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#1172206 - 12/08/20 02:48 AM Everything’s On The Line  
Joined: Jul 2011
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IronKnee Offline
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IronKnee  Offline
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Hawaii
Hi Everyone....got a new song......any and all comments are appreciated, and first impressions are most welcome.
Thanks......
-Tom

“Everything’s On The Line”
by Tom Tognaci

https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=14155662


They’re hosing down Uncle Sam,
Just to hung him out to dry
Everything’s all on the line
Sweet lady Liberty has been given a black eye
Everything’s all on the line

Pray and hope, young man….like you mean it, this time
Pray and hope, young man….’cause, everything’s on the line

Circle them wagons boys….
the mobs are out for blood
Everything’s all on the line
The swamp is growing heavy
And we’re waist deep in the mud
Everything’s all on the line

Pray and hope, young man….like you mean it, this time
Pray and hope, young man….’cause, everything’s on the line

Send lawyers, guns, and money
the [naughty word removed] has hit the fan
Everything’s all on the line
The word is out, the fix is in
And they’ve taken Michigan
Everything’s all on the line

Keep the faith boys, hold the line
Keep the faith, that light will shine

Pray and hope, young man….like you mean it, this time
Pray and hope, young man….’cause, everything’s on the line

Last edited by IronKnee; 12/12/20 01:55 PM.
#1172210 - 12/08/20 10:09 AM Re: Everything’s On The Line [Re: IronKnee]  
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E Swartz Offline
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Ohio
Hi Tom,

I'm getting a Buddy Holly feel with this song if he were here in the current times with his style. I do think with today's music lyrics, you're story would benefit from "maybe" only having the first verse end with the "Everything's on the line"--or "at least" use that tag line on verse end lines only." This will give the chorus that song title exclusivity and will empower your chorus; by not "milking" that line as much and give you more opportunity for descriptive story, such as examples of "what you think is on the line?" I would also keep some of the "held" notes a little shorter so those held notes so that they don't become as predictable--too many held notes can drag on a song--JMO.

I think your bridge launches fine, but would be better served not holding notes there to better differentiate and strengthen the bridge's identity, allowing more change/digression as a bridge is designed to do. Maybe add a 3rd line if needed by the shortening of held notes--this will make the bridge more "exclamatory." Again, JMO for what it is worth.

I like what you have started, great start, and potential--nice work!

steady-eddie


Last edited by E Swartz; 12/08/20 10:22 AM.
#1172288 - 12/10/20 01:45 AM Re: Everything’s On The Line [Re: IronKnee]  
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IronKnee Offline
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Hey there Steady.............thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate the comments, as they are some well defined food for thought.

Seems a bit slow around here.......................

#1172290 - 12/10/20 02:41 AM Re: Everything’s On The Line [Re: IronKnee]  
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JAPOV Offline
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This could easily evolve into something a lot louder and hard hitting! smile

#1172370 - 12/11/20 01:31 PM Re: Everything’s On The Line [Re: IronKnee]  
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Vicarn Online content
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Excellent Tom. Love the sound of that guitar.
Steve Earle springs to mind.
In my mind I'm sitting in a bar listening to this live.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1172376 - 12/11/20 11:44 PM Re: Everything’s On The Line [Re: Vicarn]  
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IronKnee Offline
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Originally Posted by Vicarn
Excellent Tom. Love the sound of that guitar.
Steve Earle springs to mind.
In my mind I'm sitting in a bar listening to this live.

Vic


Funny............I was wondering what "Vic" would think of this song. Really.
I'm very glad you like it..............I think, what you do in music is top notch, and I am very happy that you found favor with this.
Thank, man!
-Tom

#1172379 - 12/12/20 03:48 AM Re: Everything’s On The Line [Re: IronKnee]  
Joined: Jun 2011
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Travis david Online content
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Good song Tom and well placed on the Soundclick charts asvwell
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1172386 - 12/12/20 10:28 AM Re: Everything’s On The Line [Re: IronKnee]  
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Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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I think the courts pretty much stopped them taking Michigan LOL.

Obviously, I need to take the political views expressed out of it and concentrate on the song. I actually think this is really good. It has a controlled anger, a kind of quiet snarling, an implicit menace and an authenticity that should find an echo with those who think this way. Definitely a case of knowing your audience. smile

Is the spelling of "waste" a typo or deliberate? It kind of works spelled like that.

#1172397 - 12/12/20 01:54 PM Re: Everything’s On The Line [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jul 2011
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IronKnee Offline
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IronKnee  Offline
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Originally Posted by Travis david
Good song Tom and well placed on the Soundclick charts asvwell
John


Thank you, John.................I appreciate it!


Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair
I think the courts pretty much stopped them taking Michigan LOL.

Obviously, I need to take the political views expressed out of it and concentrate on the song. I actually think this is really good. It has a controlled anger, a kind of quiet snarling, an implicit menace and an authenticity that should find an echo with those who think this way. Definitely a case of knowing your audience. smile

Is the spelling of "waste" a typo or deliberate? It kind of works spelled like that.


Hi Gavin.........you can leave the politics in. It's intrinsic.
Thanks for listening and commenting. "waste" is a typo...however, I like the way you think!!
Thanks, again!!

And thanks to all who have listened!
-Tom

#1172490 - 12/16/20 05:07 PM Re: Everything’s On The Line [Re: IronKnee]  
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Steve Altonian Offline
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Los Angeles, California
Your VERSES are absolutely freakin' awesome on this tune...First one expecially


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1172600 - 12/20/20 08:55 PM Re: Everything’s On The Line [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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IronKnee Offline
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IronKnee  Offline
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Hawaii
Originally Posted by Steve Altonian
Your VERSES are absolutely freakin' awesome on this tune...First one expecially


Thanks a bunch Steve.......................I'm glad you like it!!!
Awesome,
-Tom

#1173173 - 01/09/21 02:02 PM Re: Everything’s On The Line [Re: IronKnee]  
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 10
Calcoic Offline
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Calcoic  Offline
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Posts: 10
Washington State
This song you wrote is timeless after recent events.


CALCOIC
#1173190 - 01/10/21 02:53 PM Re: Everything’s On The Line [Re: IronKnee]  
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 123
Songbird52 Offline
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Songbird52  Offline
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Really good. Fits the mood of today. Nice ominous feeling.


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