7 members (VNORTH2, couchgrouch, Fdemetrio, Gary E. Andrews, Perry Neal Crawford, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier),
4,270
guests, and
267
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
|
OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550 |
Sure would like to have someone do a better vocal than me on this one, but let me know what you think. All In Your HeartIT'S ALL IN YOUR HEART Your heart never stops looking for love when you've got your mind's eye closed You think you're going crazy how can you be so blind when you think its all in your mind You have every chance to see the warning signs You try to tell yourself that's its all in your mind If you could describe it you can't even start cus its not all in your mind its all in your heart You think your in control but only your heart will know You're losing your mind and its about time cus love has a mind of its own It's just the fear of falling making your knees weak you won't believe in something that you can't see When the floor drops out and you're in the dark that's when you know it's not all in your mind it's all in your heart CHORUS They haven't found a cure there's nowhere you can hide no nothing you can take to get you off this ride when the roller coaster falls and you're in too far that's when you know it's not all in your mind it's all in your heart Cus your heart never stops looking for love when you've got your minds eye closed You think you're going crazy how can you be so blind when you think it's all in your mind it's all in yout heart it's all in your heart it's all in your heart copyright Kay-lynn Carew, BMI
Last edited by Kay-lynn Carew; 01/19/21 12:22 AM.
"It Mattered to THAT One"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22 |
Kay-lynn,
I love the flow and metering of these lyrics with the music. Your vocals are fine too--sweet voice with great pitch control as well. I felt a 70's pop feel with this tune--a lot of current artists love those vibes and enjoy putting their spin on them. I wasn't sure I was hearing harmony? -- which means I'd recommend raising that harmony level of a couple db and maybe widen it to one side or the other about 40-60%--experiment. But that harmony will enhance the song, if heard better. JMO
Enjoyed this listen for sure!
steady-eddie
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 237 Likes: 11
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 237 Likes: 11 |
Well written and well done. Sweet melody. Nice voice.
_ _ _ _ _ Have fun!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
|
OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550 |
Thank you Eddie!! I agree about the extra harmony................... you read my mind.!
"It Mattered to THAT One"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
|
OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550 |
Thank you Guy...... I appreciate you taking a listen.!
"It Mattered to THAT One"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668 Likes: 42
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668 Likes: 42 |
A Lyric of abstract concepts is generally weak in Hook Factor, Hooking the listener's attention and imagination with imagery. Enunciation is all important. I've capitalized some words I don't really hear, starting with YOUR in Verse I Line 1. It sounds like you sing 'Hearts never stop', which might be a better Line. I do hear the 's' on the end, but not 'Your' in the beginning.
"IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEART" copyright 2021 Kay-lynn Carew, BMI
Your heart never stops YOUR looking for love when you've got your mind's eye closed (One syllable, one note on CLOSED, might work better.) You think you're going crazy YOU How can you be so blind when you think it's all in your mind (One syll/note on MIND, might work better. The word IT'S may not be getting enunciated.)
You have every chance TO SEE seems to belong on this Line. to see the warning signs You try to tell yourself that's its all in your mind THAT'S IT'S (When a reader interrupts the read to figure out what you meant to say instead of what you did say, it's just that, an interruption. You don't want them distracted. You want them Hooked.) If you could describe it you can't even start cus its not all in your mind CUS (I'd delete CUS and focus on enunciating IT'S) It's All In Your Heart IT'S (Enunciate 'It's. Ending Verse II with THE Hook/title makes it a Refrain-Type Chorus, as opposed to a Stanza-Type Chorus. A Refrain is a single Line, ending each Verse. The next Stanza then becomes a BRIDGE, a component with a Melody of its own, to break the Repetition. A Song must have 'Enough' Repetition to supply Structure, and 'Enough' Change to keep listeners Hooked. Two Verses is generally 'Enough' to do that, and makes it 'time' to have a Bridge, to supply Change to keep it interesting.)
(BRIDGE) You think your in control YOU'RE means 'you are'. 'your' is the possessive form. Again, interruption. Enunciation passes when heard, but when read, it interrupts.) but only your heart will know BUT ('But' is another connector that may be deleted, uncluttering a Line in the mouth of the singer. Without it the Line reads the same.) You're losing your mind and its about time IT'S (I-t-'apostrophe-s, means 'It is'. 'its' is the possessive form, belonging to 'it'. Can you delete 'and'? That enables the singer to enunciate 'It's' more clearly.) cus love has a mind of its own ('Cus'. Delete?)
It's just the fear of falling making your knees weak You won't believe in something that you can't see THAT (Can you delete 'that'?) When the floor drops out THE and you're in the dark AND (Delete 'and'?) that's when you know it's not THAT'S all in your mind It's All In Your Heart
(REPEAT BRIDGE) CHORUS
They haven't found a cure There's nowhere you can hide No nothing you can take to get you off this ride When the roller coaster falls ROLLER and you're in too far AND (Delete 'and'?) That's when you know it's not all in your mind It's All In Your Heart
Cus your heart never stops (Delete 'Cus'?) looking for love when you've got your mind's eye closed You think you're going crazy how can you be so blind when you think it's all in your mind It's All In Yout Heart YOUT (Interruption) It's All In Your Heart It's All In Your Heart
copyright Kay-lynn Carew, BMI
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
|
OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550 |
Gary, I'm glad your mind works the way it does. It's those little things that do make a difference!!! I would love to have a professional singer do my demos, but we're all broke so this is all I have to work with at the moment. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you in depth critique and I welcome all of your suggestions. Some I hadn't even thought of and would re-do if I could.
Your suggestions for deletions of words are spot on. I was singing the lyrics in my head with your deletions and it actually does sing better the way you said.!!!
"It Mattered to THAT One"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 844 Likes: 1
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 844 Likes: 1 |
Nice to meet you Kay-lynn,
Nice poppy sound to your tune....Songs with a familiar feel are always a winning formula...Shades of "Different Drum" by Linda Ronstadt
Your vocal gets the point across just fine, so don't fret too much about that....
Nice job
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668 Likes: 42
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668 Likes: 42 |
Well good, Kay-lynn. I'm glad you found those observations helpful. The 'connector' words 'and', 'but', and 'because/'cause/cus' help writers get more of a sense of the 'connection' between ideas in Lines. But listeners can get that connection without those words, most of the time. It's a Song-Writer's judgment call as to when to leave them in and when they can be deleted.
The word 'and' is particularly problematic... because ...singers often fail to enunciate the 'a' sound, leaving 'nd' to slur into the next word. Singers often hold onto one note and slide into the next, with unbroken vocalization, favoring execution of the note over enunciation of the word. I read somewhere that only 10% of the public can carry a tune so communicating word meanings may be far more important to them than note execution. If they get the word they'll get the note.
Simply not having to sing/enunciate a word, 'and/but/cus' leaves more room for a singer to breathe, and to separate notes so the words 'sent' are 'received'. That 'reception' is what qualifies the 'communication' as a 'communication'. Words 'sent' but not 'received' don't communicate.
The more precisely you can execute your Song for another singer the more likely they are to get it the way you want it. I thought you sang it well enough, executing notes. You just weren't enunciating all the Lyric as clearly as it probably can be. In the studio a good producer would point these things out and help a singer improve the delivery.
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
|
OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550 |
Thank you Steve................I appreciate you listening !
"It Mattered to THAT One"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
|
OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550 |
Gary, once again you are spot on and noticed things I hadn't thought of. I certainly can't afford a full re-do in the studio, but I have some friends with great equipment, perhaps I will post a new demo and take out of all those junk words...lol
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned it before now........ but makes perfect sense! I look forward to you reviewing any of the other songs I post around here!! (there is a search bar) (grin)
Kindest warmest regards..... Kay-lynn
"It Mattered to THAT One"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,845
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,845 |
I enjoyed this song a lot. The lyrics are brilliant, and the vocals and music go really well together. The vibe reminded me of Patsy Cline. Well done!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 169
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 169 |
Very nice Kay-Lynn, I love your voice, the lyrics are great and melody delightful. Thanks for sharing.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,973 Likes: 85
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,973 Likes: 85 |
Gary's suggestions are always spot on, and always apply to folks who just write lyrics, tend to be too "'wordy", and don't sing lol. I listened to this without following the lyrics and had no problem with it. It has a very rhythmic, "folksy" feel to it that you pulled off quite well. My only crit would be about the mix, this deserves a much fuller sound... Great work!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
|
OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550 |
Thank you for listening! I appreciate your insight!
"It Mattered to THAT One"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
|
OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550 |
Thank you very much, new input is always a good thing
"It Mattered to THAT One"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
|
OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550 |
Wow, to say Patsy Cline in reference to anything I do is the highest compliment !! Thank you.
"It Mattered to THAT One"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,126 Likes: 29
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,126 Likes: 29 |
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|