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#1172492 - 12/16/20 05:49 PM "Double Whiskey Night"  
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Steve Altonian Offline
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"A Double Whiskey Night" SOUNDCLOUD link

The beauty across the bar sends this Cuervo Gold
Phone number in lipstick, red, & bold
I wave the drink away push her number to the side
No tequila or beer today

A Double Whiskey Night
Chased with tears I cry
Drowning thoughts of love that's died
A Double Whiskey Night
A toast to love that's blind
Remembering' when her heart was mine
A Double Whiskey Night

Kaylee's with a new guy throwing' darts & shooting' pool
Slow dancing, swaying to the groove
So damn easy for her to leave this boy behind  
Trading Tennessee whiskey for California wine 

A Double Whiskey Night
Chased with tears I cry
Drowning thoughts of love that's died
A Double Whiskey Night
A toast to love that's blind
Remembering' when her heart was mine
A Double Whiskey Night

I feel a hand in mine lead me down to the dance room floor
Kaylee's eyes meet mine while dancing with her guy
The beauty asks can I buy you another pour?

A Double Whiskey Night
Chased with tears I cry
Drowning thoughts of love that's died
A Double Whiskey Night
A toast to love that's blind
Remembering' when her heart was mine

A Double Whiskey Night
Chased with tears I cry
Drowning thoughts of love that's died
A Double Whiskey Night
A toast to love that's blind
Remembering' when her heart was mine
A Double Whiskey Night
A Double Whiskey Night
A Double Whiskey Night





Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1172505 - 12/17/20 11:00 AM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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Hi Steve,

Why not make the verse 1st person establishing "you" the singer as that guy from the get-go. Listeners like to put themselves in your shoes. 1st person makes the singer with his emotions feel more real. So instead of "he waves the girl away......use "I waved the girl away." (food for thought--not imperative however).

I like what you have going--many avenues for story. Since the song seems to be a "downer," maybe let a bridge later express the opposite time when everything was bliss, then come back to the downer vibe?

Good start with melody and chorus launches great.

steady-eddie

#1172523 - 12/17/20 03:51 PM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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JAPOV Online happy
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Just leave the bottle please
Some peanuts and a glass
Let me drink till I'm blind
And fall on my ass
A toast to love that can't possibly last
Just leave the bottle please
My wife is a Democrat

#1172536 - 12/18/20 06:49 AM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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Hi Steve I go with Ed for using the first person, more personal better to identify with.
The story itself is downer and needs uplifting, again using Ed's suggestion for the bridge to serve this purpose.
Good vocal, old story but it has possibilities with a good bridge
Regards
John

Last edited by Travis david; 12/18/20 06:49 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1172540 - 12/18/20 11:50 AM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: E Swartz]  
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Originally Posted by E Swartz
Hi Steve,

Why not make the verse 1st person establishing "you" the singer as that guy from the get-go. Listeners like to put themselves in your shoes. 1st person makes the singer with his emotions feel more real. So instead of "he waves the girl away......use "I waved the girl away." (food for thought--not imperative however).

I like what you have going--many avenues for story. Since the song seems to be a "downer," maybe let a bridge later express the opposite time when everything was bliss, then come back to the downer vibe?

Good start with melody and chorus launches great.

steady-eddie


Originally Posted by Travis david
Hi Steve I go with Ed for using the first person, more personal better to identify with.
The story itself is downer and needs uplifting, again using Ed's suggestion for the bridge to serve this purpose.
Good vocal, old story but it has possibilities with a good bridge
Regards
John


Eddie & Travis....I originally had it first person, swapped it back. For the BRIDGE Thinkin' about having him leaving the bar with the Beauty he turned down the drink from after seeing his Ex with her new man...Just don't have the BRIDGE music for it yet....

Thx for the feedback guys


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1172557 - 12/18/20 03:35 PM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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9ne Online content
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Enjoyed listening to how you play Steve. I didn't care for the verse melody, but the chorus was cool. I did think the last line of the verse, (musically) could have led into the chorus better.

I kept thinking of whiskey and double and how motion could tie in. A little inspiration?

Whiskey on the double I'll chase it with a beer
I ran into trouble I ain't walkin' out of here
The service here gets slower my empty don't get cleared
Whiskey on the double and like that she'll disappear

Last edited by 9ne; 12/18/20 04:39 PM.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#1172601 - 12/20/20 09:04 PM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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Hey there Steve.....................GREAT music and melody. The performances are fantastic.......your singing is fine!!!
The lyrics are good.....love the concept.
A really good song, man................and sounds like a very fun song to perform.
-Tom

#1172769 - 12/24/20 12:21 AM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: 9ne]  
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Steve Altonian Offline
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Originally Posted by 9ne
Enjoyed listening to how you play Steve. I didn't care for the verse melody, but the chorus was cool. I did think the last line of the verse, (musically) could have led into the chorus better.

I kept thinking of whiskey and double and how motion could tie in. A little inspiration?

Whiskey on the double I'll chase it with a beer
I ran into trouble I ain't walkin' out of here
The service here gets slower my empty don't get cleared
Whiskey on the double and like that she'll disappear


Mike, Remember when this was just a VERSE/CHORUS ? It's changed a little in a week huh?


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1172773 - 12/24/20 07:14 AM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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9ne Online content
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I know mine change from start to finish. ( hopefully for the better smile )
Good luck with this Steve!
-Mike


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#1172791 - 12/24/20 11:24 AM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: IronKnee]  
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Originally Posted by IronKnee
Hey there Steve.....................GREAT music and melody. The performances are fantastic.......your singing is fine!!!
The lyrics are good.....love the concept.
A really good song, man................and sounds like a very fun song to perform.
-Tom


Thanks Tom for the feedback...I think you heard it before the Bridge....Still tweaking the Bridge, but the concept for that is to throw a twist into the song...it is getting ever so closer...


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1172795 - 12/24/20 01:10 PM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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I really like this. It's a very poignant lyric and very visual. Great performance. I get what 9ne is saying about the last line of the verse leading into the chorus, but I actually liked that. It took me a little surprise when you launched into the hook, but just the right amount. You say this is a work tape. I think that when you layer some vocals behind the chorus it'll have even more of a satisfying lift.

I wouldn't change the lyric as others have suggested. Despite the title, this is not really about getting drunk, it's about the reason for getting drunk and you capture that vividly and economically. It says all that it has to say and no more. There's no padding, and that's one thing I really like about it.

#1172820 - 12/25/20 01:27 PM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
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Steve Altonian Offline
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Steve Altonian  Offline
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Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair
I really like this. It's a very poignant lyric and very visual. Great performance. I get what 9ne is saying about the last line of the verse leading into the chorus, but I actually liked that. It took me a little surprise when you launched into the hook, but just the right amount. You say this is a work tape. I think that when you layer some vocals behind the chorus it'll have even more of a satisfying lift.

I wouldn't change the lyric as others have suggested. Despite the title, this is not really about getting drunk, it's about the reason for getting drunk and you capture that vividly and economically. It says all that it has to say and no more. There's no padding, and that's one thing I really like about it.


Hi Gavin,

Thanks for the feedback & the detailed analysis as to why you feel that way...Thanks for taking the time to listen & comment




Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1172907 - 12/28/20 08:57 AM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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Hi Steve,

I landed on this thread because you suggested that I give it a listen because you recorded it with a TASCAM DP-24. I like this a lot. I immediately visualized the scenes where "Kaylee's with a man in a corner shooting' pool" and "Kaylee's eyes meet mine for a moment I'm back in time". I agree with Gavin - it's not about getting hammered. It's about physically doing something when your body is numb with grief.

I'm not quite ready to offer any advice. I'm still learning from you guys!

Nice listen.

Dan

#1172943 - 12/29/20 08:23 AM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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Well written and well done.
Fine structure and good contrast between sections.

Have fun!

#1172970 - 12/30/20 10:32 AM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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E Swartz Offline
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Steve,

Huge improvement!

The 1st person captured me evoking empathy much better with this guy!

First line of bridge "perhaps" could be improved with phrasing that fits music a little better--maybe experiment, maybe leave as is--no biggie. I really like the strength you hit the high notes in the chorus, maybe back off 1-2 db on the word "night" - a small polish tweak keeping the accent more on whisky--JMO however. I'll many times go through a lead vox track and reduce or beef up a phrase of word for balance. I rarely use an automation track on vocals and find tweaking easier done independently in the polish stage.

Well done mate! - Some of us perhaps unfortunately, many relate looking back in our pasts.......

steady-eddie

#1173018 - 12/31/20 12:00 PM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Guy E. Trepanier]  
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Steve Altonian Offline
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Originally Posted by DanielSimons
Hi Steve,
I like this a lot. I immediately visualized the scenes where "Kaylee's with a man in a corner shooting' pool" and "Kaylee's eyes meet mine for a moment I'm back in time". I agree with Gavin - it's not about getting hammered. It's about physically doing something when your body is numb with grief

Dan

I had to change that one line you mentioned, but it serves the LYRIC better...Now shes "Throwing darts AND shooting pool......Thanks for the comment


Originally Posted by Guy E. Trepanier
Well written and well done.
Fine structure and good contrast between sections.

Have fun!


Hi Guy,

I appreciate you stopping by to listen. Thanks for the good word


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1173022 - 12/31/20 02:22 PM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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This is a very good song and you have an exceptional and unique voice. Being a lover of harmony I think harmony on the chorus could be cool. Just a thought.

Steve


VNORTH2
#1173083 - 01/03/21 04:25 PM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: E Swartz]  
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Steve Altonian Offline
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Originally Posted by E Swartz
Steve,

Huge improvement!

The 1st person captured me evoking empathy much better with this guy!

I really like the strength you hit the high notes in the chorus

Well done mate! - Some of us perhaps unfortunately, many relate looking back in our pasts.......

steady-eddie


Thanks for taking the time to comment & look at this through all the different stages this tune has gone through...


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1173123 - 01/05/21 10:09 AM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: VNORTH2]  
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Steve Altonian Offline
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Originally Posted by VNORTH2
This is a very good song and you have an exceptional and unique voice. Being a lover of harmony I think harmony on the chorus could be cool. Just a thought.

Steve


Hi Steve,

Thanks...Yes BGV's will be nice on this oe

This is simply my Home Demo....We will redo the whole track...I will be adding all the bells & whistles once we go into the studio

Thanks for listening & taking the time to comment


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1173125 - 01/05/21 11:22 AM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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Vicarn Online content
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It's a keeper for the most part. Good production.

It would be good to have the bridge with a clearer message about the new girl, something like

Then a stranger's hand in mine leads me to the dance room floor
Kaylee's eyes meet mine while dancing with her guy
The stranger asks "is it me you're looking for"?

Enjoyed it.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

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#1173162 - 01/08/21 04:04 PM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Vicarn]  
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Steve Altonian Offline
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Originally Posted by Vicarn
It's a keeper for the most part. Good production.

It would be good to have the bridge with a clearer message about the new girl, something like

Then a stranger's hand in mine leads me to the dance room floor
Kaylee's eyes meet mine while dancing with her guy
The stranger asks "is it me you're looking for"?

Enjoyed it.

Vic



Hey Vic,

Thanks for the listen...I've written 5 Bridges. So the Bridge has been a struggle. I have an alternate Bridge for a DUET, where the Beauty at the Bar starts singing a "Double Whiskey Night".

The reason I don't go with that is I would need a female vocalist when I do it live. I may also cut that version too


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1173431 - 01/21/21 04:47 PM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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Steve Altonian Offline
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Steve Altonian  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2007
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Los Angeles, California
I've let this ferment for a few weeks...Anyone have any additional thoughts?


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1173436 - 01/21/21 10:56 PM Re: "A Double Whiskey Night" (Worktape) [Re: Steve Altonian]  
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,546
Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,546
Nashville, TN
Can I just say that if I hear whiskey in another country song... we've all run out of ideas I guess. What I hear in this song is................... you hurt my heart, so i'm gonna drink more than I should....................Not trying to be snarky here, but to compete in music, you have to bring something "new"........ or tell me a story I haven't heard before in a new way. I like the melody and to the vocals were good................. damn I wish I could be more helpful.


"It Mattered to THAT One"

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