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#1171489 - 11/23/20 12:47 AM Once  
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,064
IronKnee Offline
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IronKnee  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2011
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Hawaii
Hi Everyone....I have a new one. A bit of an emotional snapshot in forgiveness.
Hope you all like it.......as always, any and all comments are appreciated, and first impressions are most welcome.

“Once”
Words & Music by Tom Tognaci

https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=14147534


Once, can be forgiven!
What kind of fool am I!

What kind of fool am I?
Who makes mountains high
Against the vast blue sky?
Who’d make the world feel small
Just to hear my cry?

Once, I had forgotten
How to forgive with time
What kind of man am I
If I can’t turn time
If I can’t rewind
If I can’t let go
To put it all behind?

What Kind of man am I?
What Kind of man am I?
What Kind of man am I?
What Kind of man am I?

Once, we were as lovers
Two mirrored souls in love

#1171496 - 11/23/20 09:19 AM Re: Once [Re: IronKnee]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,643
E Swartz Offline
E Swartz  Offline

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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,643
Ohio
Hi Tom,

This is a passionate song delivery for sure, and I like the simplicity with just guitar. I could see some background building strings to empower the emotion midway through the song should you want to continue production.

I like the melody and reflective theme. IMO, I think you could offer a hint of background story rather than the two metaphors together. I get the "mountains high" but not crazy about the "blue sky" line. It rhymes, but I think the first metaphor makes a great statement that needs "modified" with a hint of story, rather than just rhymed. There's not much other opportunity otherwise. "Story," even though perhaps fragmented, creates interest and listener ability to relate to your song's expression etc. Keep or sweep.


Nice work, I enjoyed your write!

steady-eddie

#1171588 - 11/24/20 12:47 PM Re: Once [Re: IronKnee]  
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 165
PaulCanuck Offline
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PaulCanuck  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 165
Nice one Tom
Love that guitar picking and your vocal is great as usual smile
I would have went with "What Kind of Man Am I?" as the title/hook
and leave the "fool" bit out but what do I know? Anyway? smile
Enjoyed the listen
Paul

#1171616 - 11/25/20 03:27 AM Re: Once [Re: IronKnee]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,065
Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
An impassioned song good lyrically. I think also the guitar and vocal were equally good.
Sad Tom but a fine folk song in the best tradition
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1171670 - 11/26/20 01:38 PM Re: Once [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,064
IronKnee Offline
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IronKnee  Offline
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Hawaii
Originally Posted by E Swartz
Hi Tom,

This is a passionate song delivery for sure, and I like the simplicity with just guitar. I could see some background building strings to empower the emotion midway through the song should you want to continue production.

I like the melody and reflective theme. IMO, I think you could offer a hint of background story rather than the two metaphors together. I get the "mountains high" but not crazy about the "blue sky" line. It rhymes, but I think the first metaphor makes a great statement that needs "modified" with a hint of story, rather than just rhymed. There's not much other opportunity otherwise. "Story," even though perhaps fragmented, creates interest and listener ability to relate to your song's expression etc. Keep or sweep.


Nice work, I enjoyed your write!

steady-eddie


Hey thanks Eddie..........The whole "..Mountains high against the vast blue sky?" is just another way of saying who makes mountains out of mole hills?" I appreciate the comments, and thanks soooo much for listening. Have a great Thanksgiving!!

Originally Posted by PaulCanuck
Nice one Tom
Love that guitar picking and your vocal is great as usual smile
I would have went with "What Kind of Man Am I?" as the title/hook
and leave the "fool" bit out but what do I know? Anyway? smile
Enjoyed the listen
Paul


Hi Paul....I hear ya, but "Once" was the bell ringer for me....."Once" is not the obvious choice, but it's the one that seemed too compelling to pass up. And as far as "fool"................that word embodies the selfish actions of the singer / performer.
Happy Thanksgiving, Paul........and thanks soooooo much for your listening and comments!!

Originally Posted by Travis david
An impassioned song good lyrically. I think also the guitar and vocal were equally good.
Sad Tom but a fine folk song in the best tradition
John


Thanks you, Travis.......I always appreciate you listening and commenting. It's all we got, and it's nice that you take the time.
Have a great and wonderful Thanksgiving!

And thanks to all who have listened!
-Tom

#1171691 - 11/26/20 04:15 PM Re: Once [Re: IronKnee]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 173
Guy E. Trepanier Online content
Serious Contributor
Guy E. Trepanier  Online Content
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 173
Quebec
Well written and well done.

Suggestion: add a guitar solo and repeat the chorus before the tag.

_ _ _
Have fun!

#1171701 - 11/27/20 01:04 AM Re: Once [Re: IronKnee]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,643
E Swartz Offline
E Swartz  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,643
Ohio
Tom,

I get what you are saying the 2nd time around--I think I the first time perceived that line as a question, rather than reflecting your opening line--I sit corrected! (I only say "I stand corrected if I'm really standing)........"

steady-eddie

#1171986 - 12/02/20 11:07 PM Re: Once [Re: E Swartz]  
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,064
IronKnee Offline
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IronKnee  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,064
Hawaii
Originally Posted by Guy E. Trepanier
Well written and well done.

Suggestion: add a guitar solo and repeat the chorus before the tag.

_ _ _
Have fun!



Thanks Guy for listening and the comments............................very much appreciated ;-)
Originally Posted by E Swartz
Tom,

I get what you are saying the 2nd time around--I think I the first time perceived that line as a question, rather than reflecting your opening line--I sit corrected! (I only say "I stand corrected if I'm really standing)........"

steady-eddie


Thanks again, Eddie.................always a pleasure!!

And thanks to all who have listened!
-Tom

#1171989 - 12/03/20 12:15 AM Re: Once [Re: IronKnee]  
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 849
JAPOV Offline
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JAPOV  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 849
Yeah'.... I've already told you you're a badass smile

#1172200 - 12/07/20 10:23 PM Re: Once [Re: JAPOV]  
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,064
IronKnee Offline
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IronKnee  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,064
Hawaii
Originally Posted by JAPOV
Yeah'.... I've already told you you're a badass smile


;-)
Thanks!!
-T


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