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Piano Song # 1
by JAPOV. 03/06/21 09:06 AM
Enough
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#1173282 - 01/16/21 09:19 AM Strawberries  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 786
ant Offline
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ant  Offline
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California
Hi Folks,

I think this is close to done, but not quite ready to release. Would appreciate any feedback and I'll of course return the favor. Any guidance on what genre this falls into would help. I usually just choose singer-songwriter.

..ant

Play on Soundcloud

Strawberries

I remember my first kiss when I was just thirteen
She was simply the cutest girl I'd ever seen
And I was shy to the bone, you know, but she was kind to me
I was walking her home, yea, stopped by a shady tree

She said "I'll tell you a secret, but before I can
I need you to close your eyes," which I did and then...

She tasted like strawberries and honeydew
Blueberries and honey too

I didn't know what to do, no, I was so surprised
Somehow she managed to run away before I opened my eyes
And now so many years later I still have memories
Of sunny days and a first kiss under that shady tree

She said "I'll tell you a secret, but before I can
I need you to close your eyes," which I did and then...

She tasted like strawberries and honeydew
Blueberries and honey too

Well it's been many years
Some with heartache and tears
And the losses I've had on the way
But in spite of it all, yeah I still can recall
All the joy that I felt on that day

She said "I'll tell you a secret, but before I can..."
She asked me to close my eyes, which I did and then...

She tasted like strawberries and honeydew
Blueberries and honey too
She smelled just like sweet cherries
And pink lemonade
Her skin was like mangoes
Warm just like apples in the shade
She tasted like strawberries and honeydew
Blueberries and honey too, honey too, honey too, honey too


My albums "Rhythms of Life" and "Out On The Road" are on Bandcamp, Spotify and Apple Music.
#1173288 - 01/16/21 05:38 PM Re: Strawberries [Re: ant]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 180
Guy E. Trepanier Online content
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Guy E. Trepanier  Online Content
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Pleasant song.
Well written and well done.

_ _ _ _ _
Have fun!

#1173290 - 01/16/21 07:28 PM Re: Strawberries [Re: ant]  
Joined: May 2017
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Gavin Sinclair Offline
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Gavin Sinclair  Offline
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Conover, North Carolina, USA
You seem to be chanelling Van Morrison smile That's a compliment.

I'd like to know what her secret was, but I don't need to to enjoy the song.

#1173304 - 01/17/21 01:11 PM Re: Strawberries [Re: ant]  
Joined: Dec 2006
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ant Offline
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California
That you Guy and Gavin. And Gavin that's a huge compliment, thank you.

..ant


My albums "Rhythms of Life" and "Out On The Road" are on Bandcamp, Spotify and Apple Music.
#1173314 - 01/17/21 03:49 PM Re: Strawberries [Re: ant]  
Joined: Oct 2019
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Hi ant - well we used to call this R&B in the old days.
I especially like the bass and lead vocals in this and the hook/lyrics are great.
I think it could use a better build instrumentally and it could stand a haircut of about 60 secs smile
Really liked the swinging vibe though
Paul

#1173330 - 01/18/21 03:22 AM Re: Strawberries [Re: ant]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,071
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Good one Ant
The intro reminded very much of a song of mine on Soundclick called Blood not Brian. Totally different genre but a coincidence.
Good song, best of luck with it
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1173337 - 01/18/21 11:01 PM Re: Strawberries [Re: ant]  
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,546
Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Nashville, TN
I love the visuals, but as the saying goes with a song like this... "show me, don't tell me". Think of the song Strawberry Wine. (wish I could have written that one)... but.................there needs to be a payoff somewhere.......... My first kiss was great and I remember it to this day... yup.. I got that.................... were your hands shaking, could you feel her warm breath.... ? Did you wonder what those lips would feel like against yours, would you mess it up? I have no idea what guys feel about their first kiss........ but ....................... my question is........ who are these two people and why do I care about them? And dang dude, that's alot of fruit for one song! (grin).............. Not bashing........ just askin. Love ya!


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#1173355 - 01/19/21 05:16 PM Re: Strawberries [Re: ant]  
Joined: Nov 2011
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E Swartz Offline
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Posts: 3,654
Ohio
Hey Ant!

A great feel good song and one many can relate with--first kisses were special. I feel like you're drawing a bit from John Melancamp with this arrangement and vibe. Its a fun pop song with kind of a early 80's vibe for me. I liked it and you you have a good one here IMO. I do think the weakest line is the 3rd line vs one--you might find a more interesting descriptive phrase there--JMO.

So is this really you????? My first kiss was on a bus taking 7th graders to a roller rink--same type thing, I was asked to close my eyes when the girl in the seat behind me traded places with my pal--my life changed from that moment on......

steady-eddie

#1173386 - 01/20/21 09:04 AM Re: Strawberries [Re: ant]  
Joined: Jan 2011
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Ricky Layne Offline
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Oregon
Like the song a lot!

I think going up in the chorus as you do towards the end is the right call for most of the other choruses. (Maybe not the first one) then you could still find ways to lift it more on that final chorus.

It's got a good sound and is a very enjoyable listen.

#1173514 - 01/24/21 10:06 AM Re: Strawberries [Re: ant]  
Joined: Jan 2011
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Ricky Layne Offline
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Ricky Layne  Offline
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Oregon
... oh and John Mellencamp would fit as a descriptor perfectly.

#1173544 - 01/25/21 12:18 AM Re: Strawberries [Re: ant]  
Joined: Jul 2011
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IronKnee Offline
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Hawaii
Oh ya....I get the Van Morrison vibe. Very uplifting and upbeat.
Cheerful. Puts a smile on me face ;-)
Good songwriting, man!
-T

#1173550 - 01/25/21 07:39 AM Re: Strawberries [Re: ant]  
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 980
JAPOV Online happy
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JAPOV  Online Happy
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I think all you need is to crunch the lyrics a bit... reduce some syllables here-n-there. smile

"And honey too..." kinda' gets lost...

"She tasted like strawberries..... and sugar
Sweet cherries... She still makes me wonder" ?

Nice one Ant smile

#1173837 - 02/09/21 05:40 PM Re: Strawberries [Re: ant]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 786
ant Offline
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ant  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 786
California
Thanks for the feedback everyone, sorry for the delay getting back here.

Paul: I think I know what you're saying and I've made a few runs at adding a bit more build especially at the bridge, but so far no luck. I would love to find a way for the violin to accent between the lines but I've never been good at that. May try again later.

Eddie: You got it, the arrangement of Cherry Bomb (with accordion and violin) was an influence.

IronKnee: Yes, Van is a big influence overall.

Travis, Kay-lynn, Ricky, JAPOV: thank you for your thoughts.

..ant


My albums "Rhythms of Life" and "Out On The Road" are on Bandcamp, Spotify and Apple Music.

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