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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,262 Likes: 19
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2011
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Hi Everyone....got a new song......any and all comments are appreciated, and first impressions are most welcome. Thanks...... -Tom “Everything’s On The Line” by Tom Tognaci https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=14155662They’re hosing down Uncle Sam, Just to hung him out to dry Everything’s all on the line Sweet lady Liberty has been given a black eye Everything’s all on the line Pray and hope, young man….like you mean it, this time Pray and hope, young man….’cause, everything’s on the line Circle them wagons boys…. the mobs are out for blood Everything’s all on the line The swamp is growing heavy And we’re waist deep in the mud Everything’s all on the line Pray and hope, young man….like you mean it, this time Pray and hope, young man….’cause, everything’s on the line Send lawyers, guns, and money the [naughty word removed] has hit the fan Everything’s all on the line The word is out, the fix is in And they’ve taken Michigan Everything’s all on the line Keep the faith boys, hold the line Keep the faith, that light will shine Pray and hope, young man….like you mean it, this time Pray and hope, young man….’cause, everything’s on the line
Last edited by IronKnee; 12/12/20 02:55 PM.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
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Hi Tom,
I'm getting a Buddy Holly feel with this song if he were here in the current times with his style. I do think with today's music lyrics, you're story would benefit from "maybe" only having the first verse end with the "Everything's on the line"--or "at least" use that tag line on verse end lines only." This will give the chorus that song title exclusivity and will empower your chorus; by not "milking" that line as much and give you more opportunity for descriptive story, such as examples of "what you think is on the line?" I would also keep some of the "held" notes a little shorter so those held notes so that they don't become as predictable--too many held notes can drag on a song--JMO.
I think your bridge launches fine, but would be better served not holding notes there to better differentiate and strengthen the bridge's identity, allowing more change/digression as a bridge is designed to do. Maybe add a 3rd line if needed by the shortening of held notes--this will make the bridge more "exclamatory." Again, JMO for what it is worth.
I like what you have started, great start, and potential--nice work!
steady-eddie
Last edited by E Swartz; 12/08/20 11:22 AM.
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Joined: Jul 2011
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Hey there Steady.............thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate the comments, as they are some well defined food for thought.
Seems a bit slow around here.......................
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Joined: Jun 2019
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This could easily evolve into something a lot louder and hard hitting!
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
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Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
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Excellent Tom. Love the sound of that guitar. Steve Earle springs to mind. In my mind I'm sitting in a bar listening to this live.
Vic
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Joined: Jul 2011
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Excellent Tom. Love the sound of that guitar. Steve Earle springs to mind. In my mind I'm sitting in a bar listening to this live.
Vic
Funny............I was wondering what "Vic" would think of this song. Really. I'm very glad you like it..............I think, what you do in music is top notch, and I am very happy that you found favor with this. Thank, man! -Tom
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
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Good song Tom and well placed on the Soundclick charts asvwell John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143 Likes: 26
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I think the courts pretty much stopped them taking Michigan LOL. Obviously, I need to take the political views expressed out of it and concentrate on the song. I actually think this is really good. It has a controlled anger, a kind of quiet snarling, an implicit menace and an authenticity that should find an echo with those who think this way. Definitely a case of knowing your audience. Is the spelling of "waste" a typo or deliberate? It kind of works spelled like that.
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,262 Likes: 19
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Good song Tom and well placed on the Soundclick charts asvwell John Thank you, John.................I appreciate it! I think the courts pretty much stopped them taking Michigan LOL. Obviously, I need to take the political views expressed out of it and concentrate on the song. I actually think this is really good. It has a controlled anger, a kind of quiet snarling, an implicit menace and an authenticity that should find an echo with those who think this way. Definitely a case of knowing your audience. Is the spelling of "waste" a typo or deliberate? It kind of works spelled like that. Hi Gavin.........you can leave the politics in. It's intrinsic. Thanks for listening and commenting. "waste" is a typo...however, I like the way you think!! Thanks, again!! And thanks to all who have listened! -Tom
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 844 Likes: 1
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 844 Likes: 1 |
Your VERSES are absolutely freakin' awesome on this tune...First one expecially
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,262 Likes: 19
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2011
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Your VERSES are absolutely freakin' awesome on this tune...First one expecially Thanks a bunch Steve.......................I'm glad you like it!!! Awesome, -Tom
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Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 10
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 10 |
This song you wrote is timeless after recent events.
CALCOIC
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Joined: May 2020
Posts: 123
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 123 |
Really good. Fits the mood of today. Nice ominous feeling.
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,262 Likes: 19
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,262 Likes: 19 |
This song you wrote is timeless after recent events.
Thanks...............I think of it as a snap shot pic in time. Really good. Fits the mood of today. Nice ominous feeling. Thanks Songbird52!! I appreciate it! And thanks to all who have listened! -Tom
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