hear the delayed "burn'n" myself more, as I know its there. I'll go back and address that, but one objective was not to let the song's chorus to get feeling too much like a conventional hook--my thoughts were to keep the anger intense and real--if that makes sense? I also think Soundcloud's inherent coloration/frequency enhancement sometimes changes certain mix frequencies that are uploaded from how they were originally mixed which can cover certain nuances--no question they have much variety of mix productions posting onto their site. A good mix should still break through however, even with mild enhancements. I've tried SC mastering options--sometimes okay, others not so IMO. Will look into taking the guitar up a notch from a Sirloin to a Strip......

Always appreciate your ears and comments,

steady-eddie

Hi Eddie..............now I hear Alice Cooper doing, "House Of The Rising Sun"
All cool..................a great sound. This has so many cool little influences / references.
I thought I heard Al Stewart in there, as well.
What fun!!

Thanks much Tom!

I'm sure I have many influences, but I write music first, which usually steers me into a vibe that feels right and also influences lyrics and attitude. I do think we sometimes are "subconsciously" influenced by music from our past for sure without realizing it.

steady-eddie

Yeah I thought I heard a faint echo or delay of burn’n there. I thought you may have lowered it to let the guitar shine.

Hey Eddie sounds good. It does have similar progression and melody as house of rising sun, but its a more driving feel than the 6/8 feel of house... Reminds a bit of Neil Young Like a Hurricane too.

Are you using BIAB for guitar solos? It sounds like it but the solos fit the song so well, it goes unnoticed. I think its cause the chord changes are moving, and the leads are following the movement.

I like it, sounding good there

Thanks again Nelson,

I'm into another project at present, but may go back and experiment in the area you mention, definitely merit for re-evaluation.

FD,

No, I'm a little old fashioned, I recorded the lead guitarist in my studio. Teddy Snyder, as I mentioned in my intro to song is a quick study with lead guitar and prepared before coming to the studio--I usually record two takes with him--we both listen and then I'll use what I like. I send him a mix about a week or so before our scheduled session so that he can get a feel for the song. I'll give him my opinion on what I'm looking for but always encourage him to exercise his own creativity, but I usually like lead solos to stay close to melody I've written for those areas. I've played guitar for many years, but lead is just not in my DNA. I do farm out other session tracks that I myself don't do or cannot do properly. I don't produce too much music, so BIAB isn't a product that I'm too interested in, but it would be handy & more economical for sure--I'm biased using session musicians I suppose and enjoy that interaction with other real musicians professionally and socially.

Yes the first 3 chords are same as House of RS, different melody however. I did notice that after the fact when working on the song. The other interlude chord progression after verses reminds me of a Tom Petty song as well. I'm sure there's a lot of songs with these classic chords. "Discovering melody is my favorite part of songwriting."

Thanks much!

steady-eddie