A song written when I thought perhaps I was not good enough to be called a songwriter ......................and I should stop fooling myself.


RubySlippers

It's not a country song, not sure what category it would be.


RUBY SLIPPERS

I'm takin off theses ruby slippers
I've given up on the fairy tale
I gave away my rose colored glasses
I missed the boat, I don't know where the ship is
that's why I'm takin off
these ruby slippers

The good witch of the north
went south for the winter
left me here and wouldn't take me with her
I wanted to go but I'm sure gonna miss her
when I take off
these ruby slippers

cus somewhere over the rainbow is my back yard
I know it's there

but something about those shoes
they never tell you
they can take you home
but only if you want to
click your heels say the words it won't make a difference
til you take off
those ruby slippers

Call me a fool, but I know where my home is
and you can't get there from here
I clicked my heels said the words it never made a difference
til I took off
those ruby slippers

Kay-lynn Carew

Been away for a few days and noticed the title... not sure about what I was going to hear from a Nashville "Newbie!" (Before I forget, "Welcome Aboard!" Kay-lynn.) I really enjoyed the lyric and melody... and I suspect this song could work well in several genres... depending on the "artist" you may be able to "capture" with it... if pitching is something you plan to do.

Thanks for sharing and I look forward to hearing more from you. It's been years since I worked in Nashville and finally took "going back for a visit" off my bucket list. Just too old to get revved up about travel.

All the best to you. Nice work. ----Dave

Thanks Dave.... I've been a member since 2001 so not really a "newbie" LOL.. I've just been off the grid for awhile. ( smile)

Nashville is still here.. and growing like a weed!!! Not really sure if it's for the better for songwriter's or not, but you just have to work with what you have in front of you.

I love Nashville and will never leave.

Thank you so much for your input!!!! I plan a posting some more things here in the next few days to get some fresh eyes.

Kay-lynn,

Well it looks like a top 200 poster came out of hibernation? Hey, I think your song is clever and has a great melody! I'd keep it leaning toward country, and production can easily keep it there. Your vocals lend towards country IMO as well.

I think you have a lot of potential with the song, but that you certainly could make some tweaks to improve upon it. I was looking at 2nd vs and thinking maybe not having both lines end in "her"--should be an easy lyric tweak. I would also recommend lengthening the bridge exclamation line by doubling it (adding one new line) and then keeping the last resolving line.

Ex: Somewhere over the rainbow, da-da, da-da-da-dah
Somewhere there's a da-da-da,
Yes and I know its there

IMO, you will then allow this exclamatory section have more power and identity--which is important since its not a chorus driven song.

I love your vocal tone. I know you have a raw recording here, but with some really good music tracks and your sweet vocals, this could be a very good song. I'd look to polish a few lyrics perhaps, but your foundation melody is very sound and solid.

Enjoyed your song!

steady-eddie

Hi, Kay-lynn:

First off, I really like your voice—fits this song really well. This tune has a ukelele sound to it, which also really fits the feel of this tune. Not sure why you would have doubted your talent or potential based not this—a well written tune, fine lines, nice rhymes (and great use of near rhymes to stay on theme). I mean, really good.

I enjoyed this a lot. If a song makes me want to pick up a guitar and try to sing it, well, then, by my standards it’s pretty awesome. Yeah, I could dig singing this one. Eddie, as always, has some good advice above to consider. Good luck with this one!

Great job!

Kindest regards,

Deej

Thank you so much for the input.................... and yeah, it's funny. after I wrote this song... I thought to myself.. maybe I'm not that bad after all! LOL

Eddie, first of all, thank you for the compliment on my vocals... that means alot to me. And I agree.. if I could get tha bridge a little longer, it might be more powerful, I will certainly think on that one seriously!

Deej, that is a very high compliment indeed that you would want to play the song yourself. I've never heard that before.. so you made my day!

You have something here, Kay Lynn.
It's cute and singable. The way you sing it is cute too.
I can hear it in a movie sequel to "The wizard of Oz".
Sure there are improvements to be made but not a lot. Best kept simple.

Btw, there is a castle not too far from me called Carew. Part of your ancestry maybe?

Vic

Thank you for the input Vic. I've always loved the melody of this song and I'm glad others have enjoyed it!

Kay-lynn

Hi Kay,


Good job, you have an enjoyable tune !


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Are you talking about Carew Castle?? Yeah I know all about it...I think it's in Wales? It's my married name, but yes, I am Irish.

Pleasant song.

Suggestion...
I'd take the guitar level down and make it a little less "brittle," and use the EQ to try to get more clarity for the lyrics.

Not a knock on the song. Enjoyed it.

Martin

Kay-Lynn,

First I loved the idea of writing a song about the Ruby Slippers. I write some tunes along this vein and have often wanted to write a song about one of the little people actors in the movie who died about 10 years ago. There was a headline in the newspaper that read "The Last Munchkin" and I thought that might make an interesting song. But I did not write it, because I had no idea where to take that story.

I think the song needs something lyrically. As Eddie pointed-out, you could use the bridge to address this. As it stands, it seems like a transition song that leads to a different scene in a musical. It does not feel complete to me. I really like the melody but it also lends itself to the idea that this song is a "part" of a bigger work. This might be what you were doing anyway, which is great if so. However, if you are going to play/pitch/perform this, I would really think about what your core meaning is and then rearrange/rewrite your lyric to convey this. I get that the singer is disappointed and is taking off the slippers because they seem to be keeping her away from home. But the slippers were actually how Dorothy got home. Even the witch could not take them off of her. The shoes would shock the witch when she tried. That's why the witch tried to kill Dorothy. The slippers were really symbolic of the fact that "home" was in Dorothy's heart all along and all she had to do was click her heels together and make a wish.

To my way of thinking, the idea of taking the slippers "off" to get home has to be supported just a tad better than what you have now. This is just my opinion, of course. But I think taking a look at this could move this from a "good" start to a "great" song.


Just my thoughts after a couple of listens. Please disregard if nothing I have said resonates.

Lovely song. I really liked the way that the bridge somehow echoed the melody of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow," while being quite distinct from it. Not sure how you did that

There's some good advice from other folks here, but, like Vic, I hope you don't change it too much.

Thank you Gavin.... it's a high compliment when someone actually tells you to try not to change things. That's awesome!

Wizard of Oz references............ good points since it is my number one movie favorite and I swear I could recite the whole movie by heart if I had to! LOL I guess the main point is.... "they can take you home.. but ONLY if you want to"...............kinda of a mixed metaphor because the writer isn't sure if she "should" go home or not.....but if she does... she's gonna have to let go of the fantasy.

Yeah, not the best recording.. just a work tape.........I'm gonna start doing more in the studio.

Hi again, Kay-Lynn:

Sorry I failed to notice you've been here longer than me! Old eyes, old brain, old geezer... LOL! I promise to do better. Work tapes are fine. After all, you are not auditioning for anything but our admiration... which does come at an extremely high level of difficulty! (Not!) Glad to see you are participating and, hopefully, enjoying things here at Brian's Place.

All the best, ----Dave

Dave, are you saying that it's EASY to get admiration here??? That would be disappointing... LOL... I want honest feedback. (smile).. and yup it sure feels good.... and helps you to go on.

Most of us are amateurs at best... and many do not possess discerning ears... or taste. Otherwise, we would probably be hanging out with the big guys and gals. LOL! Nobody said it would be easy to "hit the big time" in Twang Town... or any other music center. Matter of fact... it's so very loaded against us... so most write, record, compose, etc. for the love of it only. It hasn't always been that way... but those days are probably gone forever.

So... until you are "discovered"... kick back and enjoy the ride with the rest of us. Every now and then, we do get a nice surprise here at JPF and I'm hoping you are one of them. As always, best of luck with your music.

I wonder what things are like over at Granny White Pike?... or if it even exists today? Great place, Nashville.

See Ya, ----Dave

Granny White Pike is horrible now because they are doing road work on 440 until August of 2020.. argg.. I live in Pegram, just outside of Nashville so I don't have to worry about it too much.

Well, the good thing is that you don't need to be in Nashville to get your music heard nowadays...........that is a good thing.

Anyone can get a viral video... just depends on the song I guess. In fact alot of people have gotten attention in that way. (call me maybe)

Hi Kay-lynn
This is really good and as metioned ideal for a movie or TV.
You gave a great voice as well!
The song seems so laid back and easy . But the trick and know how is acheiving this and you have pulled it off remarkably well.
I'm in Nashville next week, my first US trip taking in Memphis too.
Welcome back and best of luck with this and future ventures
Travis

Hey Travis, thanks for the comments.! I have a co-writer that I wrote with in Sheffield. He made the trip to Nashville twice and we had a great time! You will love Nashville as I do!

Kay-lynn

Sent you a PM Kay- lynn.
Sheffield is probably 150 miles from me. However it was featured in the news last week.
You might have had the story in the States?
Basically it was a fly past over a Sheffield park for 10 US airmen who died in WW2 when their aircraft crashed heading home from a bombing raid
A lot more to it though
Cheers
Travis

Hi Kay and Travis:

Glad you two made contact. Also great to hear you are going to be here in the US, Travis. I saw the Sheffield Story on one of our channels the other day and was so pleased to know that bond exists today.

Kay, sorry to hear about Granny White Pike. I would sometimes drive that way south as a distraction on my way home to Brentwood from work in Nashville. I enjoy exploring but my wife really dislikes meandering about as I sometimes do. Nashville and vicinity has so many Civil War sites I enjoyed visiting. Many not on the maps or tour guides.

Best wishes to you both... in life and in music. ----Dave

Wendy, thanks for listening. Again, about the ruby slippers in the movie. I'm not trying to equate my song to the "movie", it's just the visual of ruby slippers and the fact that Dorothy was looking for something better, and yes she clicked her heels and went home because that's where she wanted to be after all. In my song, I was getting angry and thought, screw it, I just have to take these damn shoes off all together because none of it is ever gonna come true and I have to just let the whole thing go and be happy with going back home.

Call it "disillusionment" if you will. LOL

very listenable...I like your use of cliches to make your point...clever

Thank you Neil. Long time no talk too! Nice to see ya!

Thanks Dave, the world is always much smaller than we really think it is.

With all the new recording tools we have now, I sure wish I could get a better track of this done! Any volunteers???

And yes, there is a Carew Castle.............. I'm Irish, so I guess I should dig up some stuff?

Wow! That's a blast from the past.
During the Civil War here, the castle was owned by Sir George Carew.
You may be due an inheritance. :-)


Vic

Well that would be great!!! Maybe it will be a check for $25.00!!................. gotta get off here for awhile, I have dumpsters to dive in............ (don't knock it, I haven't bought food for over 8 months, except for spices).. hhaha