Streets are for walking down (Rewrite)

#1169972 - 10/11/20 07:03 AM Streets are for walking down (Rewrite)
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 12,063 Travis david Top 10 Poster
Travis david Top 10 Poster Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 12,063 Kendal, Cumbria .UK	STREETS ARE FOR WALKING DOWN V Streets are for walking down not sleeping A hero is a hero and for keeping Not living off handouts, defriended heart of a lion when he defended C Streets are for walking down, not dying pain is pain, the streets are crying What the hells going on, they're our daughters and sons fought our wars but their battles not done B Hands cupped around a coffee looking old before his time Thinking about the past futures never on his mind A tear for the pals left behind V Streets are for walking down, what do I see but for the grace of god this could be me Proudly he wore medals on his chest trained to be the best of the best. . C Outro a soldier of convenience finally at rest Last edited by Travis david; 10/13/20 12:24 AM. We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

#1169988 - 10/12/20 12:05 PM Re: Streets are for walking down [Re: Travis david]
Joined: May 2017 Posts: 1,506 Gavin Sinclair Top 200 Poster
Gavin Sinclair Top 200 Poster Joined: May 2017 Posts: 1,506 Conover, North Carolina, USA	I really like this, Travis. A couple of minor things, I'd change: "Streets are for walking down, not for dying" would be better as "Streets are for walking down, not dying." That keeps the same construction as the first line of V1, as well as the same rhythm. I think you have a typo: "for the grace of god this could be me" should be "But for the grace of god this could be me." I'm not sure about the final image of a man lying dead on the street with his medals pinned to his chest. The rest is real, gritty, relatable. This seems to veer off into melodrama. We've all seen what you describe in the earlier verses. It's what gives the song its power. This ending seems over the top and contrived, especially the medals pinned to his chest. Just my opinion. I have been known to be wrong "I may or may not be an enigma." http://mysteriousbeings.com/ https://soundcloud.com/themysteriousbeings https://www.facebook.com/mysteriousbeings/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTfa7oRxhligSvZjv0u_vjg

#1169989 - 10/12/20 02:03 PM Re: Streets are for walking down [Re: Travis david]
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 12,063 Travis david Top 10 Poster
Travis david Top 10 Poster Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 12,063 Kendal, Cumbria .UK	Hi Gavin Thanks for your thoughts on this I t does need a rewrite and your comments are valid. I think maybe the ending could do with a rethink but I'd still prefer him to go with his boots on, so to speak Thanks much appreciated John Last edited by Travis david; 10/12/20 02:32 PM. We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

#1169997 - 10/13/20 12:25 AM Re: Streets are for walking down [Re: Travis david]
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 12,063 Travis david Top 10 Poster
Travis david Top 10 Poster Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 12,063 Kendal, Cumbria .UK	Thanks to Gavin for suggestions John We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

#1170014 - 10/14/20 04:32 PM Re: Streets are for walking down [Re: Travis david]
Joined: Sep 2020 Posts: 32 johnparagreen Casual Observer
johnparagreen Casual Observer Joined: Sep 2020 Posts: 32 fife scotland	Hi, I like this as well,reminded me of what I saw on tv of people in tents in L A, I think it would be stronger if was something like Sidewalks are for walking on, not sleeping all the best.john please visit my soundclick page to hear songs recorded by musicians world wide https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=429802

#1170030 - 10/15/20 10:41 AM Re: Streets are for walking down [Re: Travis david]
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 12,063 Travis david Top 10 Poster
Travis david Top 10 Poster Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 12,063 Kendal, Cumbria .UK	Cheers John, there's a further rewrite planned! Not seen you around for sometime, welcome back John We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

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