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#794752 - 02/10/10 06:04 PM Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Here is rough work tape of my FAWM song #5 about my favorite singer/songwriter friend.

[color:#990000][u][size:14pt]Kelli[/size][/u][/color]

Kelli Copyright © 2010 Colin Ward

V1
You have much more talent than you confess,
Half-rhymes scattered about,
The fly on the wall wishes success,
Your words scream please let me out

Ch
A voice in the night with unbridled soul,
Sings lyrics that come from the heart,
Your fingers circle rosewood and steel,
As they fret and hammer and dart

V2
So girl keep on singing and penning the words,
Why are you still hanging here?
Your music should take you as high as the birds,
Press on with no doubting or fear

Chorus

Bridge
It's tough to succeed in this world full of greed,
But talent will carry you through
Born with the gift that will give you the lift
To show them what you can do

V3
Your songs speak of things you have seen in the past,
Relationships, love and hard times,
The messages bring us pleasure that lasts,
We join in our favorite lines

Chorus


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#794777 - 02/10/10 07:34 PM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 223
Ken Damkier Offline
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Ken Damkier  Offline
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Posts: 223
Denmark
Nice tribute to your friend.
Very "English" and I like it(-:
Ken

#794785 - 02/10/10 07:44 PM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,301
Jan Petter Offline
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Jan Petter  Offline
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HAUGESUND,NORWAY
Colin , well performed and played !! I really enjoyed the listening.
Keep up the good work !!!
All the best
Jan


"You have to react to what's around you in the moment, whatever the music is.
Just think of it as some place you have to enter and you need to find the key."

#795033 - 02/11/10 09:27 AM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Jan Petter]  
Joined: May 2006
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Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

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Joined: May 2006
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Saint Petersburg. FL
Ken,

Thanks for listening - she is deserving of a tribute. Glad you like it.

Jan,

Glad you like it! Thanks


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#795066 - 02/11/10 11:39 AM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Jul 2005
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Scott Campbell Offline
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Lakeland, FL, USA
Nicely written tribute, Colin - love those internal rhymes in the bridge!

Yeah, sounds like an English folk song - like something Donovan might have done early on.

It's a keeper!

Scott

#795073 - 02/11/10 12:30 PM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Scott Campbell]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,757
niteshift Online content
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Fiji
Hey Colin,

Nice imagery, and well played. A different take on the Irish gig. Especially like "rosewood and steel", really cool contrast.

If working this up further, it's hard to decide which direction it could go in. Trad would be the easy pick, but also the REM type of treatment would work equally well.

Nice work, enjoyed the listen.

cheers, niteshift

#795098 - 02/11/10 03:05 PM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: niteshift]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Scott,

Thanks for listening. I'll take a Donovan similarity!

Geoff,

Thanks to you too. I will definitely get back to this after FAWM. I'll be shooting for a more modern sound of some sort.

Colin


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#795107 - 02/11/10 03:27 PM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 237
Tom Solanto Offline
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Tom Solanto  Offline
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Posts: 237
Long Island NY
I too like this.. I did hear a little bit of pitch but all in all very nice English sounding folk tune.

#795151 - 02/11/10 06:40 PM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Tom Solanto]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Hi Tom,

Thanks for listening and glad you like it. Just a rough work tape so no doubt it is pitchy and fumbly but with FAWM you just gotta do it and move on!


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#795219 - 02/11/10 10:58 PM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,108
Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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Posts: 5,108
California
Hi Colin,

I think V1 misses the mark. Lines 2 and 3 are kinda weak, imo. If you, Colin, are the "fly on the wall" wishing her success, perhaps "this fly on the wall/wishes success"

"Half rhymes" seems there to signify talent, but I think it's too much an insiders thing--"half rhymes" --I mean...not everyone is hip to the whole "Taylor Swift's Half-Rhyme Prowess" controversy.

Now the rest of this flows pretty good to me, and it's a nice gift for someone who sounds like they may just need some gentle nudging forward, and this is that, and a good song, to boot!

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 02/11/10 10:58 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#795318 - 02/12/10 10:07 AM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Michael Zaneski]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Mike,

Thanks for listening and for your thoughts on V1. I agree it needs tightening up. Will take your ideas to the rewrite!

olin


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#795332 - 02/12/10 11:14 AM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,998
Robert Pickens Offline
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Robert Pickens  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,998
Georgia
Colin....When I listened to this tune yesterday, my first thoughts were that I could see us in a pub in Ireland lifting a glass as this tune plays.....that was before I read the others critique......the flow of the tune is really good to me.....it keeps me listening.....I'm no writer, and a lot of times for me the words on the first go round are secondary...I have to be taken in by the music an the vocal, then I go back and listen more to the content.....that's me talking on how I do things....I think you hit the mark fine.....I know it's a work tape....so I say good job for the first round......Bob

#795367 - 02/12/10 12:46 PM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Robert Pickens]  
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 4,179
Tom Shea Offline
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Tom Shea  Offline
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Posts: 4,179
Nebraska
Simple and effective. It works.

Tom


Thomas Shea

Thomas Shea - Songwriting
http://www.soundclick.com/thomasshea

Justice - Songs
http://www.soundclick.com/justice-nebraska

#795549 - 02/12/10 10:16 PM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Tom Shea]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Bob,

Thanks for that - sounds like it worked for you.

Tom,

Nice to see you around again. Glad you like it.

Colin


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1171919 - 12/01/20 11:34 PM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,999
maccharles Offline
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maccharles  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,999
This is one of the most interesting things I have heard from you, sir.......for multiple reasons.

Ranging from sounds, arrangement, instrumentation choices,...........just saying, sounds good to my ears.

#1171922 - 12/02/20 03:18 AM Re: Kelli - FAWM #5 - Colin work tape [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,055
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,055
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
A good song Colin an old un but still hitting the right spot Dire Straights influenced maybe, there's a bit of it about apparently!
Yes a good listen
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

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