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#523199 - 07/18/07 01:26 AM River With Nowhere To Run  
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 510
Jody K Smith Offline
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Jody K Smith  Offline
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Magnolia, TX
A River With Nowhere To Run
copyright 2007 J.K. Smith

I'm a river with nowhere to run
Awash in a fiery sun
A stranger to the sea
Damned like you and me
I'm a river with nowhere to run

I'm a rainbow with no hue to hold
With a treasure of fool's gold
Lost to an endless sky
Spent like you and I
I'm a rainbow with no hue to hold

I'm a teardrop with no place to fall
A shadow with no space to crawl
A seed that won't be sown
For a love that can't be known
No, no, no, no . . .

(bridge)
Am I a prisoner here, an angel with no means to fly
Earthbound with no reason why . . . I guess love
Is never . . . never enough

I'm a river with nowhere to run
Awash in a fiery sun
A stranger to the sea
Damned like you and me
I'm a river with nowhere to run

Yeah, I'm a river with nowhere to run

#523202 - 07/18/07 01:43 AM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Jody K Smith]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,867
Heidi Thompson Offline
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NV
Jody,
You have a wonderfully poetic lyric here. Great use of words to create both imagery and emotion. A lovely read. Glad you saw, "Meatballs!"


"And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." Paul McCartney
#523207 - 07/18/07 02:14 AM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Jody K Smith]  
Joined: Jul 2006
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Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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California
Hi Jody,

This is absolutely gorgeous!

There's an immediacy to this. The images leap out and grab me; very sad too--save for a momentary respite with "damned"... it gets more personal as it goes, then in the bridge, the singer reveals her feelings about love, and its devastating...not just what's said, but the pacing of it all...

Very moving for me smile ...from one Bill Murray fan to another, it's really good to hear from you!!!

Mike




Last edited by closemike; 07/18/07 02:18 AM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#523208 - 07/18/07 02:19 AM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Heidi Thompson]  
Joined: May 2007
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Marlene Palmer Offline
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Southern AZ
Here's what I like about these lyrics. Even though it is poetic, as you say, it is still understandable. It gives the listener something concrete to put into the mind and imagine. Rivers with nowhere to go, rainbows losing their hue. The third verse,(or is it the second) with all the loose ended cliches, give us the total picture of a lost soul.
Your bridge gives us just enough to make our own conclusion. It works. You have actually taken, what could be a poem and made it a song. I'm impressed.

#523212 - 07/18/07 02:51 AM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Marlene Palmer]  
Joined: Aug 2002
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Emily Sanders Offline
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Emily Sanders  Offline
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Santa Monica, CA
VERY nice, Jody. I agree with Marlene's comments smile

Emily

#523239 - 07/18/07 06:13 AM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Emily Sanders]  
Joined: Apr 2002
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Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi Jody,

This is very nicely put together.

Here's what I like best...
I'm a teardrop with no place to fall
A shadow with no space to crawl

Real good stuff !


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#523279 - 07/18/07 11:07 AM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Jody K Smith]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Joice Marie Offline
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Joice Marie  Offline
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Cornish Flat, NH, USA
Yeah Jody !

Ditto to all the kudos...I'm a big fan of poetry as song. smile Really nice stuff in this one and very well written. smile jm


perfection is unattainable, excellence is totally within reach

http://www.youtube.com/joicemarie
http://www.myspace.com/lemonmcfartney
#523362 - 07/18/07 03:00 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Joice Marie]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,935
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Joined: Dec 2000
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Jody, I was drawn in by your title and the vss didn't disappoint. one of the best things I've seen on the Net in ages. really well done. smile


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#523399 - 07/18/07 04:59 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: couchgrouch]  
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nightingale Offline
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lagos,Nigeria
this is a masterpiece,it speaks to the soul.


odk
#523440 - 07/18/07 06:37 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: nightingale]  
Joined: Apr 2001
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Wyman Lloyd Offline
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Missouri
Dang Jody, you impressed Couch!!!!<G>
Poetic it is. but as I've often said about the old time poets like Kipling and Longfellow. This poem--song like a lot of their stuff, sings right off the page so to speak. The rhythm, melody, the whole works is inherent in the words. All the singer has to do is sing what's there.
Very good work
Wy

#523445 - 07/18/07 06:48 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Jody K Smith]  
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,963
Charlann Shepherd Offline
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Charlann Shepherd  Offline
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Burlington, KY, USA
Hey Jody!

Beautiful! Very poetic, but the words you've chosen speak volumes.

Charlann

#523448 - 07/18/07 06:56 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Jody K Smith]  
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 9,649
Two Singers Offline
Two Singers  Offline

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Northern Alabama
Jody,

As all th eothers have said, this is very, very nicely done! I love songs when the title is the very first sentence...when and if it works. And it works masterfully (is that a word???) here. There are few songs in which that does work.

I also like the mental space of the bridge. You say how the singer feels, yet there is space for everyone to put their own meaning to it. That's another difficult task that you pulled off quite nicely.

In case you haven't figured it out, I like this one! Very nice job, indeed.

Al

#523541 - 07/19/07 12:20 AM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Two Singers]  
Joined: Nov 2005
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bailey bridges Offline
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bailey bridges  Offline
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USA
Hi Jody,

Marvelous work. Stunning. Graceful, yet strikes deeply to the origin of a most universal turmoil.

I'm so proud of you. And so glad you shared this here. This deserves a very special melody. Your last one was very pretty. Perhaps you'll develop the melody that's certainly there in your soul if you haven't already. Would love to hear it when you do.

smile
Vanessa

#523550 - 07/19/07 12:52 AM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: bailey bridges]  
Joined: Jan 2006
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Jody K Smith Offline
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Jody K Smith  Offline
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Magnolia, TX
Wow, you folks really know how to lift a girl's spirit . . . and you've definitely done that for me today. smile

Heidi,
Ya know, it was just one of those downer days . . . flipping through the channels and there it was -- Meatballs!! (and I hadn't seen it in years!). I thought "yeah, that's exactly what I need." Sorta silly really, but it made me feel better grin Anyway, thank you so much for your comments. They are SO appreciated.

Mike,
I'm so happy to see you back on the boards. I know your presence was missed. It feels so good to know that the emotion reached you . . . I always have those moments of "what if noone gets this but me?" and I was especially worried about that on this one. Thank you for your kind words.

Marlene,
I'm so glad you find that this works. I honestly was not sure that it would. Like I told Mike, I was concerned that it made sense to me, but that nobody else would "tune in". So happy you did. Thank You!

Emily,
I was very flattered by Marlene's comments . . . and yours as well. Thank you for stopping by.

Calvin,
Good to see you. Hey, I like those lines too smile Thanks bunches.

JM,
Thanks for the "ditto". It's always good to hear from you. Thanks!


J.K. Smith
#523555 - 07/19/07 01:04 AM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Jody K Smith]  
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 197
Songdog Offline
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Songdog  Offline
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Jody,Songdog here.

This is a very sharp hook without any disappointments!

#523562 - 07/19/07 01:25 AM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Songdog]  
Joined: May 2007
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HeatherMorris Offline
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HeatherMorris  Offline
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Nashville TN
love the hook !! caught my attention from the get go ..very nice...and beautifully written : ) way to go ! Heather

#523645 - 07/19/07 12:35 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: HeatherMorris]  
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 510
Jody K Smith Offline
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Jody K Smith  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2006
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Magnolia, TX
Couch,
You really made my day. Thank you. smile Stop back anytime (even if next time you hafta tell me it's a stinky pile of poo wink )

Nightingale,
You're too kind, but thank you nonetheless.

Wy,
No one's more surprised than me! Thank you for the wonderful compliment . . . gives a girl lots of encouragement and I appreciate it!

Charlann,
Thank you for the "beautiful". Means a lot.

Al,
"Masterfully" sounds like a word to me grin Then again, I tend to make up words all the time . . . either way, the key is that you thought it did work . . . and that pleases me to no end. I'm especially glad the bridge worked. I knew this would need a bridge (at the very least it would be needed musically since there is no chorus) but I wasn't quite sure how to say what I wanted without dragging it out too far. So . . . thank you Al. smile

Vanessa,
Thank You! I'm glad I shared this as well. It has reassured me that it's ok to take this turn every once in awhile . . . the poetic feel of it all. At the time, it was just the best way I could think of to describe how I was feeling. There is a melody stuck in my head for this and I was thinking how it'd be nice to have a device I could just plug into my brain and transfer the melody right over. wink On second thought, there's probably someone somewhere working on that very thing right now and that's a scary thought!! eek Anyway, I may try to set a melody for this . . . but every time I do, something gets lost in translation and it never turns out the way I hear it. Making melodies myself is really a result of necessity since I don't have any co-writers to work with . . . but I'd really like to hear this one so maybe I'll give it a try. Thanks Vanessa.

Songdog,
I thank you kindly!! smile

Heather,
Glad it caught your attention. Thank you very much.

Wish I could find a better (more eloquent) way to say "thanks" than "thanks" . . . but I'm at a loss for words . . . so THANKS!! grin


J.K. Smith
#523662 - 07/19/07 01:20 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Jody K Smith]  
Joined: Jul 2006
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Sofa King Bixby Offline
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home and loving it
Jody,

Good Write, don't hold back anymore, you only live once. lay it out there.

-steve


"sing along little hotties in those wet t-shirts" -Tricia "angel" Baker


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=718667
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/stephenbixby
#523666 - 07/19/07 01:41 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Sofa King Bixby]  
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Wyman Lloyd Offline
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Missouri
Uh, I doubt you'll have to wait long for a co writer Jody ,if you really want one <G>
Wy

#523689 - 07/19/07 03:20 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
Joined: May 2004
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Sam Wilson Offline
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Sam Wilson  Offline
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Nashville, TN USA
Jody, this is the prettiest lyric that I have seen here....

You've taken the whole fish out of water theme and made a beautiful lyric out of it.
I, too, feel like this most of the time, so just know that you're not alone.

I am willing to co-write with you anytime, just shout, OK?


Co-Write Friendly.....Look at my blog on My Space.

http://www.cherokee46x@yahoo.com
http://www.myspace.com/ronnievanzantfan
http://www.facebook.com/sambwilson

Ronnie Van Zant fan
#523697 - 07/19/07 04:07 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Sam Wilson]  
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Wyman Lloyd Offline
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Missouri
What snake said Jody---naah. you don't need any lyric help for sure and that's my strong suit, (least I "thought" it was till I read this <G>)
Wy

#523831 - 07/19/07 11:45 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
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Lynn Orloff Offline
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Lynn Orloff  Offline
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PA of the great USA
Hi Jody,

This lyric flowed like a river for me. One thing to consider (and only as a possibility).... I read that you said each verse grows progressively stronger and that may do the trick, but my concern was that while the read of the lyric minus the melody kept me intrigued, I am wondering that when the music is added if you keep the format above, that the change or melodic break at the bridge may be too long a wait. My concern is that when you or someone puts a melody to it (and I hope you give that a try) would be not for the melody to become redundant waiting to get to the bridge since you have 3 verses prior and not the normal two (as in the typical verse, verse, bridge, verse format) A possible remedy (if that became the case) would be to change format to verse, verse, bridge, verse (and possibly part with one of your verses) or have verse, verse, bridge, verse, verse bridge (keeping all four verses but breaking them up with a bridge and repeating that bridge at the very end. I say this only because when it comes down to the melody part you don't want the listener waiting too long for that melodic break. Just something to think about. What you wrote was unique, poetic and beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

Best,
Lynn


My Music at Soundclick
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=788266

~call it a blessing or call it a curse, but I see all of life in verse~

Always open to collaborations smile

God Bless Our Military!!!
#523835 - 07/19/07 11:55 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Lynn Orloff]  
Joined: Feb 2006
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bholt Offline
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Highlands, NC
It is a lovely lyric, Jody. Haven't seen any comments to the contrary here! When I write poetically, as I do from time to time, I usually think of it fitting more into the folk genre. I would think this would, too.


Betty J. Holt
#524019 - 07/20/07 02:31 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: bholt]  
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Heidi Thompson Offline
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NV
Hey Jody,
Except for having a bridge, this lyric lays out for me in a similar way as did "The Rose," where each verse built up both musically and with vocal harmony as they go. (I am probably hearing your imaginary music in my head as well). The words tell you that it's a ballad. I am sure these lyrics will almost write their own melody. The powerful ones usually do.


"And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." Paul McCartney
#524031 - 07/20/07 03:03 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Heidi Thompson]  
Joined: Feb 2006
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John Hoffman Offline
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John Hoffman  Offline
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St. Peters, Mo.
Jody,
poetry allows us to reflect on the words and so to enjoy them much longer. It usually does not work in a lyric. Some great songs have been written with a poetic tone. Heidi mentioned "The Rose". You have done it here.

You used more than one image but they are all similar. These images are lacking the one thing that makes them significant. AND your primary image/hook is ACTION. And what it's missing is a place to do its thing.

It adds up to looking for love. So what about love? "a love that can't be known" and "love is never enough" either don't quite get direct enough to be clear or could be confusing.

Unless she's found that he/she is infertile. If that's the seed that can't be sown it all makes perfect sense.

Jody, again this is beautifully written. You even got Mr. George off the couch.

Have Fun,
John




Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
#524053 - 07/20/07 04:13 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: John Hoffman]  
Joined: Jan 2006
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Jody K Smith Offline
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Jody K Smith  Offline
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Magnolia, TX

Steve,
(What a beautiful baby!!)
Thanks . . . you are absolutely right - I just gotta be reminded every once in awhile. Hope you are staying cool. smile

Wy,
You say the nicest things . . . Tricia's right, you ARE sweet (and if you come back arguin' about it we're gonna be here a while cuz I won't concede! wink ) Thanks Wy.

Snake,
Thanks so much . . . I guess we've all felt this way at some point or another. I'll certainly keep your name in mind too . . . ya just never know what lies ahead.

Lynn,
Thanks for taking to time to go into detail on your suggestion for the music. I appreciate that so much. It is something I will definitely consider if it gets to that next stage. Some re-ordering may be needed, but I'd like to keep the bridge in there just once because I was hoping for that to sorta be a climax musically/emotionally and don't know if it would work twice. And I was just wanting the final verse to follow the bridge for the same type of reasons (only it'd be soft again after the climax). Nevertheless, I wouldn't want the music to get boring . . . so we'll just have to see how it goes. I'll keep it all in mind. Thanks a million Lynn!

Betty,
Thanks for stopping by . . . folk could probably work. I'll keep that in mind.


J.K. Smith
#524057 - 07/20/07 04:38 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Jody K Smith]  
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 510
Jody K Smith Offline
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Jody K Smith  Offline
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Posts: 510
Magnolia, TX
Heidi,
Hey what are you doing in here? Inside my head? wink
That's ok, you can stay . . . plenty of room in here anyways!!

Actually, maybe you ARE hearing what I'm hearing . . . that would make me happy. I think it needs to grow stronger throughout musically in order for the emotion to be fully felt (have I already said that a gazillion times?). Thanks for bringing up "The Rose" (I prefer Conway's version - not that we're discussing that) but I think that song is a really good example of poetry working in a song. I know this could never measure up, but it's a great reference for me . . . in determining where to go from here.

Thanks Heidi!


J.K. Smith
#524083 - 07/20/07 06:32 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Jody K Smith]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
John W. Selleck Offline
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John W. Selleck  Offline
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Posts: 4,400
NJ
Hi Jody,

Finally weighing in with my 2 cents worth. I love it. It's very expressive. There are so many out there who say poetry and lyric are two different animals, not me!!! I think really great songs are, or feel like, poetry to music. Good luck with this one.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

www.soundclick.com/johnsings
www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes
#524661 - 07/22/07 09:56 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: John W. Selleck]  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278
Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Posts: 6,278
Bessemer,Al US
This is hauntingly beautiful, Jody. Makes me want to wrap my arms around the singer in an effort to try to console and reassure her.

Ben


Field of Dreams
#524689 - 07/22/07 11:24 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Ben Burton]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Wyman Lloyd Offline
Wyman Lloyd  Offline

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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Missouri
Quote . Tricia's right, you ARE sweet (and if you come back arguin' about it we're gonna be here a while cuz I won't concede! ) Thanks Wy

What'uz Tricia know anyway
Wy

#524885 - 07/23/07 05:18 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
Joined: Jan 2006
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Jody K Smith Offline
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Jody K Smith  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 510
Magnolia, TX
. . . sorry for being so s-l-o-w . . .

John H.
Thanks for your insight here. I guess I wanted to leave it a little open-ended . . . "take it as you will" sort of thing. Thanks!

John S.
Glad you stopped in and thank you.

Ben
Exactly what the singer could use . . . even if it's a virtual hug. Thank you very much.
smile

Wy - you crack me up!! grin


J.K. Smith
#525112 - 07/24/07 03:45 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Jody K Smith]  
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
John Hoffman Offline
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John Hoffman  Offline
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Posts: 3,199
St. Peters, Mo.
Jody,
lots of times it's best to leave things open ended. Maybe they'll sit back and reflect. I guess the line "love is never enough" seems out of place as everything else points to looking for love (not having found it). Again this is beautiful.

John


Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
#525139 - 07/24/07 05:41 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: John Hoffman]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788
Lynn Orloff Offline
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Lynn Orloff  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788
PA of the great USA
I just hope Jody is working on a beautiful melody for this. I know she can do it!


My Music at Soundclick
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=788266

~call it a blessing or call it a curse, but I see all of life in verse~

Always open to collaborations smile

God Bless Our Military!!!
#1171882 - 12/01/20 07:41 AM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Ben Burton]  
Joined: Nov 2020
Posts: 1
JKVercher Offline
Casual Observer
JKVercher  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Nov 2020
Posts: 1
Good Morning, All.

Wow, it's been a long time since I've been here. Another time, a different name (I'm Jody K Smith aka "Doodle). I recently learned of the passing of the prolific writer Ben Burton. It drew me here, where I met Ben and gained the opportunity to co-write and spar with him daily. He knew how to ruffle feathers, but man, was he a great writer and friend.

I'm not sure if his passing was mentioned here, nor do I know how many that knew him are still on JPFolks . . . but his memory has inspired me to come back to songwriting and I hope to interact with some of you soon.

p.s. this song, Ben, always reminds me of you. smile

~Doo

#1171961 - 12/02/20 02:44 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Jody K Smith]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,935
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,935
I'm glad to see I commented first time around. But I'll say it again, this is great.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1171981 - 12/02/20 08:12 PM Re: River With Nowhere To Run [Re: Jody K Smith]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 3,047
Fdemetrio Offline
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Fdemetrio  Offline
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Posts: 3,047
I think this is a poem, a really good one.

Its nice to see something with depth here, all it takes is some digging in.

For a song it probably needs some humanizing, its just a list of clever analogies.

I think the bridge tries to do that, but could be made even stronger.

Clever and creative!

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 12/02/20 08:13 PM.

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