I've got a 10+minute original entitled "Something About Tomorrow" vocal/harmonica piece I'm really planning on a full band version of. Think Bruce Springsteeen & The E Street Band on this as I dare hope it happens too.

I hope to replace entirely the harmonica for saxophone with a guitar sound similar to the style used in Bruce's "E Street Shuffle" during the chorus and the extended jam at the end, in tandem and trading riffs with the saxophone.

This is the first take of the song, believe it or not, only with written lyrics unsung and un-played until I pressed record in front of an audience.

What do you think?

https://www.reverbnation.com/williammahler/song/32148671-something-about-tomorrow

“SOMETHING ABOUT TOMORROW”

I can’t tell you just call my name
Lead me to where we could be
For me it always the same
I can’t ask you to stop me where I am
Tell me it is you of whom I chatted with
But by text and email again
I can’t always know which way to turn
To be with you new friend
In this life for which I have yearned
Easy to believe you were waiting for me
When I’ve yet to hear you call my name
Make it so simple I never miss that meeting
So life changes from being the same
Something about tomorrow
Brings me here today
Something ‘bout the way you walk
Makes me wanna walk and say
Oh something ‘bout the living
Is something I’ve yet to live today
Oh, something about tomorrow
Brings me here today
Yes I need you to stop me where I am
It might not seem that I am that busy
I meant to be with you face to face
Take me off to somewhere a different place
Wherever you were coming to lead me
Believe me as it is you are okay with me
Take to where your saving grace
Remember it is you I meant to go to
If I had only known for sure
It was you seeking me out to find
There is living to do
Oh no matter the situation
Through the bad take me on
Take me better than I have
Something about tomorrow
Brings me here today
Something about the way you walk
Makes me wanna walk and say
Something about the living
Brings me here today
Something about tomorrow
Brings me here today
Well maybe I am just the kind of person
To keep missing what I am seeking
Well I probably won’t be around
For so many say I ain’t listening
Well next time you are around
Stop me there where I am
And take me by the hand
No matter who I am with
It’s you I want my new and old friend
Call me to your place
Wherever you may be|
As long as you and I are face to face
You’ll get the best out of me
Yes you’ll get the best out of me
Something about tomorrow
Brings me here today
Something about the way you walk
Makes me wanna walk and say
Oh something about the living
I’ve yet to live today
Something about tomorrow
Brings me here today
Something about tomorrow
Brings me here today
Something about the way you smile
Makes me wanna smile the same way
Something about tomorrow
Brings me here today

Copyright 2004 ASCAP
W. K. Mahler Music Publishing Company
Created and recorded at the band stand of Hyannis, MA. USA, July 2004.

I listened for a minute. I didn't read your intro.

From what I heard, you don't have a song here. You don't have much of a melody, a lyric or an arrangement.

Start with a lyrical or musical hook and work outward. Or an interesting run of lines. A groove...something.

Who's that bald guy who's been around forever? Told Dylan to release Lay, Lady, Lay as a single? Was close to Whitney Houston. BIG time.

Clive Davis!

Well, I'm not him.
But I think he'd turn this off after a minute. You have to have something to grab a listener.

These entries belong in the MP3 forum so I am moving it there.

It seems like you were getting a decent groove during the 2nd verse (?) (after the 2nd harmonica part).

Hi William
The posting is just a rough tape, an idea of how you want the song to be when having the full band treatment?
That's fine, but I'd ad a little more to it then repost it. Let us see/hear the progress you're making.
Best of luck with it.
Regards
John

CouchGrouch...if springsteen followed your advice, there'd be no Jungleland or Backstreets..

William, I've listened to Bruce for 40 years. He's a friend of mine. And William...

...you're no Bruce Springsteen.

to that i say, "amen"

Hey William,

A Capella is a style which needs to be practiced and learnt. I cannot find any discernable melody here. The pitch is running all over the place to notes which I have never heard before. Are you singing in an alternative scale ? What key is this in ? I don't think it has a key.

The harmonica, although simplistic, at least has a discernable melody.

Songs have structure, and this is not a song. Perhaps it would be better done as spoken word, and you could use bongo's to take it back to the 50's beat era.

It is just too long and rambling.

cheers, niteshift

I think this thread more than anything else confirms the thought process for critiques here.

William is new, so he can get put down, when other stuff from long timers never get as much as a " this is not working "

Its why I have always maintained that personal friendships and alliances are nice for those things, but bad for critiques.

When the music is good, the lyricist gets a pass.

I thought William was a bit arrogant, but if he was a regular here, I'm guessing he wouldn't get the crits

I guess it just needs to be halfway decent to get a thumbs up?

I've heard alot of atrocious stuff here, this ain't the first.

William don't try to write a ten min song, a three minute one is hard enough to keep listener attention.

And I'm guessing the a Capella recording is for lack of any other way of doing it?

The only thing that might work for you is on a stomp blues tunes. Bada da dum......sing, ba dada dum....sing....all the while stomping your foot. with that noise in your background, it would sound like a 1920's blues recording...

A Capella really has no roll in today's music picture , in fact, thousand dollar recordings don't even stand a chance

Hi, I too didn't listen long, but I really like your title hook

Something about tomorrow
Brings me here today

The anticipation of being friends today and maybe lovers tomorrow is great

I dont want to rewrite your lyric but you have enough lines here to create a simpler and more powerful song in my opinion,

when posting a lyric I'd advise you to structure it with breaks so the listener/reader can absorb each section like verse/chorus/bridge

I've been a Boss fan for many years, even before my article on him was published in the new musical express in the ;ate 1970's, but I dont think it's wise to tag your creation to any artist, we all have influences, but let your work speak for itself

I wish you all the best
john