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Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 64
Serious Contributor
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 64 |
Hi guys, This one is intended to be a little disturbing. In fact, I tried to tone it down a bit by changing the opening line to French instead of English so that I wouldn't scare listeners off right away. (My son said I should restore it, but I don't know). The original line in English was "I'm gonna kill you in my mind". I even wimped out in the middle 8 ("I won't hurt you..."). The singer really doesn't want to kill her - he's just really pissed off at her. There are electronic noises that appeared when added and altered affects. I kinda liked them, so I left them in. https://soundcloud.com/d-j-simons-1/in-my-mindIn My Mind (by Daniel Simons) Je vais te tuer dans mon esprit. In my mind, in my mind. Oh, I'll commit the perfect crime, perfect crime of all time. I cannot live without you. I cannot live with you about me. Your life is like an hour glass - an hour glass measures time. I'll just pretend that you have passed all the sand, ground so fine. I cannot live without you. I cannot live with you about me. I won't hurt you - whatever you do. I'll just unwind your clock in my mind. In My Mind. Instrumental I cannot live without you. I cannot live with you about me. I'm gonna kill you in my mind. In my mind, in my mind. Oh, I'll commit the perfect crime, perfect crime of all time. Thanks, Dan
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,973 Likes: 85
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,973 Likes: 85 |
Very "Nirvana'esc"... I think I like it lol
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143 Likes: 26
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143 Likes: 26 |
I listened with headphones, and the bass hurt my head. This might be because I like to listen loud. I like the loose, messy feel of this. It feels real. I couldn't always make out the lyrics, but that's probably OK for this style. You might want to work on your French though LOL. I enjoyed listening to this.
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Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 64
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 64 |
Thanks JAPOV. I really liked Nirvana, coincidently. I think Kurt Cobain was 5 when I wrote this, though. (And I had the flannel shirts to prove it, too)!
Dan
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Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 64
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Hi Gavin, I'm sorry I hurt your head. I'll tone down the bass a bit, if you think that will help the song. I'll also try to make the vocals more clear. (Maybe I should start writing Industrial Metal music so I won't have to worry about clearly enunciating my lyrics). I may change that French lyric back to English. I love French, but I struggle with it beyond "Bonjour". I did want the song to sound as if the singer had stuff going on in his head. I'm glad you liked that aspect of it! Dan
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143 Likes: 26
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Joined: May 2017
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Just pronounce the syllables that seeme to be missing, or are maybe just not audible (in capitals below).
Je vais te tuER DANS mon esprit. Very approximately Je vais te tu-EH DONG mon esprit.
Fine tradition of inserting French into songs, although usually more than one line - Psycho Killer from the Talking Heads and Denis Denis from Blondie come to mind.
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Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 64
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 64 |
Hi Gavin, Yeah, that's how I'm actually pronouncing or, rather, mumbling it, believe it or not. With my New England accent, Alexa has a fit when I tell her to find South Park. And yes, Psycho Killer is one of my all-time favorite songs, so that's likely where this thought came from. (Not to mention "Michelle").
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