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#1171601 - 11/24/20 05:11 PM Join the Fight (a feminist anthem)  
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Leanne Marchand Offline
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Leanne Marchand  Offline
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Join the Fight

V1
Itís not your life
Itís not your story
Itís not your reverie
Itís not your strife
Itís not your worry
Itís only up to me

V2
Iím not your whore
Iím not your mother
Iím not your property
Iím so much more
Iím like no other
Iím who I want to be

V3
Donít think Iím weak
Because Iím kind
Through my own eyes I see
Iím gonna speak
Made up my mind
Fighting for equality


Chorus
Mulveyís male-gaze was lookiní
Judyís Dinner Party cookiní
(pause) Susan B. Anthony
Suffragist she was pissed
Bettyís Feminine Mystique
Stirred up lots of male critique
Steinem made Ms. Magazine
Guerilla Girls got their art seen
Ginsberg fought for equal rights
Now itís time I join the fight

(c) Leanne Marchand 2020

#1171606 - 11/24/20 06:49 PM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
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Gavin Sinclair Offline
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I like the rhyme scheme you chose for this. It gives it a kind of impetus and urgency.

The chorus might work well as a bridge between the second and third verses. I can hear it delivered with rhythmic speech, kind of rap style. You could then either just not have a chorus or come up with something else.

Or you could just leave it as it is. It was just a thought smile

Nice lyric.

#1171611 - 11/24/20 07:48 PM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
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Leanne Marchand Offline
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Thanks, Gavin. I had to write a feminist anthem for a Women in Art class I'm taking. The professor also works for a local radio station and wants to have a feminist song day. She wants me to come up with a melody for it so I'd thought I'd put it up on here for some tweaking first. Maybe V1, V2, Ch, V3, Ch might work?

#1171626 - 11/25/20 10:35 AM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
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John Voorpostel Offline
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I'm with Gavin in using that as a bridge, and returning to more things you are not, or perhaps better yet, focus on things you are

Do like where it's going


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

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#1171698 - 11/26/20 10:56 PM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
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Leanne Marchand Offline
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I like that idea. Thanks, John.

#1171703 - 11/27/20 04:07 AM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
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In making your Structural decisions you can ask and answer the question,
"How much exposition is 'Enough'?"
before it is time to get to the point, the main idea of the Lyric.
Will the Chorus strike home in a listener's judgment, to what the Verse has set up for after Verse I?
Or should it wait until after Verse II has done more exposition, exposing the situation the Singer-Character is trying to tell about?
Waiting until after Verse III might strain the attention span of a listener.
The 'Enough' concept is bounded by 'Not Enough' and 'Too Much'. If it takes three Verses to adequately set up to get to the point the listener may drift off to their own thoughts. Verses ideally 'Repeat' the Melody identically, or nearly so, each time. A third Verse, to my ear, risks monotony, pushing me off to my own thoughts, letting me come unhooked.
'Enough' is the Song-Writer's judgment call.
You, as the Song-Writer, are the first listener. You should sense how much is 'Enough', 'Not Enough' and 'Too Much', just as listeners will make that judgment call themselves.
You should be 'hooked' by the 'Hook Factor' in everything, from the Introductory Movement, to the coherence of the Lyric, its enunciation and Melodic and Rhythmic delivery, the Melody in prosody with the Lyric.
If you're not hooked, others probably won't be either. If you are...
It's difficult to separate one's own pleasure at emoting and singing and playing from these actual 'Enough' qualities in the Song. But deliberately making those judgment calls, self-critiquing, and, more pleasurably, 'sensing' the 'Enough' concept and Structuring your Song accordingly can more likely ensure others will make a complimentary judgment call.
Take it from the top, and make your judgment call.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1171704 - 11/27/20 05:34 AM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
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Travis david Offline
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I think maybe a bit of moving around and an additional verse as the song might well be quite short Leanne?. Just my ideas
Cheers
John



The Fight

V1
Itís not your life
Itís not your story
Itís not your reverie
Itís not your strife
Itís not your worry
Itís only up to me

V2
Iím not your whore
Iím not your mother
Iím not your property
Iím so much more
Iím like no other
Iím who I want to be

Make this your bridge?.
B
Donít think Iím weak
Because Iím kind
Through my own eyes I see
Iím gonna speak
Made up my mind
Fighting for equality

Chorus
Mulveyís male-gaze was lookiní
Judyís Dinner Party cookiní
(pause) Susan B. Anthony
Suffragist she was pissed
Bettyís Feminine Mystique
Stirred up lots of male critique
Steinem made Ms. Magazine
Guerilla Girls got their art seen
Ginsberg fought for equal rights
Now itís time I join the fight

Further verse here a verse3
Then chorus


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1171739 - 11/27/20 09:10 PM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Gary E. Andrews]  
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Leanne Marchand Offline
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Gary,
I feel like I should be paying you for this Master Class in songwriting! I am taking it all in and learning from it. Thanks!

#1171741 - 11/27/20 09:16 PM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Travis david]  
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Leanne Marchand Offline
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Travis David,
Depending on the genre of course, am I wrong in thinking that the majority of hit songs are actually quite short with much repetition? I do like your idea however to do V, V, B, Ch, V, Ch. When I was songwriting years ago, most of mine were V, Ch, V, Ch, B, Ch, and that worked pretty well for me for most of what I wrote. Thanks so much for your input!


Last edited by Leanne Marchand; 11/27/20 09:17 PM.
#1171748 - 11/28/20 05:44 AM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
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Travis david Offline
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It's true Leanne, many songs now do repeat and repeat the hook.
But on this lyric the hook is only at the end.
Alternatively a bridge to change pace and possibly. repeat the chorus?
Just my two penny worth
Regards
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1172224 - 12/08/20 04:20 PM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
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couchgrouch Online content
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Hi Leanne. To me, this could use way more "show" and a lot less "tell". For example, if you remove the words "whore" and "mother" and replace them with "stud" and "father", would that make it a masculine anthem?

There's nothing personal here. You say you're who you want to be, but who is that?

It's also outdated, or perhaps written for another culture. Who in Western culture thinks of women as property? Very few, if any. Equality? What rights do I have that my wife doesn't?

None.

And your litany of names. Steinem made Ms. Magazine? So what? That mag is unreadable crap. And didn't one of Steinem's mags nearly go under? Didn't she sleep with a European millionaire so he'd bail her out?

Here's my advice...write a personal lyric about a woman overcoming an obstacle. Jettison all the preachy, unprovable cliches about equality etc and paint a picture of an everyday woman.

I suspect my wife has accomplished more than Steinem ever has. Think of a good hook and write about someone like her. A wife, sister, daughter and great Christian woman who works hard to support her family, materially, emotionally
and spiritually.

Last edited by couchgrouch; 12/08/20 04:26 PM.

Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1172339 - 12/10/20 08:07 PM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
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Noel Downs Offline
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Hi Leanne, you are getting some good advice, and although I agree with some of what Couch has said... I disagree about the no-one thinks of women as property in western countries... it is still very much popular idea.

Just my opinion... and you can cheerfully disregard it...

I dislike

Donít think Iím weak
Because Iím kind

I see why it is written that way... but it doesn't work for me..

I want to say ... Compassion isn't weakness.. but that doesn't fit .. the closest I could get...

Compassion isn't weak,
the blinkered never see,

Made up my mind
Iím gonna speak
Fighting for equality

cheers

Noel

Last edited by Noel Downs; 12/10/20 08:07 PM. Reason: stupid autocorrect



http://www.soundclick.com/noeldownsandfriends


Tolerance means if you don't like something you ignore it
#1172345 - 12/10/20 09:59 PM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
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Gavin Sinclair Offline
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A lot of good advice here, Leanne. I actually like those lines that Noel is not so happy with. The simple directness works for me. Couch has basically told you how to write a completely different kind of song, so maybe file that away for future use if you ever decide to write one like that. I think you have to think about who your audience is. I would imagine the most receptive audience would probably be those who share the views you are expressing - other women and the "woke" crowd. I think you have the right tone for speaking to these folks.

#1172347 - 12/10/20 10:39 PM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
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couchgrouch Online content
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I've never met a single person who's said women are property. I have met men who desired to exercise high control over women. But they were not western. The fact is...if women were viewed as property in western culture, this lyric would have been censored or at least highly criticized on this site.

If it's a popular idea in western culture, can you quote someone who says so from the last fifty years?

I don't think you can.

I don't think Leanne can. And neither can her professor.

It's a myth.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1172348 - 12/10/20 11:54 PM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
Joined: Sep 2006
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Noel Downs Offline
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the folks with the attitude women and kids are their property, are primarily the wife beaters and child abusers and those who think it is the mans right as head of the household. it is a major factor in why so many women are murdered by those who who profess to love them. that sense of entitlement..




http://www.soundclick.com/noeldownsandfriends


Tolerance means if you don't like something you ignore it
#1172354 - 12/11/20 07:31 AM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
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couchgrouch Online content
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That's bullying and it's a problem with strong vs weak in any relationship, male or female. A woman in Eloy, Az was receny murdered by her female lover. (I think it was Eloy) And it's a minority, not a popular idea. People hate wife beaters in western culture.

But if you want to write a relatable song without the Steinem blarney, that might be a place to start.

Ps 1/4/2021

HBO'S "Wheelie Queen" charged in stabbing death of her partner in Baltimore.

Last edited by couchgrouch; 01/04/21 05:54 PM.

Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1172357 - 12/11/20 10:49 AM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
Joined: Oct 2017
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Fdemetrio Offline
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Spousal/domestic abuse is about control.

Do some people still think of their spouse as property ? Yeah, is it a hot topic in the west these days ? No, but domestic abuse still is prevalent. I'd agree writing about domestic abuse is more relavent.

If your looking for a song where a strong woman gives voice to this we have it with Gloria Gaynors I will survive

The hot topic these days is me2 and sexual harassment.

Domestic abuse has plenty of songs.

I'd instead focus to writing what you mean. Make it believable, base it on your own experience.

And this lyric jumps around, some of the words written just to rhyme. If you really want to write a song telling somebody I'm not your whore, you can do it. But you need to focus on that idea, this is a bit generic.

on a side note, a song I love is called bitch, Merideth Brooks, can't turn it off when its on the radio. She calls herself a bitch......but its honest, whether she's my type...or not, assertive women scare me....lol.

But she's kinda saying the complete opposite of what your saying. And its believable, honest and such a great tune too

Enjoy
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6ge53QaDpKQ

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 12/12/20 12:18 PM.
#1172363 - 12/11/20 11:48 AM Re: Join the Fight (a feminist anthem) [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
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Calvin Offline
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Hello & nice to meet you.

You've been given some good advice by several people here.
I though the verses were done well, good flow.
BUT for me......I could not get in to the CHORUS. It seem rocky and not smooth.
Although that's only when reading it, so, maybe it works with music.
Just my opinion.

Have a good day.


Calvin


https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=11440




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