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#1170570 - 11/03/20 08:02 AM LARAMIE (lingering love)  
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CTthomas Online content
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Written with a friend of mine.

Laramie

1st:
Sitting on the front porch looking at the light
The Gem city of the plains like a diamond in the night
I might leave this place tomorrow and drive down Laramie way
But I've done that to many times and know I couldn't stay

Chorus:
I know that I could be there in about an hours time
But it would open up those wounds again I've been trying to deny
So even though you're calling
And Laramie's on my mind
Let's leave Laramie as a memory I knew once upon a time

2nd:
The pain I have without you is much less than it would be
If I went there and found you and became a casualty
The love you once had for me became another plan
To find another cowboy who will live to play your game

Chorus:

3rd:
If your memory comes a calling then back I'd go again
There's no one that I'm fooling I know that I can't win
A cowboys life gets lonely when he's got no one to care
This place would be just perfect if Laramie wasn't there

Chorus:

4th:
Many years I've been working and hoping for the best
If those lights don't quit calling me I'll never make it through the rest
I love this job I'm doing keeps me going all the day
If I could keep off this front porch
When Laramie’s bright lights come to play

CODA
So even though you're calling
And Laramie's on my mind
Let's leave Laramie as a memory I knew once upon a time

Possible-I’ll leave Laramie as a memory I knew once upon a time

Rich Twidwell /Craig Kuchler c. 2020

Last edited by CTthomas; 11/19/20 06:05 PM.
#1170574 - 11/03/20 11:35 AM Re: LARAMIE [Re: CTthomas]  
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Mackie H. Offline
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Mackie H.  Offline
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I like this one--I still watch the show LARAMIE--I WAS STATIONED AT A MISSLE BASE OUT WEST!!!!!!

Brings back old memories!

I wrote a song ONCE UPON A TIME (your ending) Once upon a time I had your love!

Write on!

Mackie

#1170575 - 11/03/20 12:12 PM Re: LARAMIE [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Dec 2006
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Gary E. Andrews Online content
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A stronger last Line in your Chorus might include the title;
"Let's leave Laramie, as a memory I knew once upon a time."

How long does it take to sing through this? It looks long. The public attention span may not stay with it if it goes too long. If you don't have music for it, imagine a 7 to 10 second Introductory Movement, then sing through any Melody that feels natural, and imagine the time for the Coda at the end, and see if it's 'practical'. Can you keep an audience listening that long? Or does it need modification, paring down the Storyline to get a shorter Song? Whatever works, works.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1170606 - 11/04/20 11:54 AM Re: LARAMIE [Re: CTthomas]  
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Like your idea to change to Laramie as a memory. Adds to the hook and title. Songs coming in at plus or minus 3 minutes when I sing it. Need help doing music.

#1170608 - 11/04/20 11:57 AM Re: LARAMIE [Re: CTthomas]  
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beechnut79 Offline
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I remember the name Laramie as a focal point of the Old West. Don't know for sure if that is what you are referring to here.

#1170628 - 11/04/20 03:32 PM Re: LARAMIE [Re: CTthomas]  
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You are correct Brian the reference is to Laramie Wyoming.

Last edited by CTthomas; 11/05/20 12:06 AM.
#1170696 - 11/06/20 12:53 PM Re: LARAMIE [Re: CTthomas]  
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Gary E. Andrews Online content
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Let's leave Laramie as a memory I knew once upon a time

It occurred to me that the Singer-Character is addressing himself/herself (Seems either gender could sing this.) directly to the Love-Interest Character, including them in the suggestion in the last Line, so maybe:

Let's leave Laramie as a memory WE knew once upon a time.

Laramie (Once Upon A Time) (Longer title to trip the 'reader's' conceptualizing.)

Verse I:
Sitting on the front porch looking at the lights,
the Gem city of the plains, like a diamond in the night.
I might leave this place tomorrow and drive down Laramie way
I've done that too many times. I know I couldn't stay (Since you say 'I know...' here in VI Line 4, you could delete it in the Chorus Line 1.)

Chorus:
I could be there in about an hour's time
It would open up those wounds I've been trying to deny (Do you need 'But' to start this Line?)
So even though you're calling
And Laramie's on my mind
Let's leave Laramie as a memory we knew Once Upon A Time

Verse II:
The pain I have without you is much less than it would be
If I CAME there and found you and became a casualty.
The love you once had for me became another plan
to find another cowboy who will live to play your game (The 'Hard Rhyme' of VI is abandoned here. I suggest you find a Hard Rhyme for either, 'plan' or 'game'. In VII, for a female POV, you'd simply change 'cowboy' to 'cowgirl'.)

2nd Repeat of Chorus:
I could be there in about an hour's time
It would open up those wounds I've been trying to deny
So even though you're calling
And Laramie's on my mind
Let's leave Laramie as a memory we knew Once Upon A Time

Verse III:
If your memory comes a calling then back I'd go again
There's no one that I'm fooling. I know that I can't win
I love this job I'm doing, keeps me going all the day
If I could keep off this front porch, when Laramie’s bright lights come to play (This Line has 16 syllables/Notes to sing. Line 4 in VI and VII have 13 and 14. That's a small variation in Melody, but a Singer might be able to make it work. Or, it might need tweaking. I like how it puts him back on that front porch, in the night, the city lights shining, just thinking.)

3rd Repeat of Chorus: (This could begin to run long, in the sense of 'getting the story told'. The listener attention span starts to be stretched, maybe beyond its limits. A 3rd Repeat risks 'monotony', the listener freed to drift off to his own thoughts instead of staying 'hooked', listening. This is the place where Song-Writers often employ a Bridge, with it's own Melody and 'beat', maybe a different Rhyme-Scheme, maybe short, just two Lines, or three, or four short Lines, and then come back with a final Chorus and Coda to end.)
I could be there in about an hour's time
It would open up those wounds I've been trying to deny
So even though you're calling
And Laramie's on my mind
Let's leave Laramie as a memory we knew Once Upon A Time

Verse IV: (This is the Verse I'd consider eliminating, if I wanted to make room for a Bridge, Lyrical or Instrumental, followed by that 3rd Repeat of Chorus, and Coda. Concepts here could be reduced to that short function of a Bridge.)
Many years I've been working and hoping for the best
If those lights don't quit calling me I'll never make it through the rest
A cowboy's life gets lonely when he's got no one to care
This place would be just perfect if Laramie wasn't there

CODA
So even though you're calling
And Laramie's on my mind
Let's leave Laramie as a memory we knew Once Upon A Time
I'll leave Laramie as a memory, I knew Once Upon A Time. (Possible variation to end, the Singer-Character leaving the Love-Interest Character out of the 'calculation', and just making a decision for himself.)


Rich Twidwell /Craig Kuchler c. 2020


Last edited by Gary E. Andrews; 11/06/20 12:54 PM.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1171946 - 12/02/20 10:33 AM Re: LARAMIE [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Sep 2019
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[i][/i]How about these changes Gary.

Laramie

1st:
Sitting on the front porch looking at the light
The Gem city of the plains like a diamond in the night
I might leave this place tomorrow and drive down Laramie way
But I've done that to many times and know I couldn't stay

PreChorus:
I know that I could be there in about an hours time
But it would open up those wounds again I've been trying to deny
So even though you're calling
And Laramie's on my mind
Let's leave Laramie as a memory I knew once upon a time

2nd:
The pain I have without you is much less than it would be
If I went there and found you and became a casualty
The love you once had for me became another plan
To find another cowboy who will live to play your game

Chorus:
So even though you're calling
And Laramie's on my mind
Let's leave Laramie as a memory I knew once upon a time

3rd:
If your memory comes a calling then back I'd go again
There's no one that I'm fooling I know that I can't win
A cowboys life gets lonely when he's got no one to care
This place would be just perfect if Laramie wasn't there

Chorus:
So even though you're calling
And Laramie's on my mind
Let's leave Laramie as a memory I knew once upon a time

4th:
Many years I've been working and hoping for the best
If those lights don't quit calling me I'll never make it through the rest
I love this job I'm doing keeps me going all the day
If I could keep off this front porch
When Laramie’s bright lights come to play

Chorus:
So even though you're calling
And Laramie's on my mind
I’ll leave Laramie as a memory we knew once upon a time

Last edited by CTthomas; 12/02/20 10:35 AM.
#1171949 - 12/02/20 12:59 PM Re: LARAMIE [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,976
Gary E. Andrews Online content
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That might work.
A Pre-Chorus, presented here as two Lines introducing the full Chorus, might be 'missed' by listeners if you only do it once. Or...
It might just be that little kink in their ear that makes them pay attention. The Melody would vary without two whole Lines, but that might work. The actual 3-Line Chorus might say everything that needs to be said after the story goes on through each other Verse.
Interesting. I love 'possibilities', things that break the expected patterns of Rhythm and Rhyme.
And that shorter Chorus will shorten the length of the Song considerably, even more radio friendly.
Songs need variation. The same-old-same-old four-Line Rhyme-Schemes still work but a little oddity now and then spices up the 'mix' of Song Structures, and can make one stand out among the rest. I've long recommended the Nursery Rhyme pattern (Little Miss Muffet) for that reason, two Lines, a third un-Rhymed; two more Lines, and a third (sixth) that picks up the Rhyme left hanging in the third. If it works, it works.

I'm noting that Line about her 'calling'. She's trying to restart the Laramie experience he seems to be dreading renewing.
That makes me think the 'we' instead of the 'I' in the title Line is appropriate, "Let's", 'let us', and 'we' go together.
In the last Line of the Song, he could make it 'I', as you have done, his final decision not to go into the 'trap'. Even: "I'll leave Laramie As A Memory I knew once upon a time." ('I'll' and 'I', instead of 'we'.)

And "Laramie As A Memory" is a possible title, more likely to stick in their heads when they read it, and hear it.
That extra Line in Verse IV might serve as a Coda effect, sung and a pause, then the final giving of the Chorus.



"Laramie" c. 2020 by Rich Twidwell /Craig Kuchler (Original Version, top of page, 11/3/20 compared to Rewrite 12/2/20)
"Laramie As A Memory" (Better title?)

Verse I (Unchanged. Should 'Gem City' be capitalized? Is that a common nickname for Laramie?)
Sitting on the front porch looking at the light
The Gem city of the plains like a diamond in the night
I might leave this place tomorrow and drive down Laramie way
But I've done that to many times and know I couldn't stay
('too', the extra 'o' is a clue to the meaning, excess, too many o's, too many times.)

Chorus: (Unchanged except for identifying two Lines as a Pre-Chorus)
Pre-Chorus:
I know that I could be there in about an hour's time
But it would open up those wounds again I've been trying to deny
(Chorus)
So even though you're calling
And Laramie's on my mind
Let's leave Laramie As A Memory I knew once upon a time

Verse II: (Unchanged. I wonder if Line 2 should be, "If I CAME there..." instead of "...WENT there." There's a nuance of difference in his conceptualizing, one that imagines arriving there, the expectation of her being present, the other him musing on the porch. Do you get that sense of the change of scene with those two words? Words have that power.)
The pain I have without you is much less than it would be
If I went there and found you and became a casualty ("If I came there...")
The love you once had for me became another plan (Your Rhyme-Scheme goes awry with 'plan/game')
To find another cowboy who will live to play your game

Chorus: (Changed: Omitting the Pre-Chorus)
So even though you're calling
And Laramie's on my mind
Let's leave Laramie As A Memory I (we?) knew once upon a time

Verse III: (Unchanged)
If your memory comes a calling then back I'd go again ('comes' or 'came'?)
There's no one that I'm fooling I know that I can't win
A cowboy's life gets lonely when he's got no one to care
This place would be just perfect if Laramie wasn't there (I like how he gets back to his 'place' and Laramie being right there, unmistakable by the lights, knowing one of them is hers. The video's gonna be great!)

Chorus:(Shortened version)

Verse IV: (Unchanged)
Many years I've been working and hoping for the best
If those lights don't quit calling me I'll never make it through the rest
I love this job I'm doing keeps me going all the day
If I could keep off this front porch
When Laramie’s bright lights come to play

Coda: (The Chorus, played/sung thoughtfully, to end, final Musical Passage, a Coda.)
So even though you're calling
And Laramie's on my mind
Let's leave Laramie As A Memory I knew once upon a time

Possible-I’ll leave Laramie as a memory I knew once upon a time (If you say "Let's" I'd say "we". IF you say " I'll I'd say "I".)
(Let's leave Laramie As A Memory we knew once upon a time.)
(I'll leave Laramie As A Memory I knew once upon a time.)

Last edited by Gary E. Andrews; 12/03/20 10:53 PM.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com

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